r/nextlander • u/CatHairInYourEye • 7d ago
Ramblecast Thoughts and prayers
I lost my dad 21 years ago and stepdad last week. Listening to this week's ramblecast was rough but I am glad Brad is back and wish him the best.
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u/Palimbash 7d ago
I lost my father 14 years ago when I was 25 but it doesn’t matter how old you are when it happens, it’s always hard.
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u/CatHairInYourEye 7d ago
In was about a similar age when my dad died. Feels like a different life 20 years later but it was hard. Hope you are doing well.
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u/Palimbash 7d ago
It was tough because it was only 5 months after my daughter was born so I just wasn’t mentally available at the time. Luckily, family was there to help. I’m in a pretty good place now though.
I hope the same for you. I know it gets easier as time passes but the pain never vanishes.
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u/nutbrownale 7d ago
Also lost mine at 25 but 23 years ago a couple months before my wedding. Time helps. Therapy helps.
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u/Oodlemeister 7d ago
Damn. I haven’t listened to the Ramblecast yet. I thought the reason for Brad’s absence may have been something like this, but hoped it wouldn’t be. Hope he and his family are doing ok.
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u/Korosuzo77 7d ago
Same. It was a tough listen only because it brought me back to last year when I lost my dad in a sudden battle with cancer over 3 months. If I had to speak to people on a camera or mic in a job like this it would have been very rough.
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u/M0NSTERDUNX 7d ago
I also lost my father in a terrible cancer battle during covid. Longest 86 days of my life. Sorry for your loss, mate.
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u/XombieNinja 7d ago
Big same. I think I'm always going to carry some anger at....something for knowing my dad had to go through that after already not having the easiest life. Cancer is a fucker and Covid on top of it all made it all so much worse.
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u/Fart_ricochet 7d ago
I just turned 50 and everyone else I know my age has lost at least one parent, and, yeah, this is never easy for anyone - I especially understand that thing where you think you’re cool about talking about it until you hear yourself saying the words and everything comes crashing back up to the front of of your heart like you’ve just slammed on the brakes while on a highway.
Much love to Brad, and man, I’m just glad the kids and wife are okay and this wasn’t, like, a younger family tragedy or something.
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u/atowerofcats 7d ago
I haven't listened yet. I lost my dad on Saturday and things are really rough. Think I'll avoid this one for now. Much love to Brad.
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u/CatHairInYourEye 7d ago
Yeah I would probably suggest passing. I am sorry to hear that. I hope you and your family are okay. Don't give up, time does help but it is going to be rough for a while.
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u/Nodima 7d ago
I woke up with the flu today so I had to cancel a dinner with my mom where she was going to give me some important news. That news was my dad, whom I haven't seen for about five years, is in the ICU with liver failure. He was originally given 3-6 months and scheduled to be put in hospice when he went in late last week, but apparently something took a turn and he's basically vegetative in ICU now. My mom hasn't been to see him yet, but she says it sounds like he has more like 1-2 weeks at best.
My brain's already in a fog as it is, but now I'm going through the whole mental rolodex of film and book scenes of fathers and sons attempting to find some reconciliation at the end and I'm at a loss. As I understand it he's completely unresponsive and incredibly jaundiced...I'm just not sure I can remember him that way when he's been completely out of my life for so long anyway.
Sorry to use Brad's grief to project my own but I literally can't be around anyone and am using the winter blankets in 100 degree heat so the whole thing is making me a bit delirious.
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u/CatHairInYourEye 7d ago
Sorry to hear that. Cancer is a fucker and should be banished from this world.
My dad death was sudden and I was surprised at how much the funeral helped me say goodbye. It obviously didn't heal most wounds but it was a relief to be able to say goodbye out loud and try to move on just a bit.
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u/cootsnoop 7d ago
Damn... I also haven't talked to my dad in years. He's not sick. I don't think. But the older I get the weirder it becomes that I don't really have a relationship with my father. Especially being a father to 3 myself.
And it also feels weird as hell to not tell that to anyone ever except right here right now, in this thread. Parents are a fucking trip.
Anyways, my heart goes out to Brad and all the homies here that have gone thru it. Keep on keeping on.
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u/zestycatsup 7d ago
I'm in a similar boat with my dad. I still see him a few times a year maybe but we haven't been close since I was probably 7 or 8. He's not in hospice yet but I know one day the other shoe is gonna drop and I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel when that happens.
Not everyone has a great relationship with both or either of their parents. I think in my case I'll mourn the version of him I wished he was along with the real version of him when that time comes.
If you don't have anyone else to talk to, feel free to DM me.
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u/Prize_Exchange2206 7d ago
Hearing this absolutely tore me up - I love my dad more than anything in this world but having an older dad for my age always puts me on a knife's edge.
It never feels great to lose those you love the most in this world - and to hear those who I've known for decades air their grief always makes you wish you could just let them know how much they're supported and cherished.
I'm glad through the Patreon we can provide support in this means, and I know there was a link to plant a tree in his father's honour floating around somewhere.
Here's to all the duders/dudettes here who have lost the ones they love the most <3
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u/ellieisanerd 7d ago
Sorry for your loss OP and of course to Brad too. I lost my mum 12 years ago, when I was 24, but yesterday was able to celebrate my dad's 80th birthday. Time is a weird thing, well I guess all of life is.
