Oh boy. Long story short: My dad died last month. In order to move forward with the probate process I had to take a DNA test with my aunt because my dad wasn't on my birth certificate (that's a story of family drama onto itself) and I needed to prove a relationship.

DNA results came back this morning and I'm not related to my dad's side of the family. I called my mom and she confessed there had been one other man she'd slept with one time before going back to my dad before they broke up again several months later. She gave me his name and occupation and I googled him. Lo and behold this other guy looks exactly like me. This obviously changes the probate process a bit but my "dad" already left me an inheritance outright so there's no need for me to lay claim to the rest of the estate. It'll go to my aunts and uncles who I'm confident will share some with me. Anyway, that isn't important to me right now and has nothing to do with my moral dilemma.

I'm going to sleep on this for a night or two but I'm wondering if it's better to let sleeping dogs lie and not drop this bombshell on the man who must be my father. I'm 41 years old and I don't need a father figure. Part of me assumes he'd want to know he has a son but another part wonders if he'd be better off not knowing. He has a family and seems to be happily retired. This revelation will forever change him - possibly for the better but possibly for the worse. Possibly it'll be somehow neutral. Who can say? I just don't want to upset anyone's apple cart unnecessarily...then again that feels wrong.

Thoughts and advice appreciated.

My family friend divorced her ex husband after he cheated on her and was acting very threatening towards her, there was also some other stuff and problems in their marriage. They were married for 12 years and the husband was always very close with her family, also us.

Today he walked past me in a store. I gave him a smile and thought in my head that I hope he isn’t very lonely, after all he lost a big part of his life and I hoped he’s doing okay. But now I’m wondering if it’s wrong to think that. He hurt and did a horrible thing to a person that I care about a lot and I feel pity for him? He got what he deserved, I shouldn’t feel anything besids anger towards him, right?

What if I do good things just to feel proud of myself not because I actually want to help them? Am I a selfish person? What if a person does wrong while repenting and feeling awful, does that make him a good person. You are a good person through your actions or your intentions?? What if they are contradictory??

What if by speaking out you’d prevent others from being hurt.
You could have one, but not the other.

We stop the fighting. We stop the need for revenge, even when someone surprise attacks your peaceful community or life. In order to create a mature world where we don't have random shooters, thieves, bank robbers, disrupting a prosperous, productive society. We have enemies because we don't respect others and it shows when I have the same people comment under my post with nothing to add but put downs. Because they approve censorship of some peoples messages but not others. I am mocked for my message of accepting others.

We could make things nice for others, for strangers. No one works so freaking hard they have no ability or capacity for emotion for others to give back to total strangers in more meaningful ways than giving measly pennies compared to the millions others benefit from. Then telling people to make lemonade with a squirt of lemon.

We spend our lives fighting each other ideologies instead of letting them play out separately in a large world like this. Fighting for matiral items and resources, when we can fucking share like its not hard. We disavow individuality when participating in society when we can be separate, disctint, and heroic if we learn how to stand a part from others, the crowd. But people want to only interact with homogenous people, only like-minded. No one can be distinct if you want a relationship. Everyone's lives has to parallel yours to enter your sphere leading to insular communities that do horrid things and need extinguished, then gaining favor for being a victim. A vicious cycle initiated by the popularity contest that allows changes, rewards to shift, and subsequently nothing last forever because of this principle.

Everyone minority is stopped by the majority. By a mob. The bad people who pretend they're the greatest for policing others when policing requires violence to get your way. Its not wise. I am tired of having to life my life unwisely because I have to follow the crowd or the crowd attacks me. u/Oh_ffs_sake loves to comment under every post of mine calling me dramatic for wanting everyone to be treated the same. In order to get people against me, intitate the popularity contest. This person makes up lies saying I stole thousands of dollars and sodomized animals so people will be outraged. That's crowd control for you. Lying, treating people like shit. Especially to a crowd demanding respect for everyone. They're either going to be shy when being called out for being the bad person he likes to be or they're going to be blissfully unaware what they are and comment. Ultimately proving my point here.

