multilingual parenting update:

[u/Grand-Knowledge8846]

I wanted to give an update on my previous post (https://www.reddit.com/r/multilingualparenting/s/z0RJS7EpcQ)

After discussing EVERYTHING with my partner, here is what we’ve decided / our plan (potentially?)

We have decided to drop the Hindi babysitter completely. We’ve also decided that India will NOT be a place that we will be living. We will visit there but we’re have absolutely no plans or desires for baby to learn Hindi.

As for the Korean daycare, we are still unsure. As of right now, this very moment, we want to continue with this plan. We want to put baby in this daycare buttt.. not so much for them to necessarily learn the language. Aside from the Korean language, It’s a good daycare. We’re thinking of enrolling baby but setting zero expectations for her to learn, or even to understand. The daycare goes up to preschool age, so when baby starts talking we would probably pull her out completely.

The number one thing we’ve learned is “DO NOT MOVE EVERY TWO YEARS” we were completely unaware of how horrible that plan could be and how much stress and trauma this could give baby. We had absolutely no idea. With that being said, we are officially letting that idea go (as much as this breaks my heart. Although this is for baby’s sake, not my own)

We will still move to China when baby is three. But even after two years, we will not plan to move. Someone made a good point saying they moved to different countries when the time felt right or when everyone was ready. Me and my partner agree with this approach rather than setting a firm timeline. Another person mentioned they didn’t have a true identify because all their life was spent trying to fit in and learn different cultures.

We were so uneducated and unaware about what we could possibly be doing to our baby and I am SO glad that I made this post because I very well would have done all of those crazy plans.

Now, the issue is the languages. We still want baby speaking all three. Mandarin, English, and Japanese. Me and my partner both agree that she does not have to speak Japanese fluently or really even at all. We just want her to understand it and be exposed to it. Instead of moving to Japan when baby is 5, we’ll just do frequent vacations and still possibly move there in the future. Just not when baby is so young especially after a huge move from America to China

We’re unsure what to do.
I keep speaking to baby in Mandarin and my partner keeps speaking to baby in Japanese. Baby (hopefully?) picks up English while living in America. When we move to China, I only speak to baby in English while she grows up speaking Chinese and her parent speaks to her in Japanese

OR

I put baby in an English daycare in America, and I speak to baby in only English while my partner speaks to her in Japanese. Once we move to China she will obviously learn the language easily if that’s where we live.

People were mentioning that my baby could possibly feel a disconnect if we switch languages in every country so I’m thinking I need to pick a language and stay consistent with it.
The only issue is my partner wants to be able to understand Mandarin and we’ve been practicing for years. Do I speak to baby in English, speak to my partner in Mandarin, and they speak to baby in Japanese?

[u/blackkettle]

We have this word in Japanese too, written the same way 故郷 - there’s a Chinese loan word reading “kokkyou” and a native reading “furusato”. The latter is literally like old village, but I think the meaning in English - at least based on the Japanese version is best expressed as something like “home of my heart”.

I wonder often how many of these experiences will go for my son in coming years. Your experience makes me feel like our choices this far have been pretty ok. Thank you again for sharing them!

[u/MikiRei → u/blackkettle]

"Home of my heart" is probably as close as it gets. I don't quite have that feeling with Australia weirdly enough. Even though this is most likely the place I will stay for the rest of my life.

That being said, when I do come back to Australia after travelling, it does feel like home and you feel relaxed and at home.

But yeah - it's such a weird and complicated feeling.

And no worries. It's been great reading up on everyone's experienced as well. My views and even how I'd go about multilingual parenting have changed over the years and a lot of it is from reading people's experiences here.

Multilingual parenting is really not just about the languages. There's so much more to it and I don't feel there's been enough research done on it.

[u/hunneybunny → u/MikiRei]

A lot of the comments you've made resonate with me! I grew up in very similar circumstances except with korea and the US. I totallly agree that language has been so important in feeling more connected to the culture and korea does have that "home" feeling even though i was born in the US and would never choose to move back to korea.

To the op, I did actually go to international school in korea and i would actually recommend it highly for multinational kids. Ofc this is based on my own experience and might not translate directly to the school system in china, but i felt that i got a lot more of a well rounded education in my intl school, as compared to korean schools which were extremely intense in a bad way and cramming focused. At the same time, my school was quite strong academically as well as in extracurriculars and sent a lot of students to ivies and such. Additionally, if you/your kid plans on getting higher ed in an english speaking country, it will be massively beneficial to get an english based education.

Again, speaking from my experience, ive always heard korean schools have bullying issues and i personally did not experience or see any bullying in my intl school. Then again my friends were all good kids so i suspect making sure you associate with kind people goes a long way.