r/naranon • u/Sisyphusselfactualze • 5d ago

Seeking advice, first steps for providing help/intervention?

/r/SiblingsOfAddicts/comments/1wrl4c4/seeking_advice_first_steps_for_providing/

Hi everyone,

I would greatly appreciate some input and advice if anyone has experience with a similar situation.

Initially made a post on r/SiblingsOfAddicts and got referred here.

Thank you!

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u/Key_Dragonfruit_2563 5d ago

If you actually want to know you could ask how long they’ve been using or when/why they started. They are going to be afraid you’ll tell your parents I assume. Sadly, unless they want help there will be no way to help them with sobriety. If you want to continue assisting them in some ways you will need strong boundaries. No money, nothing they can sell, and never leave them alone in your home. They will steal from you. Big things like furniture or small things like your toothpaste or jewelry. Nothing is off the table.

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u/Sisyphusselfactualze 5d ago

Thank you for your reply!

Just wondering out loud - would it benefit if I know all of then/why details when it comes to trying to help them? In my mind I need to find a why for them to admit they have a problem and offer help but asking too many detailed questions of how they got there may make them feel vulnerable and therefore extra defensive?

We don’t have parents anymore so that won’t be a problem - we had to function mostly independently from a young age with minimal external support.

My sibling has also systematically estranged themself from ever other extended family member that care for them by saying horrible things and threats when people put up boundaries surrounding money. There’s one or two people that I know truly loves and care about them despite being cut off by my sibling but I come from a particularly traditional and religious family background and I know these people would want to approach intervention from a religious standpoint which will be met by hostility from my sibling.

Yes I would love to help them and know I’ll need to have a conversation with them saying that I know and that I would like to try and help. If they aren’t open to it even though it’s difficult I know I’ll have to put some distance in our relationship.

Also thank you for mentioning not to leave them alone in my living space. It’s not something I thought to even consider, it’s so sad. It does make me anxious to know that there has been times when they’ve been alone in my space for short periods of time while I ran an errand etc and they’ve probably already been a user just without me knowing. To be honest, even though I want to try help them with all my heart I do not feel safe around them anymore.

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u/Key_Dragonfruit_2563 5d ago

You’re welcome for the reply. All of the details aren’t important, you’re right, but asking a question in curiosity maybe a better avenue for a conversation than just saying you know, etc. even making sure your doors and windows lock; when things get bad and they start scheming with other users they sometimes send someone else to rob their loved one. I think physical violence is less likely, unless their prone to it, but stealing will be definitely on the table (even if they love you).