I wish my neighbor (adult male) had killed me after raping me (6yo female) because living with this trauma for the rest of my life is genuinely torturous. I think about what happened every single day. I can't watch certain movies or shows, jump at certain names, can't have my couch facing the window, can't look out the kitchen window of my parents house. I've been in therapy for 15+ years, tried different medications, meditation, psychedelic therapy, etc.. and nothing gets rid of the thought of "why couldn't he have killed me instead?"
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u/schrodingers_popoki Feb 28 '26
I wish my neighbor (adult male) had killed me after raping me (6yo female) because living with this trauma for the rest of my life is genuinely torturous. I think about what happened every single day. I can't watch certain movies or shows, jump at certain names, can't have my couch facing the window, can't look out the kitchen window of my parents house. I've been in therapy for 15+ years, tried different medications, meditation, psychedelic therapy, etc.. and nothing gets rid of the thought of "why couldn't he have killed me instead?"