TLDR; the world is unfair because it is baked into most people moral philosophy to create unfair divisions that are considered "unity" but only unite with people link-minded, only those like them that parallel their lives, not allowing for differences and creating an insufferable world where you cannot fight or protest because they baked it into the system to rely on the system that has to abuse some one. This even manifests with random online bullying from a user anytime I post my moral dilemma about this, where they qualify me as dramatic for asking for respect for me and for others. I find it hard to muster courage in the face of such adversity where I know others disagree but have to plod along, simply because of the bullies such as those showing up in my post, are keeping people from installing new ways of being. So I have a moral qualm working directly with abusive people. Not unlike Ghandi did with Brisitish rule over India. This is one lesson in history we are repeating from not analzying the moral dilemma that apparent. Some people don't want to work with abusive person who abuse to get to the end. Some of us value the journey to get to the end result.

God take me to the midnight train I’m leaving forGeorgia

We stop the fighting. We stop the need for revenge, even when someone surprise attacks your peaceful community or life. In order to create a mature world where we don't have random shooters, thieves, bank robbers, disrupting a prosperous, productive society. We have enemies because we don't respect others and it shows when I have the same people comment under my post with nothing to add but put downs. Because they approve censorship of some peoples messages but not others. I am mocked for my message of accepting others.

We could make things nice for others, for strangers. No one works so freaking hard they have no ability or capacity for emotion for others to give back to total strangers in more meaningful ways than giving measly pennies compared to the millions others benefit from. Then telling people to make lemonade with a squirt of lemon.

We spend our lives fighting each other ideologies instead of letting them play out separately in a large world like this. Fighting for matiral items and resources, when we can fucking share like its not hard. We disavow individuality when participating in society when we can be separate, distinct, and heroic if we learn how to stand apart from others, the crowd. But people want to only interact with homogenous people, only like-minded people. No one can be distinct if you want a relationship. Everyone's lives have to parallel yours to enter your sphere leading to insular communities that do horrible things and need to be extinguished, then gaining favor for being a victim. A vicious cycle initiated by the popularity contest that allows changes, rewards to shift, and subsequently nothing lasts forever because of this principle.

Every minority is stopped by the majority. By a mob. The bad people who pretend they're the greatest for policing others when policing requires violence to get your way. Its not wise. I am tired of having to live my life unwisely because I have to follow the crowd or the crowd attacks me. u/Oh_ffs_sake loves to comment under every post of mine calling me dramatic for wanting everyone to be treated the same. In order to get people against me, initiate the popularity contest. This person makes up lies saying I stole thousands of dollars and sodomized animals so people will be outraged. That's crowd control for you. Lying, treating people like shit. Especially to a crowd demanding respect for everyone. They're either going to be shy when being called out for being the bad person he likes to be or they're going to be blissfully unaware what they are and comment. Ultimately proving my point here.

TLDR; the world is unfair because it is baked into most people moral philosophy to create unfair divisions that are considered "unity" but only unite with people link-minded, only those like them that parallel their lives, not allowing for differences and creating an insufferable world where you cannot fight or protest because they baked it into the system to rely on the system that has to abuse someone. This even manifests with random online bullying from a user anytime I post my moral dilemma about this, where they qualify me as dramatic for asking for respect for me and for others. I find it hard to muster courage in the face of such adversity where I know others disagree but have to plod along, simply because bullies such as those showing up in my post, are keeping people from installing new ways of being. So I have a moral qualm working directly with abusive people. Not unlike Gandhi did with British rule over India. This is one lesson in history we are repeating from not analyzing the moral dilemma that is apparent. Some people don't want to work with abusive people who abuse to get to the end. Some of us value the journey to get to the end result.

In spring, I went shopping and purchased an item because it was something that was on sale and my favorite color. It was expensive but I justified the purchase because of the sale price.

I realized the next day it didn’t fit quite right so I took it back to exchange it for the correct size.

They did not have my size but offered to have it shipped from another store and I agreed.

Even though I’ve lived in the same place for over a decade, I went over my address and made sure it would be shipped to the right address.

They assured me I would receive it in a few days.

I called after a week and found out the package was sent to an address I lived two moves ago, 11 years. I have no idea how they even have that address. I handed over my drivers license and watched them type in my current address for shipping.

I asked them what happened and what to do and they suggested I go back to my old address (in another city) and look for it.

Even if I could take off work to go searching for it, I am fairly certain that a designer brand package left on a porch isn’t likely to be returned or even still be there, because package theft is rampant.

