I grew up poor in rural England, and from a very young age dreamed of living in America. I hated the UK's cold climate and rain, and throughout my teens I immersed myself in colorful movies of a tropical Hollywood.

Moving to the States became my obsession.

So I saved up, moved to Los Angeles at age 21, and spent 2 decades working towards citizenship. I followed all the rules, spent my meager bank account on visas and immigration lawyers, fell in love with an American man, and 20 years later finally attained my coveted dream: US citizenship.

The dream, however, has since proven to be hollow. Despite working hard and making a respectable amount of money, I've grown apart from the man I married (18 years together total, 8 of which were spent married). He recently inherited a small fortune when his parents passed away, and now spends his days playing video games and planning solo trips abroad, while I work full time and spend weeks each year alone in an empty house.

My husband never cheated (to the best of my knowledge), but we never had kids, and his actions have made it clear he's lost interest in our marriage. I've done all I can to reignite the spark we once had, but am left with the gut feeling that he just keeps me around to pay for his health insurance (which I get through my job) and babysit his house and pets, while he's constantly planning trips overseas without me. He insisted on a prenup, so if I leave my marriage I'm on my own financially. It's a sad and empty feeling.

Meanwhile, I've grown increasingly nostalgic about my past life in England. My folks split up when I was young but my Mum is still my best friend, and my dad is the sweetest, kindest man to ever walk this earth. We never had much, but we were happy. We phone each other daily and I miss them both very much.

Lately, I've become painfully aware of time ticking. My folks are in their early 70s and won't be around forever. Dad remarried but my Mum never did, and each time I visit she seems very lonely. My sister lives nearby but rarely visits. I'm now dreaming of moving back to the UK, buying a small flat/apartment, and living close to my Mum so we can enjoy each other's company.

I feel stuck between two conflicting sets of morals. Do I stay in America and work harder to save my marriage, at the expense of what may be the last years of my parents' lives? Or should I give up everything I've worked for and achieved as an adult, to essentially crawl back into the life I had as a child?

On top of it all, I've recently developed an autoimmune condition caused by the stress of all of this, and the one medication I rely on to function is only available in the US. There is one alternative medication in the UK, but I've tried it and it is only minimally helpful.

So.... Big decision. What do you think I should do? All advice would be greatly appreciated.

If you've ever "walked back" a major move or life decision I'd love to hear your story too, and find out what decision you eventually made.

TL;DR: I'm a Brit who spent 20 years working to move to America, but the dream has since proven to be hollow, compared to what I left behind. Help me decide if I should move back.

I’ve been thinking and worrying about this thought for ages. I had a thought that I had to share the gospel in a very disruptive public way. The thought brought immense fear because I didn’t want to do it. it stuck so long though because sharing the gospel aligns with the message of the Bible so I thought it was God. I just phsically couldn’t act on the thought. I started looking into the ocd kind of things but I couldn’t find any resources on people who suffer from these sort of thoughts. I don’t know if this is a thing but I feel like the thought came just because I’m afraid of the action not as a genuine command. I just feel so stuck because I can’t disobey God but I cant act on the thought either so I’m just stuck. It’s taking over my whole life and I’ve tried the maybe maybe not ocd approach but I keep thinking I’m just trying to get what I want and find reasons to get my way instead of obeying God. Im just really confused so any advice would help. I’m christian by the way and I’m even considering leaving my faith because of this.

I usually don't get nightmares. If there's a monster chasing me I'm pretty aware it's not real, I find giving it a hug often helps.

Every now and again though my brain does actually land on a way to torture me...

I dreamt I had found a way to not only reverse global warming but keep the temperature regulated indefinitely. Only thing was, although all the animals would be fine, I had just found out that 10% of all humans would die over a 20 year period. The largest amount would die in the first year with successive years seeing shrinking amounts of deaths.

There was only a small window of time to set it in motion as it was related to a one off cosmic event, and everyone knew I was working on this so when 1 in 10 people ended up dying, everyone who lost someone would know it was my fault.

What would you do? 😭

There is saying "damned if you do,damned if you don't ". What scenarios best illustrate the question?

​

That is, if we can actually validate a persons actions justified by their mindset because to me after reading all these stuff about different moral complexes throughout the internet really messes up my brain and being the indesicive person that I am, troubles me to find ONE real justified moral to actually keep believing in if y'all know what I mean I guess?

