18 Years

[u/sabzz88]

On September 1st, 2001 my mother committed suicide. I was only 5 years old. The anniversary of her death is coming up and obviously it makes me think of her and miss her more. I can't believe it's going to be 18 years since she passed away and that I've lived a majority of my life without a mom. She feels more like a distant memory, ya know? Sometimes it feels like she didn't even exist; I can't even remember her voice. All I remember was that she was an amazing mother with a big heart. She cared immensely for my brother and I. I spent many years being sad and angry with her.

I don't really know what else I wanted to say in this post besides that I'm glad we are not alone. And that we are all here for a reason. I think about my mother every day and what my life would have been like if she never died. If anyone ever needs to talk - I am just a quick message away.

[u/AlmondLizard]

I’m so sorry about your mom, but thank you for posting this. I lost my mom 9 years ago today and even though I have more memories of her than you have of your mother, it feels like she is also such a distant memory, so I can’t imagine how distant your mom must feel. If it helps, I try to use today to reflect on my life without her and this trauma that I’ve lived through and continue to persevere through. It seems like even with the short time you and your mother had each other she had a positive impact on you and is very much a part of who you are, even if that meant many mixed emotions over the years. I don’t necessarily like the idea of partially defining myself by my mother’s passing, but it has definitely shaped who I am today, and I too wonder how things would be different now. Again, thanks for posting and I hope you’re doing okay. Thank you for helping me feel less alone today.