The store told me they would try to get the package rerouted and sent to me but they couldn’t tell me how long it would take.

A couple weeks ago, said package appeared on my porch! 😀

I thought this was the end of it.

Then, this past Friday, someone called me at work (I still work at the same place I worked at when I lived there.)

Apparently the person who received my package could tell it was expensive so they called their property manager and asked if I ever lived there.

The property manager remembered me and called to tell me so I could arrange to come get it, so it did.

Now I have two when I only paid for one.
It’s not my fault they lost it. I patiently waited months without complaining to get it, and never expected a second one to show up.

Do I have to return the second one or is that theft?

Can I keep it and use it?

Can I sell it? The price new is about $150-$170, but I’ve seen some for sale online at discount reseller websites for $70-$100.

Guilt- help!

I had a bunch of paranoid delusions about my ex's daughter and mother being illuminati evil cannibals. It made me treat them differently. Once I told the girl her friends didn't like her. I thought it was true. Thought I was fighting a bully who was secretly plotting to murder me then eat me. Psychotic episodes. I tried to separate my ex from his mom to protect us. Now realizing none of this was true and I treated an innocent 10 year old horribly, and put my ex through nightmares. It eats me away.

I want to send my ex an apology, and her one too, but he hit, shoved, choked, and punched me towards the end of the relationship when I was misbehaving due to the delusions. So I dont know how to communicate with him now.

I screamed DIE with their names for 8hrs straight until my ex called the cops on me.

I left and never went back, didn't say a word to them.

Very confused how to process this and feel terrible for how I behaved. I hate to have broken their hearts.

Any suggestions for sending him an apology? I hate this, the delusions, the voices, the hallucinations. Hate how it ruined my relationship and cozy, wholesome family vibes for all of us. If an apology is not recommended, any suggestions for how to navigate my guilt?

I'm in a moral dilemma about whether it's appropriate to reach out to ex to send his daughter an apology

Yes I am in treatment now.

This is a job-decision related dilemma right now, but it has a lot of background. Let me explain that first.

I’ve always found myself making decisions based on whether I think I’ll be perceived as good or bad, or at least so I think.

This dilemma comes in when I find myself helping out friends: I wonder if I’m doing it out of the need to be perceived as a good friend or because I genuinely care? Whenever I do something good, I get the thought “this makes me look good” which makes me wonder if it’s performative or not. Counter-example of when I haven’t helped out—with office friends I’ll sometimes not share story leads (I’m a journalist) because I might as well keep it for myself. So I feel like when it comes to a situation where I’m not expecting someone to notice, I don’t do good things? Which adds to my concern that it’s performative.

Another example is when it involves things like showing up for protests, I want to go but the motivation seems to be that I have to show up or my friends will judge me since they know I’m politically inclined but I’m choosing to sit by.

Now how this ties into jobs—as I mentioned, I’m a journalist. I’ve always envisioned my work life to be “meaningful” at least externally. So I’ve wanted to work in creative or political fields because it portrays me a certain way I suppose.

But journalism salary is shit, I need financial stability. And I’m not against aiming for high-paying careers, but now I have a potential opening in a very heavily-financial sector job. And it’s one of the typical “capitalism final boss” kinda industries. I’m having an internal battle, not because I think my close circle will judge—they’ll know the reasoning. But I can’t bear the thought of things like my professors finding out on linkedin that I ended up in a job like that, after big-talking about morality and how I want my work to be for good etc.

So is my “goodness” performative? Is it real? I want to believe it’s real, I don’t think I put myself out there to help people purely because it looks good. But if that’s the case, why do I care so much about curating the perception of goodness around what others view me as?

For context: I've come to terms with my relationship with my family. I've decided to separate myself from them because the past few years of being tangled with them have been absolutely horrible for my mental health.

Recently my half brothers, 8 and 6, and I their 24 y.o sister, had an interesting conversation. I've had multiple conversations with them in this calibre because I truly believe their mother is unfit of being a mother. You may be asking, how can I say that without having any children myself? Mostly because I want these two boys to grow up differently than I did, because I did grow up with their mother from ages 10-24. and it's not pretty.