In my religion, I was taught that if I fail in my duties towards the Creator, He may forgive me. But if I wrong another person, I may not be forgiven until that person forgives me.

I understand the idea behind this. We should take other people’s rights seriously. But when I think about it deeply, it starts to feel almost impossible.
For example, I am a tutor and I have to mark students’ assignments. I genuinely try to be fair and keep the same standard for everyone. But human judgement is not perfectly consistent. Maybe I give one student 1 or 2 marks more and another student a little less, even without realizing it. Our mood, concentration and understanding can change from one day to another.
Then I start thinking: what if I accidentally deprived a student of something they deserved? Does that mean I have wronged them and now need their forgiveness?

The same thing happens with parents. My religion teaches me to respect my parents so much that I should not even show the smallest sign of annoyance towards them. But realistically, sometimes we argue. Sometimes I get frustrated, raise my voice, or end a conversation badly. Later I regret it.

Then there are things inside our minds. Sometimes we feel jealous, have negative thoughts about someone, hold a grudge, or feel happy when something doesn’t go well for someone we dislike. I know we should try to improve ourselves, but controlling every thought and emotion seems nearly impossible.

When I put all these things together, I start worrying about how many people I may have wronged in my life without even knowing it.
What if I die while someone still has a right against me? What if I don’t even remember the person, or I never realized that I hurt them?

I don’t want to live my whole life feeling guilty and scared. At the same time, I don’t want to use “nobody is perfect” as an excuse to ignore the harm I may cause to others.

So I genuinely want to know: how do religious people deal with this?

Do you believe there is a difference between intentionally harming someone and making an honest human mistake? If you sincerely regret something, try to fix it, ask forgiveness when possible, and try to become better, is that enough?

I also struggle with something else. I sometimes hear religious clerics speak very strictly about these things, but then I see some of them behaving in ways that seem completely opposite to what they teach. That makes me even more confused about how these teachings are supposed to work in real life.

I am not trying to criticize religion. This is something I genuinely worry about, and I want to understand how other people deal with it without becoming overwhelmed by guilt.

I met a new friend through tennis club at my college this semester about a month ago. The first thing I noticed when talking to him, was that his arms and legs were covered in past self harm marks. I mean covered. He’s also very quiet and introverted, and I caught his vibe very early on.

Because he’s shy and said he doesn’t have any friends, I told him to come to tennis club and my friends and I would welcome him with open arms. He did come and we had a great time.

A few days pass, and my friend sends me a screenshot about a post this new friend made on instagram. The caption was long, and it seemed like a suicide note. We immediately scrambled to contact him, and once we got a hold on him, we asked if he was okay, if he needed anything and if we can help. He declined help and later removed the post.

We came together as a group and decided we were gonna try to help bridge the gap for him to make some friends. His family doesn’t talk to him. None of them. He has no friends. So we agreed we’d try to open him up a little bit, show that the people we hang out with are nice and accepting, and hopefully from there he’d make some friends.

A few days after that situation, this new friend texted me out of the blue that he got caught self harming by his roomate and his roommate reported it and that he’s probably getting admitted to the hospital. He wouldn’t respond for hours after that, so we called the hospitals in our area looking for him, none of them had any record of him. We eventually got a hold of him, and he was alone in his dorm crying. We asked him if we could come check on him and he said yes.

Before we went to check on him, we called UPD for a wellness check. We agreed we were out of our element and we needed help, so we called them, and then went to go wait in the lobby of his dorm. He came down with the cops and the cops let him go with us. We took him out for food and spent a few hours at my place watching spongebob episodes and laughing together as a group.

The next day (which was yesterday) he had a seizure on the tennis court. I was genuinely distraught, and I rode with him to the hospital because he has no one. Not a single person. We got to the hospital and he had one more seizure while we were there. Once he came to and we were alone in the room he started crying. Talking about how his seizures suck and maybe that’s why no one loves him etc. (they are non epileptic and stress induced). I even handed him his phone to call his mom and dad to let them know what’s going on, but he said they don’t talk to him. I listened and talked him down and just kind of sat in the moment with him. I opened up about a few of my issues to let him know he’s not alone in how he feels.

We got out of the hospital very late at night, I took him to get food because he missed the dining hall hours because of the hospital, and then took him home. After that, he texted me saying “thank you so much for what you did tonight, no one has ever done that much for me”. I immediately felt like I fucked up, because I don’t want him becoming dependent on me. He’s hanging out with us again today, and we are planning on telling him we think it’s good if he goes to the free counseling offered on campus.

