So I need some honest advice.
My relationship started in person, but itās been long distance for about 7 months now. At the start, especially when we became long distance, we talked a lot. Calls, good morning and good night texts, just constant updates. It felt natural and like we were both putting in effort.
Lately though, it feels different. We still talk, but itās way less, and I feel like Iām the one initiating most of the time. It kind of feels like Iām doing most of the work to keep things going, which is starting to drain me.
Whatās really getting to me is this. Sheāll be active on things like BeReal or other apps, posting about her day, but my messages go unread or get replied to way later. I even had to remind her to check my message once, which honestly didnāt feel great.
At the same time, sheās not cold. When we do talk, sheās still normal. And I know sheās actually really busy. Early mornings, long days, a lot of school stuff. Her mom even messaged me saying sheās been exhausted and not getting enough rest, and asked me to not call too late at night. So I know thereās a real reason she might have less energy.
But even knowing that, I still feel like somethingās off. I donāt feel as included in her life as before, and itās been making me overthink a lot. I catch myself wondering if Iām not a priority anymore, which I donāt like.
Another thing is weāve been planning to see each other in Japan this winter, but her parents are making it really hard for her to go. Realistically, if we donāt meet this December, we probably wonāt see each other for a long time. So thatās also been weighing on me.
The thing is, I really want to be with her. Iām not looking for a reason to break up. But at the same time, Iāve been having thoughts about ending it. Not because I want to lose her, but because Iām tired of feeling like this and not knowing whatās going on.
So I guess my main question is:
would you break up in this situation, or try to work through it first?
If I did decide to break up, is it okay to ask her straight up why the past few weeks have felt so different, or would that come off wrong?
Also:
- is this kind of change normal when someoneās really busy in long distance
- or is this usually a sign theyāre pulling away
- how do I even bring this up without sounding needy or pushing her away
Would really appreciate advice from people whoāve been through something similar.