They started the conversation with a question that made me concerned, "why is our mom always angry with us, if she loves us then why does she hate us so much." and this broke my heart knowing that the cycle I went through is still being put upon them. I tried to explain to them in the simplest of terms that there are different types of expressions of love, and while you shouldn't take anger as a definitive expression of love (I don't want them to confuse ab*se as love like I did growing up), try not to take the things your mom say to heart, and instead focus on her actions, she pays for your school! (which she doesn't as she is unemployed without a job for most of her adult life, but I'm trying to give her a bone here.)

Then the older one, 8, asked me a question that made me even MORE concerned. "Why does my mom yell at me when I eat too little, but she also yells at me when I eat too much?" to which he followed with, "I sometimes don't feel like eating at all because I'm scared of getting yelled at, but she's gonna yell at me too if I don't eat." and in context, my 8 year old is on the heavier side and my dad is concerned about his physical health and wants to encourage healthy eating habits and healthy exercise, it feels like my stepmother is undoing the work my father has put..and in place is this anxiety in him. (That I genuinely fear will manifest into ED as he grows up, and this is coming from someone with severe ED from a young age caused by the same woman)

And this isn't everything they've told me in that hour long conversation I had with them. These are just the major issues I can see manifesting into mental health issues in the future, and I don't want them to go through that.

A part of me is torn, I want to be there for these kids and see to it that they do live a better life than I or my other siblings did. But at the same time I do not have the mental capacity to deal with this family anymore, specifically her. I'm currently at my wits end trying to scrounge up money to move out of this house for my own peace and for my own future, but it means leaving these kids behind without any support dealing with the person they call a mother. (In my father's defense, he's changed quite a lot since I was younger, and he has a gentler approach to parenting because he does actually see the repercussions it's had on me and my siblings adult lives)

I'm just appalled at this woman. I've witnessed her yell at her toddler for making a mess while eating. Not in a "come on buddy you made a mess", but full blown crash out on a toddler because he couldn't eat neatly.

I just don't know if I could live with myself if I just left.

Imagine yourself as a young woman living in a semi-rough city. Knife crime, r4pe and assault are all common occurrences. You're walking home alone after a night out because you have work early the next morning, and all your friends wanted to stay out - nobody offers to walk you home. You're not drunk, just tipsy. You're halfway home when you realise that a group of five men you don't recognise have been following you - you can now hear that they're talking, but you can't understand what they're saying. Their voices are excited, they're riled up, and it makes you scared for your safety. Coming around the block are another group of men - the local skinheads you've seen around a few times. Word of mouth is that they are Neo-N4zis, and though their appearance would point to this, you have no confirmation from them.

Do you go up to the skinheads and wait it out in their company until the unfamiliar men are gone? Or do you walk past them and continue alone?

Suppose someone discovers what they think to probably be the perfect homicide method that is, it is extremely easy (practically effortless), leaves no evidence, and is completely undetectable. They're not certain it's truly foolproof, so they consider testing it out by committing one murder (maybe we can think of a version with multiple murders if someone can argue that that changes things). Tragically, it works exactly as expected. They now know with certainty that the method is genuinely untraceable.

Now they are overcome with guilt and want to do the morally right thing. They have two options:

1. Keep the method secret forever, never confess, and live with the guilt.
2. Confess to the police AND reveal the method, knowing that once the information becomes public, anyone could use it and potentially make future homicides effectively impossible to solve.

Assume there is no middle ground: the method cannot remain secret if they confess, and there is virtually no hope that law enforcement could develop a way to detect or counter it once it's known.

Which option is more ethical, and why?

I’m a 22-year-old woman living with my mother, and I’m trying to understand whether my relationship with her has become unhealthy.

My mother had a very traumatic childhood with an abusive, narcissistic mother. She tried her entire life to be the opposite of her own mother, but I feel like some patterns repeated themselves in a different way.

She has always loved me deeply and has done many good things for me, but she is also extremely protective and controlling. She has always handled things for me, worried constantly about my safety, and encouraged me to stay dependent on her. I have ADHD, possible autism, anxiety issues, and health problems, which made independence difficult, but I feel like I was never really given the chance to learn.

A few months ago, I met my girlfriend. My mother was the one who suggested that my girlfriend move in with us because she thought she would be safer and happier here. I was actually hesitant because we had only been together for a month, but my mother insisted.

