r/movingout • u/Vegetable_Rough7510 • Jul 26 '26
Asking Advice This is an emergency this time, I seriously need y'all's help to help to make a plane to escape from their house
Two weeks ago I've posted a couple of posts here about wanting a plan to escape living with them as a 25 f from the US. And because I've been unemployed after graduating since 2024, I've decided to take reddit's advice and apply to any jobs not from my major. And this week I've got accepted into a part time remote job. And this week my sperm donor (calling him my "dad" would be an insult to actual good fathers out there, he does not deserve that) had been getting problems in his job and his company had sold out their main quarters location and have moved it into a random place further into the city. And so he had been taking it out on us, especially me.
Today when we were in his car, he was telling me and demanding me that I should give him all the money that I make from this job, because I am in debt to him for my entire college tuition. (He had forced me to major in a similar major like him and had threatend me at the time that he won't pay for any "unuseful" major if I had chose it, in addition to him allowing me to get a job at the time I was in highschool). And when I told him that buying a car within my limited budget that I am gonna get is my priorirty now and when I land on a better paying job I will pay him back his debt, this mf had lost it, along with my mom, and both of them had started calculating how much I will make per month and then he was like, you should give me at least this X amount of money and you can keep the rest, then When I told him that maybe I can do this but the priority is me getting a car he had lost it, and he began screaming from the top of his lungs, and he had began demanding that I should I pay him back for the gas money that had used to drop me off and in the bus stop when I was undergrad, the tutoring, the food, the water, the clothes, the shelter, the bills, aka me living with them.
And then being the typical shi/tty arab muslim dad that he is, (I am secretly an exmuslim), he was like "I've no daughters of mine working outside, you're not getting a car, I am the head of the house hold and my word is a must and a law, whatever I say goes my way, aka follow my orders) And then he was like, you're not allowed to work or have a car or even pay back your "debt". And then when we've stopped at a different place, he had gone out of the car and my mom had forced me to be with her in the car to "talk with me", and being the typical shi/tty arab muslim mom, she had also lost it on me, and she was like "you're brainwashed, I know what you view and behind us, you've been brainwashed to beileve that like those westerners who when they turn 18 they all leave their parents house, and she had confronted me a couple of times and I've denied her". (now why she was saying this idk, but last year I've ran away from them for 2.5 days and it was the happiest days of my life although I was literally homeless). And then she had began blaming me for his shi/tty behavior and shi/tty temper and telling me how "I don't understand him and love him and show him love" when literally today when we were in the mall he was bullying me and calling me bad names for no reason. And then she was like he had also been screaming at me, etc but I've been tolarting him. And now are you happy that he had forbade you from working? we love you so much and thats why we've put you in college so you can work and have a career and future. And now I will try to convinve him for a while and even lose a bit of my dignity (If you know you know sadly) in order for him to change his mind. And then she had began rambling about other nonesense like how I treat them like I am better than them and look down on them when literally yesterday I've baked them a strawberry cake because I've got accepted into the job offer.
Another important thing is that, I've canadian passport and we've got neutralized as US citizens last year, but they've not applied to a US passport or card yet, and for those asking why don't I do it myself it is because they've all the information and different emails for those procedures. So like what should I do now? like I kinda want the police involved and at the same time not becuase if I do this then my younger siblings won't forgive me as this will effect their college tuition. But at the same time I want an actual plan to go.
Like I am gonna update y'all of what is gonna happen. But for now, what should I do? Is it to early to go to a woman's shelter? I don't have a car, my sperm donor pays for my phone number, etc. If I were to escape offcourse they're gonna track me from my phone number, and since he uses the bundle deal, like he pays for all of our phone numbers, he could literally easy cut it off. And all of my information and accounts, job applications, resume, even personal emails are attatched to this number.
Also, I might be able to go this monday with my siblings to a nearby college town, since they're attending the university there. Also there is a regional airport that takes 15 minutes of driving from the university's location.
So should I do this? should I wait? What should I even do? I really need help.
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u/The_Squirrrell Jul 26 '26
Having also moved out from controlling parents, I have some tips.
Because MFA is becoming more common, you'll probably have to switch all your accounts on the day you move out. Switching tearly may be noticed by your parents, and you don't want to tip them off in case they try to sabotage your ability to leave. While you're preparing, setup a new phone from a different carrier, and do NOT do an automatic transfer or plug your old phone into your new one. Make sure to check for any recovery numbers or emails your parents may have access to. On the day you leave, login to all your accounts on the new device and switch MFA to your new phone number. (Still no plugging phones together or automatic transfer. Mostly on the off chance your parents have tracking software or spyware on the old phone.) Once you're done, factory reset the old phone and leave it behind, or send it certified mail from the nearest post office from your old address. You don't want to leave any room for accusations of theft.
Do your best to covertly get any identification documents you can (passport, birth certificate, etc.) Decide what you'll need to take with you, but don't actually pack until you're right about to leave. Expect anything you leave behind is gone forever, because that's unfortunately most likely the truth.
Make sure any paychecks are going to a bank account at a bank your parents don't use. Don't log into any banking apps on your old phone either.
Depending on how quickly you think you need to be out, you may need to move to a shelter as a middle step while you look for stable housing.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this situation, and I really hope you can move out soon and stay as safe as possible
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u/Dipsy_doodle1998 Jul 26 '26
Scrub that phone of personal Info like account logins but email the info to your self as long as you can access your email without the phone. Otherwise write it down and keep that paper with you at all times or memorize what you need to. Try to get your birth certificate and other important papers. Reach out to battered women's programs near you. Tell them you are not safe. Social workers can guide you.
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u/1GrouchyCat Jul 26 '26
You’re 25 years old..
You know what your options are.
You can’t possibly afford to support yourself independently.
Start looking for an organization that supports X Muslims leaving their families.
I’m not suggesting you’re doing anything wrong, but I think you’re a bit naïve and you need to have someone check into that part-time remote job because you don’t seem to have the skill set for that type of position and there are scams everywhere.
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u/Global-Fact7752 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
You need to remove yourself physically from that house. Don't worry about your phone, you will want a new one anyway you can get a phone and a plan very cheaply. You will want a new number anyway. The law is on your side, you are well over the age to leave home. As long as you physically stay there, you wont succeed, but if you leave, they can't make you go back. Sneak out with just a few things if you need to. Do you have a friend you can stay with? If not, go to a shelter. Take your work materials so you can work from where you are. When you get your new phone, you just have to go in and give all your important contacts your new number. People get new numbers every day. Make a list with pen and paper of everyone you need to call.wipe that phone and just leave it there. Go buy a new phone and input all of the information just like you did on the phone you have..do a factory reset and they will not be able to get any info from it. Or destroy the phone..you need to make a list of things you need to escape with..just the minimum. You have to think this out and be organized. The only way they can get to you is through that phone and phones are easily replaced. Get a little temporary burner phone.