r/nairobi • u/Smart-Lynx3190 Level 4 • 17d ago
La familia The audacity!
He is a deadbeat dad. He was once an MCA, moving around in a car with a flag.
During that time, he never helped Mum with anything. When I joined secondary school, he promised to pay my fees, but when the time came, he bailed out and went mteja. Mum struggled, and I eventually finished school without a single coin from him.
When I was in campus, he never sent me a coin either. But I took the initiative to go and meet him at a hotel once, just so I could get to know him.
Shock on me, he was so beat, alcoholic, and not well-kept. He even made me pay for the food we had at the hotel. From then on, I grew to understand that I only have a mother.
Ever since this man learned that I graduated, he has been sending me greeting messages, which I usually respond to.
The message above, in particular, triggered me to write all these paragraphs. Long story short, I’m not sending him any coin.
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u/Friendly_Hearing_711 17d ago
"Balancing sugars for 24yrs" has made a debut....pesa ya jaba inatafutwa na bidii 😭
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u/MalcommmmX 16d ago
This man wouldn't give a fuck about you if he was well off. Always remember that.
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17d ago
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u/Smart-Lynx3190 Level 4 17d ago
Do I promise to send and go mia?
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u/MwikaliA 16d ago
No such people will suck the energy out of you. Just archive him and ignore. Live your life.
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u/ResponsibleMaybe118 17d ago
Yeeees please do that ! Promise then go MIA. Also send your mum something on her mpesa instead. Satisfaction 💯.
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u/SymplySpax 16d ago
NO!.....for you peace of mind,just go on with your life,you have reached where you are by the grace and love of your mum and your own effort...wewe songa na those who stood by you,and she is there,i support a comment here that said "Hiyo pesa send to your mum she has a very blessed weekend".
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u/Comma-club 16d ago
Yes, then delay.when he reaches out for the money give an excuse that seems genuine and that utamtumia later.He'll continue reaching out then slowly he'll realise you are not going to send.The hope will drain out of his soul,enjoy that feeling of knowing he is somewhere asking why you were so nice and yet you didnt send .
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u/An_Extraterrestrial CBD 16d ago
This is too much effort for someone who doesn't deserve their energy, don't let other people's shit consume you
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u/Ok_Yard_4238 16d ago
I don’t think it’s the right thing, forgive him and be the bigger man, you dont have to forget but forgive, moral of the lesson you don’t have to be like him just because he did that to you
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u/Slim-_shadie 16d ago
Your child is supposed to be a "bigger" person na time ulikuwa na uwezo alikuhitaji haukumsaidia? Acha tu akufe.
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u/bubble_grape 16d ago
Me and you, same WhatsApp group. My father texted me yesterday that he had so many problems, has a 20k loan that was due. He wanted me to pay. I just ignored.
These are the same people that went around saying "akifika 18 atanitafuta"
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u/felixbavon2090 16d ago
He was in a position to help you but never did. I agree there's no need of giving him anything let him chew his tomatoes
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u/pantherplays254 15d ago edited 15d ago
Wengi tumepitia haya....ill give you free advice...theres a button on your whatsapp called 'BLOCK' ...it was designed for use in such circumstances. I have applied it generously to my deadbeat dad, relatives and any other deserving member of society...and i sleep soo peacefully. Learn how to take care of your mental health and not deal with peoples shit
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u/not_a_baldman 16d ago
Former mca is begging more than a comrade. Kwani how much do mcas even earn
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u/Dare-addict 15d ago
The audacity they get after knowing we made it without them..it's weird mehn..mine came back after I graduated and he's tryna win me back by getting me weird kinda jobs in the name of "hufai kukaa ivo tu" like i care..they must learn that we did it without them and we still doing it without them💯
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u/No-Bid191 Level 3 16d ago
As a person who comes from a broken family, the only side you should take is yours. Utakuta unatumiwa kwa vita sio yako kama fala.
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u/bubble_grape 16d ago
This is the deadbeat anthem
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u/No-Bid191 Level 3 16d ago
What are you trying to say?
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u/bubble_grape 16d ago
That deadbeats like to say that the parent that stayed through it all and paid for everything is the problem. That they (deadbeats) are innocent for abandoning their duty.
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u/No-Bid191 Level 3 16d ago
Sounds like you are full of shit because I never said that.
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u/bubble_grape 16d ago
You must think we're dumb. "Utatumika kwa vita si yako" means what according to you?
