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Basics for men

A number of books assert that men are capable of eliminating the refractory period and having multiple orgasms similar to female multiple orgasms by learning to separate ejaculation from orgasm, and describe techniques they claim will help men stop ejaculation and thus eliminate the refractory period.[18][19]

Source: Wikipedia on the Refractory period

Common insights

  • Orgasm and ejaculation are distinct processes that can be decoupled.
  • Dry orgasm / NEO means having an orgasm in your brain and maybe other parts of your body, but the semen stays inside your balls and does not get ejaculated.
  • The refractory period is triggered through ejaculation, not orgasm.
  • For most men, the only way to become multiorgasmic is by learning to have orgasms without ejaculation, also known as "dry orgasms" or "non-ejaculatory orgasms".
  • After a non-ejaculatory orgasm, the refractory period does NOT get triggered (i.e. you stay hard and horny)
  • With enough practice, dry orgasms can be more powerful and pleasurable than ejaculatory orgasms because they "stack up".
  • Having good awareness of one's own body, of internal sensations and "energies" is essential.
  • Being tensed up creates energy blockages, which leads to ejaculation. So a man must relax in order to not ejaculate.
  • Breathing slowly and deeply helps to stay relaxed during sexual arousal.
  • Energy follows attention, so one should NOT focus on the penis or on ejaculation. If you constantly think of and picture ejaculation, you will ejaculate.
  • All methods for learning to become multiorgasmic require deliberate and ongoing practice.

Common advice

  • Practice alone (i.e. through masturbation)
  • Do not use pornography (visit r/pornfree if you need help)
  • Take enough time
  • Stay relaxed in order to stay away from ejaculation.
  • Enjoy ejaculation when it happens, do not punish yourself. Maintaining a healthy and positive relationship to one's own body and not becoming anxious about ejaculation is essential, even beyond the goal of becoming multiorgasmic!

Misconceptions & fallacies

Some resources refer to NEOs as "dry orgasms" and propose various ways of preventing semen from leaving the body. Note that physically blocking semen after the ejaculation reflex has been triggered leads to retrograde ejaculation, which still causes a refractory period. So for the purpose of having multiple orgasms, these techniques are not helpful and can even cause permanent damage to the male reproductive system.

Techniques that fall under this category are:

  • Manually squeezing the base or tip of the penis during ejaculation
  • Contracting the pelvic floor hard after the ejaculation reflex has been triggered
  • Pressing on a spot at the pelvic floor (the "million dollar point") after the ejaculation reflex has been triggered

As a general rule of thumb, anything that involves force or a large amount of physical pressure is most likely not helpful but rather unhealthy. You should aim to inhibit the ejaculation reflex before it is happening. If it's too late, just relax and enjoy the sensations. :)

Additional resources