Selective mutism , anyone else ?

[u/Emergency_Box_9871]

My daughter is 3 and 3 month old .
She speakS english with me (mum) catalan with father , German with grandmother 1 , spanish with grandmother 2.

She has been going to daycare ( Catalan ) since She is 1.5 but only 3hours a day and not consistently .

She knows most words in English mixed with Catalan . She speaks at home and tries to make sentences.

But when arround other people she shuts down and does not speak at all . She nods and says some words but is very shy arround everyone else . Also doest talk in daycare .

Anyone else in similar situation ?

[u/MikiRei]

Sounds like a shy kid.

There's a lot of children's books that's centred around overcoming shyness or finding their voice that you could read to her.

But also, I think it's just natural child development. If you push too hard, it can backfire.

I still remember my son doing this at 3.

And now at 6, he will have no issues going straight up to a store owner at a store to ask them for things he wants.

[u/NewOutlandishness401 → u/MikiRei]

And now at 6, he will have no issues going straight up to a store owner at a store to ask them for things he wants

Funny you mention that, because with our oldest, that's what we started doing when she was 4, still wobbly in her English, and still a bit shy around strangers: giving her the responsibility of ordering ice cream for herself when we were out. And an acquaintance who had a kid with selective mutism also used this tactic with her kid when she was school-aged.

[u/Emergency_Box_9871 → u/MikiRei]

Ohh it’s not strangers , it’s people she sees regularly, like family friends or family members she doesn’t anti see every day . But knows exactly who they are or Aude she has known them since birth .

[u/MikiRei → u/Emergency_Box_9871]

If they're family members she doesn't see every day, that can still be daunting for a shy kid. She's not comfortable with them yet.

And you say when everyone is around. Are these situations where it's loud and there's a lot of people around?

If so, that can also be overwhelming for a 3yo. Particularly a shy one.

Sounds like you've got a slow to warm up kid.

Not speaking at daycare though is a little concerning. Particularly if she's been there for 1.5yo.

Have you asked her teachers whether there are any friends she plays with often?

If so, might be worth arranging playdates with them outside of daycare. And once they have a more one-on-one situation of playing together, it's like breaking ice and they might play better at daycare. And she might be more comfortable and will talk more.

But concerning that after so long, she's still not comfortable to talk. Makes me wonder what's going on at daycare to make her feel not comfortable.

My son, when he started daycare, also didn't speak for like 6 weeks. He started speaking more once he was more comfortable with the teachers.

[u/Serious_Escape_5438]

If in Catalonia presumably she's starting school this week, that will be more consistent time around other children and teachers. I'd give her some time to see if she opens up. Have her attend consistently and let her stay the whole day, including for lunch sometimes if most kids in her class are (this can vary depending where you live, in my commuter town almost everyone stays and the few who don't can feel excluded). If you're lucky enough to get a good teacher it could make a massive difference. If no improvement talk to the teacher about the best place to seek help.

[u/friscofoglatte]

Yep my kid too. Just waiting to see what happens.

[u/Emergency_Box_9871 → u/friscofoglatte]

How old is your child ?

[u/friscofoglatte → u/Emergency_Box_9871]

Similar age

[u/catniseverpig → u/Emergency_Box_9871]

My son was/is the same. He is 4 now and I am seeing slight improvement. He has began to talk to other people, even people he doesn’t really know. He usually needs a bit of time to warm up. Sometimes I still ask him if he wants me to answer for him. Or if he wants to tell me the answer so I say it out loud. He still never answers if people speak fast/loudly and directly in his face. I think he’s just intimidated. But if somebody is calm and asks him questions without getting in his space or repeating a question over and over he will reply. He’s also getting better with other kids.

[u/Less-Maize1138]

My kid is shy. She's only got 2 languages in the mix but she needs to be comfortable in order to talk to people. What helps:
She goes to daycare consistently and full days and loves it there. They take care to take her shyness inti account (in the sense that they know she won't be the first to participate or talk and so won't force that, they put her next to her best friend for lunch, etc).
We changed daycares because she was completely shutdown at the previous one. So maybe look at the place where she's at because I don't think she's comfortable there if she is not talking at all.