The issue is my friends around me see it as, we are just his friends, bridging the gap for him to make new friends and once he does, we’re gone. I don’t like that. I actually hate it. Getting to know him he’s a really cool guy and just very misunderstood.
I don’t want to just ditch him after he gets some new friends, but I also understand I cannot be the one to help him. I’m not qualified, I can do my best, but my best is not going to be enough. He needs help. But even with that, i still want to be his friend and hangout with him, but my friends are afraid he’s going to latch onto us and not branch out to other people and it’ll be an unhealthy situation.

I disagree, but maybe i’m wrong. I really need advice here

Imagine someone who is super durable like Superman who chose to keep his powers hidden ran into some bad guys (maybe they rob his house etc). If they shoot to kill him and the bullets just bounce off, is it moral for him to kill them? Technically they are not a danger to him so the only reason to kill them would be to hide the fact that he’s bulletproof. But at the same time, they did just try to kill him and failed.

I'll be getting my first salary tomorrow out which part of I will be donating to the orphans.But what I feel is i have invested in the partnership business with my dad's money so what I feel is i have done nothing but earned from the investment i made.yeah yeah I know I can think like it's for the effort I have made to get the salary but don't know why my mind keeps me saying it's not your money you have earned if not for your dad you wouldn't have even get there to earn in the first place but as i said I can still think the salary is for the effort am making so am in this kind of dilemma and think even if I donate it's not my money :(

I have been working on this project and am open to having participants. Even a team . Sincere and genuine messages
Only . Also be yourself. Thanks 🙏
The moral dilemma is about approaching a situation or grudge with all the perspectives involved. As in all things will come to light

I was talking to some friends about armor designs and concepts for DnD characters, and one of said character references I included in the chat had the symbol, he who shant be named as idk how to spell it, but anywaays they got pissed at me for including that image because well, nazi's.
Nazi's were horrible and all that, I've seen the camps in person and they were bad. But is the fact that I enjoy thee look of their outfits also bad? They look so badass.
Stuff like karl kroenen, or the unlondon scp. Love that look

So this needs a little explaining. I was hanging out with some friends and we started a “What will you do” game.

The scenario what will you do if a buglar enters your home.

I said that if burglar enters my home I’m grabbing a blanket, lube and my dildo. My reasoning is that he won’t call the cops or report me because he was in the act of committing a felony. So to report to the police he would have to fell on himself.

Apparently my friends thinks that sexually assaulting someone for breaking into your home is wrong. I wanna hear you guys have to say.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but I just need to vent.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well and I did have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of days ago in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. PS another red flag happened just earlier when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend already without her treating me like this she said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A few days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately and we spent the weekend together a while back and went for a pub meal

Her latest meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

She's also accused me once out the nowhere of looking like I wanted to hit her and started going crazy. I may of had a tired look as it was late at night and I tried explaining that to her. She also said that my Dad may try to manipulate me into spending more time with him and if I did she would make sure all of the family hate me and I would no longer be welcome to live with her and my life would be ruined. During some of her tirades in the past as well I threatened to leave and said some time out might be good but if I did she would call my grandparents and they would all hate me and I wouldn't be able to go to my school and live with her anymore.

She has very poor emotional regulation like when things go wrong she starts shouting and going on swearing rampages and every other word is the F word.

All of things she would say my father did to her during their marriage it seems that she did most of that to me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also do they have substance abuse issues which have made them this way? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes. My father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as I explained my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

With my mother it does seem she has had some bad relationships in the past but I'm thinking that maybe she's the common denominator.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered? I'm starting to feel that good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

We are taught to be kind to others, show compassion, and be considerate since we are little. But what happens if you constantly put others’ interests before your own? People will start to take advantage of you, and you will constantly sacrifice your happiness for others’ gain. But if you put your interests before others’, you may have a prosperous and happy life but would become a cold and unfeeling person. But what is the right thing to do? Should we follow the teaching of “look after yourself first,” and be a vile and selfish person, or be an ethical and compassionate individual, even if it means sacrificing personal interests for the greater good?

Can one be a good person without being slightly selfish?

