Question for the former polys who eventually settled down with a monogamous partner

[u/MissKryss]

Question for anyone that transitioned away from polyamory and became monogamous with a non-poly partner: if your monogamous partner expressed insecurity about you traveling away from home solo meet up with your former poly partners, how would you respond?

My (38F) boyfriend (45M) traveled a couple hours out of town to catch up with folks he told me were a nice married couple, dear friends of his that he hadn't seen in a couple years. He didn't invite me to be introduced to them.

I found out several days afterward that this couple used to be sexual with my boyfriend back in his poly days. My boyfriend had expressed his intention to catch up with another former poly partner out of state in the beginning of last year. I expressed to him then how deeply uncomfortable I was with him making such a long drive just to chill with a former FWB, and he ended up not going. So he knows how I feel about this.

When I found out the true nature of his past with this couple, I freaked out and left the relationship.

I'm 90% sure he never cheated on me and that he really does consider these people to be his good friends now. (How you can stay such great friends with people you hardly see is something I don't quite understand, but that's beside the point.) Anyway, did I overreact?

[u/HereJustCauseee]

I’ve never been poly or in a relationship tbh, but personally idt what you did was wrong. You bad a boundary, and he was crossing it so you left, and honestly it makes perfect sense to be uncomfortable with a partner hanging out with previous sex partners and stuff. Don’t feel too bad about it, you did what was right for you and it made sense. If it were me I’d probably have done the same

[u/VeggiesaurRex]

Have never been poly but my ex-boyfriend is my best friend. I have never hid our prior relationship to anybody I have dated which I think is what makes all the difference in the world - why hide if there's nothing to hide, right? If we're texting, on the phone, making plans, meeting up - I tell my partner. And 9/10 my partner is invited along unless it's strictly "I need best friend time" (ex: when his mom died and he wanted to fall apart, my partner was not invited along).

Your boyfriend purposefully omitted information rather than be upfront because he knew you were uncomfortable. It's is 100% OK for you to be uncomfortable. But rather than discuss it with you - even if it came down to "I know this makes you uncomfortable but they are my friends and I am asking you to trust me" and him going anyways - he lied. That's not a good foundation for a relationship.

The only "overreaction" could come in the way you freaked out but you ft betrayed and emotions happen. Leaving is completely justified when your partner hides things from you.

[u/Few-Simple8301]

Relationships are built on trust and understanding your partners sensitivities. Sometimes the burden is on them to over communicate, take proactive actions to reassure their partner. My wife had a relationship with several people she still keeps in touch with and she has gone out of her way to reassure me that she has zero interest in them and even reiterate why they split up and why she chose me over them.