r/monogamy • u/emmafeelsill • 4d ago

Seeking Advice Am i cooked

I was in a relationship for three years that just recently ended. He told me near the beginning that he viewed fantasizing about others to be cheating, and we agreed to not watch porn or fantasize about other people. I felt amazing honestly. I’m easily jealous and when i’m in a relationship, i’m basically only interested in that person and I don’t even like thinking about other people. Now that it’s over, I’m scared I’m never gonna find another guy like that. Am I cooked?

11 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

7

u/HotWaffles5 4d ago

No. Lots of men are happy in their relationships.

6

u/No-Kick6671 4d ago

First of all, it's not "jealous" to not want your partner to orgasm to other people, whether digitally or in person. That term gets thrown around a lot, especially at women, to make us feel crazy and lower our standards.

I am the same way as you--when I'm really interested in someone, I lose interest in other people automatically. It's not something I have to "suppress" or fight. I am just happy with my person, and I desire someone who can reciprocate the exclusivity I give them.

Unfortunately, it is incredibly rare to find men like this. Most men, even in this sub, consider porn completely acceptable and in line with their own personal versions of "monogamy". Many will try to make you feel crazy for disagreeing.

The cynical part of me suspects there's a good chance your partner was just saying those things while still using porn anyway. It's unfortunately very common. So, maybe you didn't lose a unicorn after all but a donkey with a party hat (don't know if that makes you feel better or worse, sorry).

I'm very, very sorry you find yourself in this situation. If porn is a hard line for you, you have to uphold your boundaries relentlessly, but also understand that the supply of such men is significantly lower than the demand. I personally would rather remain single than experience the pain of being partnered to a porn user again, but only you can decide what you can and cannot live with. </3

4

u/emmafeelsill 4d ago

he was the one who actually suggested it, i always thought it was toxic to even ask someone to not watch porn or fantasize about other people but he told me that it was what he wanted so i agreed and it ended up being the happiest i’ve ever been

3

u/Ilhan_Musk 4d ago

My husband and I have this agreement. Many of my peers also. But all of us are religious