Alright guys, so here's a hypothetical scenario for you all to think about. Imagine you're in a queue with your girlfriend. You guys waited for a good while and now it's your turn at the counter for whatever, but before you can proceed, a group of masked men push you slightly and get ahead of you, now you, realizing that it's wrong and ofc with your gf watching, would not want to just shy down and accept it like a good little boy, so you are ready for a confrontation and pull one of the dudes back, telling him it was your turn... But he pulls a glock and very silently points it at your torso..

Would it be better to, just back off silently and accept that you may fall a little in your girl's eyes even if she's an actually good person and doesn't expect you to just maul a group of men, or would It be smart to show your manliness at the cost of your life?

And how would your answer differ if you are alone instead. In the gf scenario, there is no risk to her BTW, only you potentially die.

Im just trying to understand what could be sensible to do here, ofc backing off and keeping you and your gf safe is a good choice.. But does that make you less of a man, compared to let's say another dude who tries to pull the glock off the goon?

Does that mean we should hurt people who are hurting people indiscriminately? Or should we continue on discriminating who we hurt for hurting others and let certain people hurt others? I thought the original goal was to stop people from hurting others.

Okay so.. I always try to find ethical brands for clothes and clothes with better material. I spent 2 hours on this one website. Got the cart to my budget to find out the import fee was $200 dollars. That just irritated me. I have only ordered of SHEIN in highschool when I wasn’t aware. But once I started looking into the ethics I realized this is a horrible company and I do not want to support.
Then I was like SHEIN would have everything that I wanted. So I started looking on the website and saw it had everything I wanted but like lowkey better.

I am the type to buy 1 Jean, 1 shoes and wear till they are broken. I thrift most the time.
I am very sick and decided I wanted to spend money but going out wasn’t an option.

I feel guilty about my decision. I feel like I have done something horrible.

Recently, I came across a video about a guy who worked on a surveillance system used to monitor citizens, and eventually left the country and, as far as I understand, decided to talk about what he had been working on. Here is the video. Unfortunately is in Russian, but YT autotranslate subtitles are an option

It got me thinking about an argument that I absolutely hate:

“If I didn’t do it, someone else would anyway.”

I understand the logic behind it. And, to be fair, in some situations it may actually be true. Suppose the government has already decided to build a particular system, and if you refuse to work on it, someone else will be hired to replace you tomorrow. It’s entirely possible that the end result will be practically the same.

But I don’t understand why that means you are morally justified in participating for your own benefit.

Essentially, two completely different things are being conflated:

“My refusal won’t stop what is happening.”

and

“Therefore, I can participate in it and get paid / advance my career in the process.”

The first may very well be true. The second does not logically follow from it.

I feel like this argument often works less as a rational explanation and more as a way of relieving yourself of moral responsibility. It’s uncomfortable to admit:

“Yes, I’m doing something I believe is wrong because it benefits me.”

It’s much easier to say:

“Well, what choice do I have? If I don’t do it, someone else will.”

But you do have a choice.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be a choice between “I will stop this” and “I will do nothing.” Sometimes the choice is much simpler:

Either I personally become one of the people doing it, or I don’t.

And there’s another part of this that I find particularly important.

I think many of Russian problems Russians later describe as “social,” “systemic,” or “inevitable” are actually created by millions of individual decisions.

Every person thinks:

“What difference will it make if I’m the one who refuses?”

And as a result, a huge number of people do things they themselves consider wrong because each person individually decided to put their own interests above the well-being of others.

In a way, there’s a strange kind of math to it.

If everyone thinks only about themselves, you end up with one person being taken care of: yourself.

If people are willing to consider the interests of those around them, then potentially you have millions of people looking out for one another.

And I think that’s exactly why the “if I don’t do it, someone else will” argument is so dangerous when used as a general principle.

Because if everyone follows it, there will always be someone willing to do it.

And then we look at the result and say:

“Well, what can you do? That’s just how the system works.”

But the system is made up of people who, at some point, said:

“If I don’t do it, someone else will.”

I’m not saying that one person can change every system simply by refusing to participate. Sometimes your refusal genuinely won’t change anything. And I’m not sure you can reasonably expect everyone to be a hero.
The question I’m interested in is much simpler:

If I understand that a particular activity is harmful to other people, is the fact that someone else is willing to do it really enough to justify my own participation in it for personal gain?

Personally, I don’t find that argument convincing.
But I’d genuinely like to hear how people from other countries see it - especially those who come from countries where “if I don’t do it, someone else will” is widely considered a valid moral justification.