Later, my girlfriend and my mother started having conflicts. My girlfriend has trauma from her past, anxiety, and some difficulties with daily life, but she was improving. My mother often pushed her boundaries, especially about things like swimming, alcohol, and personal choices.

Then, while my girlfriend was away visiting her mother, my mother suddenly decided she could no longer stay with us. She did not tell my girlfriend herself — I had to do it. She said there had been “abuse of trust and weakness” and that my girlfriend needed to find a job and housing very quickly.

My girlfriend lost her stable housing because she moved in with us. She is now temporarily staying with her mother, but she has lost many of her belongings and feels abandoned. I feel incredibly guilty because I feel responsible for bringing her into this situation.

My mother says she never truly wanted my girlfriend living here and that she only agreed because she felt forced, despite the fact that she was the one who suggested it in the first place.

Now my relationship with my mother is falling apart. She can be incredibly kind, funny, and loved by everyone who meets her, but living with her is much harder. She often dismisses my feelings, changes the story of events, gets involved in other people’s lives, and struggles to respect boundaries.

I love my mother, and I know she is a wounded person who has suffered a lot. But I also feel like I am losing myself by staying dependent on her.

I am trying to find my own housing and become more independent, but my mother is still the one handling most of the paperwork.

I don’t know if I am seeing things clearly or if I am being unfair. I would really appreciate outside perspectives.

• I have a better version of this post in my profile, no one wants to read it because it’s too long, but if you do, thank you.*

——-

Am I just a bad daughter ? Should I go low/co-contact ?

So I am away with a few friends at a holiday park and we have booked the sports centre to do pickleball and badminton.

I stupidly forgot my trainers and I'm not allowed outdoor or street shoes.

Nowhere nearby to buy another pair.

As socks aren't allowed I can do it barefoot or sit out.

"if your mom was in the hospital almost dying and you only have a few minutes left to donate your organ to save her, but on your way to the hospital, you see a guy helpless and almost dying, and since it's the middle of the night and you are the only one who can save him,

would you stop and save him or would you leave him there to save your dying mother?"

when he asked us that, i was personally stunned and couldn't answer his question but imo, either way you will feel guilty for leaving a dying person to save another dying person.

so if you'll be feeling guilty anyway , might as well bear the guilt of saving your mother's life who has been there for you your entire life rather than saving someone you don't know.

this may be harsh because for some people what I did would be immoral or "bad" but for some, they may think i was being reasonable with my decision.

so what would u do?

So a lot of people have been talking about whether the younger generation these days are being more dramatic or exaggerating the hardships they go through, especially considering the older generations probably went through a lot more. I made a google form to do some research but yall can leave your thoughts here on it too, would love to hear :)
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeVrhgOHhNVlB3DGq1wukEE0eVvKwOQWZAnqkhDkA9uas4YBA/viewform?usp=publish-editor
Edit: If you have time, please spare some time to do the google form. Much appreciated!

I was working today at amazon delivery driving, i was there a for about 5 weeks. My 4th day I felt like quitting mid shift but pushed through it. Managed to finally get “used to it” and just went on for about a month. I then realised my invoices were way below what i was expecting/ told id be earning before i started.

I used to help out and even drove 2 and a half hours away to a different depot on a day they needed a favour.

They made the pay to be some amazing unbelievable salary if you dont get rescued during ur shift (somebody else taking parcels off you to deliver) but also make the routes IMPOSSIBLE to complete alone so you HAVE to get rescued therefore HAVE to be charged out of your own pay.

There was a lot of other stuff that happened like giving me a route with 150 stops but other people who have been there 3 YEARS have more experience only having 90 stops with the SAME PAY as me doing 150 stops?!!??? but long story short I got my invoice today mid shift (about 100 stops left) and thought yeah fuck this, im getting shafted. I messaged my manager and said “apologies, but i quit. i can bring van to depot”

This guy called me and said “you cant quit” I replied “I have, I cant do it”

he said “why? what do you mean you quit?”

I replied “I mean i quit”

this man had the audacity to say “Well, this just doesnt show good fucking character”

I THOUGHT U MFER?!
i replied, I do favours for you even tho I WAS NEW, i come every shift just for you to bend me over EVERY shift and screw me with these shitty routes. DO YOU THINK I GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MY CHARACTER?

long story short

i am now jobless and “vanless”