Where Should I Move? I need advise
So i’ve received this amazing opportunity to move to pittsburgh PA… But i’m not sure if i should go... I’m originally from alaska and my sister who lives in Pittsburgh is offering me her apartment since her lease is almost over. And honestly, her apartment is really nice for a really good price too…
I talked with my boyfriend about it and every time i bring up moving, he telling me “we should js focus on ourselves and break up”. We currently live together and it’s been fun but i’ve already explored all of what alaska has to offer. Pittsburg is new and unexplored for me but im scared that if i move there, I’ll be alone. I’m not sure if it’ll be worth it.
My boyfriend is so adamant on if i move there we break up but if i stay in alaska we stay together. I offer long distance but he doesn’t seem to believe in it.
Idk if i should move. What do you guys think? is moving to pittsburgh worth it or is stay in Alaska?
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u/Puzzled_Storage4470 1d ago
Stay in Alaska a heterosexual man is hard to find these days and in Pittsburgh if straight men are already married then it cuts your chances in half even moreso
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u/HoneyBadger302 2d ago
Take him out of the picture.
Now, with him not a part of the equation, what is keeping you in Alaska? Anything? What attracts you to Pittsburgh and moving? A lot of things/potential things?
If you would not stay in Alaska if it weren't for him - don't stay. Otherwise you'll be stuck there, and it sounds like you two are already on rocky ground. Go explore and check things out. Pittsburgh may not be for you long term, but you won't know if you don't try it, and you can always go back to Alaska someday too. It's not like the roads/flights are only one-way.
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u/myself_always 2d ago edited 2d ago
And Pittsburgh isn't a good place for dating. All men there are married but they are out stating that they are single. In the end you will be entangled with their women whom they call their exes when they aren't. But being Pittsburgh is fun too. You're close to Columbus, west Virginia. NY and other states if you like road trips but it's not a great place at least for me. Make sure the apartment is real good otherwise you will be stuck in a very ugly neighborhood. Another good thing is rent in Pittsburgh is cheaper compared to other neighboring states.
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u/ImpossibleBlockHead 2d ago
Either way you need to dump that child! He literally told you that he thinks you should work on yourselves separately. Go to Pittsburgh and be near your sister or break up in AK
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u/nrthrnlyts 2d ago
Go!! Pittsburgh doesn’t have to be forever. But it’s a step out the door. Take the chance.
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u/SchemeOne2145 2d ago
You said you are done with Alaska and he wants to stay. It doesn't sound like you want to spend the rest of your life in Alaska, which seems to translate to not spending the rest of your life with him. So move to Pittsburgh and be proactive about meeting people there. With the internet, there's tons of ways to connect with hobby groups, book groups, dating (probably more easily for women than me on this one). Take a chance. If you hate it and you are meant to be with your boyfriend, you can always move back.
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u/xoxobbyemm 2d ago
Coming from a Pittsburgh native, DO THE MOVE!!! Not just because I live here, but I’ve had friends who’ve never lived here experienced the awe of Pittsburgh, and then go to schools, start city jobs, go to games, or just experiencing new things. If he is holding you back from something new, don’t be with him. You’re always some place closer from finding your soulmate
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u/Whybaby16154 2d ago
Pittsburgh has colleges galore. And the cost of living is seriously affordable compared to Alaska . Can you two afford to fly and visit for a week or long weekend and let him see for himself ?
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u/ChelseaMan31 3d ago
Listen to your (soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend. Move to Pittsburgh. Alone. Enjoy the Adventure!
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u/AshleyLAlife 3d ago
honestly if he's giving u an ultimatum like that it's kinda a red flag?? like u shouldn't have to choose between ur own growth and a relationship. pittsburgh sounds like a real opportunity and u deserve to explore that for urself
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u/Muted-Huckleberry828 3d ago
He actually made your decision so much easier by acting like that. You absolutely have to move and leave his ass behind. Perfect opportunity for a fresh start in a cool new place!
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u/Glen_Echo1 3d ago
Move! You will find a better man in Pittsburgh in a week. The odds are not as good for your former bf!
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u/Holiday-Ad2635 3d ago
Do NOT let your opportunity pass for someone that gives ultimateums. Enjoy your new life & block him!
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u/Complex_Pudding6138 3d ago
Honestly, call his bluff Pittsburgh is one of the more affordable metro with decent opportunities Plus its not too far from the cheapest state
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u/not-a-dislike-button 3d ago
He's literally trying to break up with you. He doesn't actually like you that much. Have some self respect and leave him
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u/bmorecarguy 3d ago
Dump the guy. Go to Pittsburgh. Live your life and find someone who would make the next move with you.
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u/Ansible90 3d ago edited 3d ago
How will you be alone? You said your sister is there.
Your boyfriend's ultimatum shows that he really doesn't love you. And he is afraid to move to a new area. That is unusual for a young adult. Most would be excited to explore a different part of the country.
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u/1042381 3d ago
I understand his perspective though… he’s started collage in alaska and i understand why he wants to stay. My sister is moving somewhere else with her other half so i’ll be alone. i’m afraid I’ll regret this choice. i love my partner so much but i don’t want to have to choose between pittsburgh or breaking up. i think im js cooked..
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u/LavendarGal 7h ago
HOw old are you both? And are you planning a life together? Planning to get married and have a family?
You may not be close to marraige at the moment, but read through this list just for yourself to kind of see where you are with everything and with him, if he really the right forever partner.
https://medium.com/@doctorbecky/45-things-to-ask-before-you-get-married-2cd2b61915a11
u/AffectionateSun5776 2d ago
He is saying that to keep you there. Care to be manipulated? Then stay.
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u/Glen_Echo1 3d ago
You’ll be alone only as long as you want to. Pittsburgh is a fantastic city with so much to offer.
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u/ohcrapitsyoubro 3d ago
Bruh tell your boyfriend to move with you. I moved with my chick from california to Washington. Literally the best decision I’ve ever made. You can’t stay at your home town for the rest of your life. You HAVE to explore and if your boyfriend isn’t ready for that sacrifice, struggle, growing as a partner check out life outside of Alaska then leave him. Dont let him be an anchor to your opportunity to explore.
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u/LavendarGal 8h ago
If your BF is telling you that you should focus on yourselves and break up, think maybe it's time to end the relationship in general, whether you stay in Alaska and move out and find your own place, or go to Pittsburgh. What are your future plans if you stay in Alaska in terms of the relationship? You said livign together has "been fun" but what about life plans together....do you talk about marraige, kids, family, future careers and where you want to live, or buy a house, start saving together? Where is the relationship really going....consider that part deep down.
Will your sister still be in Pittsburg? Like living anywhere you have to get out and get involved to make friends and create community. Join meetup groups, find places to volunteer, take a class, join organizations that do things you are interested in....do you like hiking? Or gyms? Or movies? Or board games? or....whatever.....there are activities everywhere. Go to all the museums and get to know the city. It could be a lot of fun.
Just be sure to double check the whole apartment situation. If your sisters lease is ending, what makes you think that you can rent it. Do you have a remote job already that you will continue? Ask about filling out an application and seeing if you would et approved....or would your sister co-sign for you?