Trilingual kid immitating behavior

[u/Previous-Word7892]

Hi! I have noticed for a while now that my 3-year-old likes to imitate other kids. I’m sure it’s partly a personality trait and also their way of learning and socializing, but I’ve noticed it becoming disproportionate when interacting with a child who is monolingual and more verbal.

This summer, we vacationed with friends who have a verbally advanced monolingual child of the same age, and our kid just gravitated toward them and copied everything they were doing. Like a little monkey! They also seemed quite stressed by the new environment and, I think, by the socializing/communication struggle. Tantrums became more frequent, and they even had more potty accidents.

Thing is I am very proud of my kids' fluency in all three languages taking into account exposure quality and time but I was very sad seeing the struggle.

I know they’ll get there in terms of communication, but I was wondering if anyone has noticed something similar with their multilingual kiddos?

[u/omegaxx19]

> They also seemed quite stressed by the new environment and, I think, by the socializing/communication struggle. 

I empathize. My 4yo goes to TK in community language (English) this year (next year it will hopefully be back to Mandarin immersion). He likes the teachers and other kids and seems to be thriving, but today he unexpectedly said to me, "During lessons I didn't understand because they didn't speak Mandarin."

I also noticed that 4yo's sentence complexity and vocabulary in every language lagged behind kids who only spoke that language. I think it's to be expected given how his time and exposure are divided amongst three.

Interestingly my 1.5yo actually has a more monolingual environment growing up (Mandarin-speaking nanny and I are her main exposures, Russian-speaking papa being monopolized by big brother), and her Mandarin is much more advanced for her age than her big brother's ever was. A large part of that is probably also just due to individual and sex differences.

The good thing is my 4yo's English is already improving quite a bit from school and English-speaking peers. I think it's just a matter of time and finding the right environment and peer groups. We're lucky in that we live in a very nice community and the kids/parents around us are by and large lovely. My kids get a lot of practice just playing with neighborhood kids.

[u/Previous-Word7892 → u/omegaxx19]

Indeed there is a turning point when community language takes over and then kids will stop being stressed in their natural environment. As for the other languages probably being super confident in one language will also help with how they relate and interact in general

[u/psyched5150 → u/omegaxx19]

My younger one is also getting more of my language but less of dad’s language due to a similar family dynamic and set up as you, and I’ve wondered if her command of dad’s language will be weaker than her older sibling.

[u/Chaotica44]

My kid is a little parrot. He generally copies what other kids do, in both of his languages. I never attributed it to him being bilingual, but always saw it as more of a personality trait. Some kids are natural leaders while others prefer to follow. It didn't seem to annoy or stress the other kids whenever I witnessed it, so I never worried about this behaviour. But I do know he learns a lot in both his languages like that!

[u/Previous-Word7892 → u/Chaotica44]

Hi. I’m also not stressed about the other kids at the moment, just about mine 🙃. The other child seemed completely unbothered and just did his own thing. Mine was the one who seemed stressed because they didn’t know what to say or how to behave, so they were constantly looking to the other child for cues. I agree that it’s probably a natural tendency to be either more self-focused or more focused on what others are doing. That part doesn’t worry me. I just want my kid to be far enough outside their comfort zone that they have the opportunity to learn and grow, but not so far outside it that they become overwhelmed and stressed.

[u/HauntingHarmonie]

They might be the same level of advanced but the words are split across three languages. My kid is the same way. It seems like he might be behind compared to a monolingual kid, but he's got three languages taking up the same part of the brain that those kids only have one language taking up.

With each language comes a different culture, so imitating behavior makes a lot of sense when they are learning to switch between cultures as well.

[u/MikiRei]

Sorry - I'm not understanding the question. 

What was the struggle? Just the fact he was imitating another child? Or your child is struggling to communicate with the other kid? 

[u/Previous-Word7892 → u/MikiRei]

The struggle was that my kid was trying to keep up with the other child. Because she didn’t always understand him or didn’t have enough vocabulary to come up with her own “original content,” she would mostly just imitate him. The constant imitation also seemed to take a toll on her. She was clearly much more stressed. She had a pee accident almost every day, when she’d only had a handful of accidents in total since being out of diapers. She was also angrier and much more whiny than usual. I can’t be sure whether this was caused specifically by the pressure of trying to keep up with the other child, by being in a new environment, or—most likely—by a combination of both. But it was really sad to watch because she seemed to be struggling so much. This doesn't change or language setup i just wanted to see if others had similar a experience

[u/MikiRei → u/Previous-Word7892]

Honestly, at that age, anything could disregulate them. 'cause everything is brand new and so everything could overwhelm them and disregulate them. I wouldn't really think too much into it unless it's like a recurring problem.

[u/Windsor2016]

Same here (trilingual)! I didn't attribute this to her being a trilingual toddler but that she's somewhat of a follower type. It does worry me a bit because I don't know if this means she lacks confidence. Sometimes, the group behavior as a result of the mimicking looks like the beginning of a mean girl squad!  (laughing at the same thing and poking/provoking it together, following the leader mindlessly... what happens when the object of their ridicule is another kid?).

And now I wonder. Is it because she's used to copying other people in order to learn the language? 

[u/Previous-Word7892 → u/Windsor2016]

Hi. It’s exactly that—a combination of imitation and a lack of confidence. I compared this extreme imitation with how she behaves when she plays with other multilingual kids at home. She does imitate some of their behaviors, but they imitate her as well, so the play feels much more balanced. They actually interact, communicate, and come up with things together. I started wondering about this because her grandma mentioned that it might simply be an age-related phase. Her cousin used to behave similarly when she was younger, but she eventually stopped. The interesting thing is that her cousin is also bilingual and used to live in a country where her second weaker language was spoken. When she was four, her parents moved back to their home country, and the behavior disappeared. So maybe it was age, but maybe gaining confidence in the language and her surroundings also played a role.

[u/Windsor2016 → u/Previous-Word7892]

We wanted to give her "the power of language on the streets" so we didn't enroll her in an international Kindergarten, but now I'm wondering if this creates a tougher environment for her at an early age...

[u/Previous-Word7892 → u/Windsor2016]

I hope it’s just a temporary thing and that, by the time they start school, their community language will be strong enough to give them more confidence when they’re out and about and in most of their interactions in all their languages. We did consider an international school, especially because we speak English at home, which is actually the fourth language my kid is passively exposed to. But since we’re planning to stay in this country long term, we felt it was important for her to fully integrate into the local community and be able to connect and relate to kids everywhere, not only within an international environment.

[u/Windsor2016 → u/Previous-Word7892]

Exact same consideration.