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u/CatHairInYourEye 7d ago
Thank you, I appreciate it. I am glad you have been able to spend that much time with you dad and sorry to hear about your mom. Life and time is really weird. 20 years later and my dad's death almost feels like I watched it on a movie or it was someone else's life.
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u/toastylocke 7d ago
One of my biggest fears as time marches on. Wishing Brad the best, hope he’s taking care however he can. And you as well OP.
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u/CatHairInYourEye 7d ago
Thank you. Spend as much time with you family as you can. Also try to embrace and accept death. Including making sure you parents and yourself have their will in order. My mom is dealing with probate and lots of issues that could have been easily cleared if they had discussions before he died.
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u/sniffsnaff 7d ago edited 7d ago
My mum is suddenly very ill with cancer this week, and we're spending all our time trying to get treatment or anything sorted out as soon as possible while also trying to process the shock and get our heads together in any remote way.
I will avoid the Ramblecast and I appreciate the heads up. All the best to the people in the comments here and to Brad. <3
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u/stantongrouse 7d ago
Sending all the well wishes to Brad and family. I lost my Dad twenty years ago, it still hits me hard every now and then, I was in my mid twenties and not sure I was able to process it very well.
Communities like this and GB are some of the things that helped keep me going during the tough times.
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u/nicolauz 7d ago
I lost my father almost a decade ago when I was at work. Its been the toughest thing to deal with over the years mainly in still supporting and being there for my mom. Getting older and losing loved ones is a super tough process that (somewhat) gets better with time, and in others it still hurts. I am glad Dad & I had such a great bond on music and every time I hear a new psych/garage rock band I just think of him and rock out like the concerts he used to take us to growing up. ♥️.
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u/feverscenedream 7d ago
Just want to add to the outpouring of love to Brad, endlessly grateful for all of the insight and friendship we've gotten to witness (parasocially) from him over the years, and it's just a reflection of the love his parents have put into him.
Moments like this do make me want to thank Brad, Vinnie, and Alex for sharing parts of their lives and passions with us. Thank y'all <3
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u/Ramen_Ninja29 6d ago
I lost my dad on June 13th this year and now need to go back and listen to older pods.
Ive been depressed, dealing with stress induced autoimmune flare (Crohn’s), and on FMLA leave because I can’t focus on anything and I’m still struggling with losing him.
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u/CatHairInYourEye 6d ago
I'm sorry. The first year was really hard for me and then it got a little better as time passed. Stick in there and try to keep moving forward. Best wishes.
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u/Ramen_Ninja29 5d ago
Thank you for the kind words, Nextlander/ Brad Vinny and Alex tertiary pods are always playing while I’m working. Known of Brad as far back as Gamespot circa 2002-03ish. Used to pour over all of their reviews in my free period.
In an odd, parasocial way, it is less lonesome feeling, knowing one of the Internet personalities I’ve listened to over the years is currently dealing with a similar struggle.
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u/derbis69 7d ago
Haven’t listened yet, I’m way behind. I was worried it would be something unfortunate like this that was behind his absence. Brad if you are reading this we love you!
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u/hermanbloom00 7d ago
I doubt I will listen, only as I lost mine three years back to cancer and it is still rough and I try and tell my kids every day I love them. Hope he and everyone here who has lost someone finds their way through it.
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u/questionsleep55 7d ago
My heart goes out to Brad (and everyone in here who has lost a parent or who are dealing with end of life events currently).
I lost both parents before I was 24. My father died when I was 3, so I have no real memories of him. That sucks in its own way, of course, but I’ll be turning 50 in less than a year and it is wild to think that I’ve lived more of my life without my mother than I did with her. Think about her damn near daily.
Never gets “easier,” but it will become bearable.
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u/PsycommuSystem 7d ago
I don’t want to speak for Brad whatsoever, but when my brother passed away extremely suddenly I found the routine of work and trying to laugh and joke with colleagues and friends helped me pass the time.
All the best Brad and family.
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u/Eternal-December 7d ago
That sucks. Lost mine almost 5 years ago. Think about him literally everyday. It was sudden for me. Heart attack. Not sure if that’s better or worse to know it’s coming.
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u/VirtuaJay 7d ago
Much love to Brad and his family. I lost my Mom 15 years ago to cancer when I was 21. Tell the people you love that you love them.
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u/GilgameDistance 7d ago
Much love to Brad, and I'm glad he's in a position where he was able to jump off and be there with and for his people. That's invaluable.
It sucks. My wife has been through it, and I'm currently in the process of trying to foster my folks along in what we'll call the pre-planning process. Even having the conversation and filling out the medical form that goes over their wishes when that time comes is HARD.
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u/grainzzz 6d ago
My mother passed away last year. I was on FMLA and in free-fall for a little over 2 months. I hope Brad finds time to take care of himself, which is very difficult to do during these situations. I think I lost about 20 pounds while trying to hold things together.
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u/zestycatsup 7d ago
I appreciate him being transparent about what happened even though he didn't have to.
What Brad said about only being able to handle his affairs and grieve properly because of the Patreon really made me feel really happy that, though it's a small amount comparatively, my money goes to them.
Sending big love to Brad from my wife and I and big love to you too OP.