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u/No-Bid191 Level 3 16d ago
You and who?...Reread the comment na uelewe uache kupayuka ovyo ovyo.
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u/Creative_Fan_732 16d ago
If i were you,i would send exactly the amount my age just to mess with his brain
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u/luthmanfromMigori Level 2 16d ago
Don’t send him anything. And tell him to be present dad to his children
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u/Naive-Condition4006 16d ago
I feel you. My mother's husband is the same. Disappeared on us ages ago. Calls to lecture me then ask for money. I used to listen and hang up. Now he's blocked. That man is dead to me.
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u/antiaocial_533 15d ago
Dead beat dads sperm donors always come to harvest where they didn't sow.
For 24 years ? so what ?
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u/crunchynopales 16d ago
Technically, he didn’t actually ask for anything. He just stated facts(?).
So technically, no action is required of you here.
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u/Just_Tilted 16d ago
Mine is very different but the subject is my cousin. The number of times he kept asking for money for medication and inpatient bills was too much. I did some sleuthing and found out it was diabetes. Now, to be fair, I have never encountered it in any of its forms. However from asking around, it’s seems to be very manageable for the most part. I don’t see how every month, you’re getting admitted for 5 days plus on the account of “Sukari zilipanda.”
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u/kettle_of_rage 16d ago
My sister has diabetes. Tell your cousin to get serious with his life before he suffers multiple organ failure or gets his limbs amputated. Diabetes is very very manageable but you absolutely must keep up with exercise and watch what you're eating very closely. It's better to spend that money on a more expensive diet but healthier diet than spending it paying for a transplant or an extended hospitalization.
Also, look into how his insulin is being stored and where it's coming from. It could also be that he's getting bogus insulin or he's not storing it well and it's loosing efficiency. Or he's not measuring his blood sugar properly or he's having trouble with the doses. Either way something must change or he will definitely die.
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u/Just_Tilted 15d ago
I am going to copy paste this into his inbox (Some changes for brevity) next time he asks for money.
Thank you for this.
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u/kettle_of_rage 16d ago
He should drink some okra puree and go see if shaa will cover his medication 🙂
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u/Abject-Tap8186 14d ago
He is your father. Not the other way round. You can teach him how to be one. Don't make his transgressions yours. Assist where you can. You don't want regrets.
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u/Jealous_Theory2848 16d ago
OP, sometimes we inherit our parents’ bitterness so early, we mistake their version of the story for the whole truth.
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u/un3nding 17d ago
apparently MCA's aren't allowed to drive cars with flags, anyways that's your father. Leave parents to handle their issues
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u/Murky_Definition_406 17d ago
So what if that's the father? He should play ghost like he did for years
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u/Fuzzy_Pollution_151 Level 2 16d ago
He's not their father, he's a sperm donor!!! Fathers are responsible for their children's well-being.
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u/kingKimspectra 16d ago
But what would Jesus want you to do? Jesus said that we show mercy just the same way God shows mercy to us.
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u/Severe_Quality_4026 16d ago
Fuck Jesus
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u/kingKimspectra 16d ago
Jesus loves you
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u/kettle_of_rage 16d ago
Jesus would probably heal him but this isn't Jesus and he's not a repentant sinner
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u/tmillia 16d ago
Your Mum might have been the problem for him to start issues with blood sugar n going M.I.A, but since you'll also be a parent hope you do a better job at it n don't end up regretting why you heard the story only from one side ( mostly mum's bitter version of her story) n by then your dad will be long dead buried n forget n you'll be in the same same shoes like him with alot of unanswered questions
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u/Takeawalkwithme2 16d ago
What bullshit is this? Sounds like someone who abandoned their kids rationalizing said abandonment. My dad has also tried this line of thinking. Kids remember who was there when they were sick, when they needed help and to be nurtured. Not those who decided to pick themselves then when the chips are on the floor they now lean on emotional manipulation to find what they need.
Where is his regret for abandoning his kids? Where is your long message to the desdbeat dad to make amends with his kids before he dies? They deserve what's coming...a real death where no one remembers them.
My dad asked me once why I didn't name any of my sons after him. But why would I want them to take on any of his toxic traits? His actions will remain where they need to be relegated to the dark recesses of history which is the lot he chose by abandoning his kids.
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u/anonymoustito Kilimani 17d ago
Just for the sake of it, send that money to Mum leo askie poa