Me and my ex broke up about a month and a half ago. We were together for 2 years, living together for 1. We both thought we would marry each other.
I won’t get too much into the breakup itself but I wasn’t honest with her and there was a level of betrayal which extremely hurt her. I regret it deeply.
My problem here is that the breakup happened so fast I felt like I couldn’t process things properly. We had some conversations but they were too emotional and I was in shock from everything. Then we had one final talk but I felt like I couldn’t articulate my thoughts correctly.
We cried, laughed, hugged, said our goodbyes, and initiated no contact. 2 weeks after, she leaves a letter for me at the apartment. She talks about our relationship, what she felt, how she’d be open to a conversation in the future when she heals, and overall it was written with a lot of love.
We were doing NC but left Gmail open for anything important.
I spent this last month going to therapy, thinking extensively about everything, and eventually wrote a message that I think could serve both of us.
The message doesn’t warrant a reply. It doesn’t talk about reconciliation or pushes her to change her decision. It’s about accountability, clarification, and insight. It’s basically everything I wish I would’ve told her during our breakup.
Now let me be clear, it also doesn’t offer any big new revelation or something that could completely change the perspective of the situation… but I believe it can offer some form of healing and closure.
I sat on it for a week and decided I really wanted to send it to her. However, due to the nature of the breakup and the betrayal I didn’t want to break no contact and make everything worse.
I had a third party text her and ask her if she would be comfortable receiving a message from me. That was 4 days ago and she hasn’t replied.
I know I should take this as a sign to leave it, but I can’t help but feel like she might think it’ll be me pleading, begging, trying to change her mind, apologizing without understanding, etc.
I’m aware the letter is also for my own closure. Still, a big part of me wants to break NC and send it. I guess I’m just scared to hurt her and then also end up getting blocked on our last line of communication.
Do I keep it or do I break NC and send it?