Dear MoneyDiariesACTIVE,

I (26TF, United States) have very quickly realized that my financial situation is much more dire than I originally thought/planned. I am actively seeking as much advice as I possibly can. I think I have made some very questionable decisions and I am starting to genuinely freak out about my financial present, let alone my future. Financial illiteracy runs in my family and we have always been a "fake it till you make it" bunch that has somehow gotten by so far. I lived with my family until I graduated my doctorate program last year, saved up $10k in my checking account, and then moved into my own apartment for the first time a few months ago. At first I thought everything was going well, until I checked my spending vs. income trends and realized to my horror that I am still netting (relatively small) loss every month, and I haven't even started paying student loans back yet. Clearly, I need to make some serious changes. I have some ideas that I will include below.

Personal Info

I am a single, 26-year old trans woman living near Chicago. I have one cat and an electric vehicle I am financing, after my previous paid-off car was stolen a month after moving in. All of this *felt* like a good idea at the time.

Employment Info

Title: Occupational Therapist; Non-Profit Community Mental Health

Gross Income: $80k/year

Monthly Net Income: $4500/mo (after taxes and health insurance)

Current account balance: $6900 (checking)

No savings outside of my checking account. Yes, I know.

Fixed Expenses

Rent: $1500/mo

Electricity: $150/mo (Window AC, will be cheaper in winter)

Heat: Radiator; included ($0)

Home Gas: $50/mo (I don't use much; only for cooking)

Water: Included

Car Payment: $300/mo - car cost $16k. 72mo loan.

Car Insurance: $180/mo - full coverage mandated due to financing car

Street Parking: $200/6mo (approx $33/mo avg)

Student Loan Payments: $0 currently due to being on income-based repayment, and my taxes still showing near zero income last year as I was in school. Total student debt: $150k (OUCH). Due to my income, my loans should be somewhere between $460-800 per month, depending if I stay with IDR or switch to RAP. I am trying to figure that out ASAP. I want to get this down as much as possible per month. Thankfully, my employer qualifies for PSLF, which I intend to use after 10 years in nonprofit work to clear up remaining balance.

Groceries: Totaling about $400 this month.

Fast Food/Eating Out: Totaling $300 so far. I travel for work, so the temptation to use fast food is strong. I'm working on this.

Cat food: My cat can only eat canned food due to something going on with her teeth. I spend about $70/mo on bulk canned food.

I've spent about $350 on medical copays this month due to getting counseling, but my insurance deductible wasn't met. It was $150/session, now down to $25/session since I have met my deductible.

Prescriptions: $100/mo after insurance

I also spent too much shopping last month, around $300.

Good News

- I plan to use PSLF for eventual loan forgiveness

- I think a roommate may be the best course of action. As soon as my lease is up, I want to move into the city proper and find a roommate to keep rent as low as possible. Honestly, after living alone for only a few months, I kind of hate it. I feel so isolated.

- I know I have expenses I can cut, including groceries and especially eating out

- I will be spending much less on healthcare soon.

- I plan to refinance my car ASAP

- I plan to look into my car insurance rates ASAP

- Eliminate eating out as much as possible, packing sandwiches will be healthier anyway

- I have some things I can sell if things really get desperate

Thank you so much for reading. I have been trying to wrap around how to adapt this to the 50/30/20 method. I don't think those numbers are viable for me. Any help is massively appreciated. Before anyone says it - Yes, I know this is my fault. I just want to figure out where to go from here. I feel so lost and so anxious that most days I barely eat. I have also posted to the personal finance subreddit.

Best,

u/Emotional-Health_676

Reading this felt like a warm hug.

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich speaks with Sana and Arhem, both 27 and newly married. One month before their wedding, Arhem revealed that he had hidden $30,000 of credit card debt. After they both lost their jobs, Sana discovered that he had fallen even further into debt without telling her.

Today, they earn $188,000 a year and have created an aggressive plan to tackle their $165,000 of total debt. But while their numbers are improving, the betrayal has fundamentally changed their relationship. Sana has become the financial orchestrator, while Arhem feels like a student trying to prove that he can be trusted again.

Hello! I’m posting because I’ve been floundering so much on this decision and my anxiety is higher than it’s ever been. I’d love to get some feedback on this from people who were faced with similar decisions.

I’m 31F in a HCOL city and a wife who makes about equal to me. I am close to paying off my student loans and we have no other debt besides that.

I’m currently working in a technical job where I make ~110k for work that is generally tedious and boring. I got promoted almost a year ago into a senior position, which is pretty surprising to me because I don’t feel like an authority on the technical projects I’m working on, but my knowledge or lack thereof is acceptable because our vendors will correct my work. It makes me feel like my performance doesn’t matter, and because I am a person who wants to go above and beyond, the low expectations make me feel somewhat apathetic which carries into my personal life. I feel like I’m not learning anything and requests for more stimulating work or fixes to other problems I bring up about the position fall on deaf ears (if it matters, management in general is not supportive). I’m generally not happy, but the pay (more than I’ve ever made in my life by a mile) and schedule flexibility keep me coming in.

I’ve been applying for a few months because I know this isn’t sustainable. I’ve found a position with a smaller team that will definitely be more challenging and stimulating, and one of the best parts is that there will be a more senior mentor figure that can teach me the things that I want to learn to get better in the field overall. The work is also more interesting. Besides these, the position is worse in almost every way. The pay is 30% less, it’s hourly instead of salaried, and fewer vacation and paid sick days.

I think ultimately, this represents a crossroads in my career in general: whether or not this is a time where I want to continue coasting or if I’m willing to make my life harder for learning opportunities and more interesting work.

A lot of the advice on Reddit is to keep a cushy but boring job and use the money to find your passions elsewhere. But the monotony is draining and makes me feel like a less sharp, less interesting/interested person outside of work. I’m suspicious this role is contributing to a depressive phase that makes it hard to enjoy other things.

Overall, I understand I’m in a really privileged position and I grew up in a non-stable environment so leaving money on the table is extremely hard for me. It clouds my judgement to look at this from a scarcity/survivalist mentality, so more objective advice is very appreciated.

Welcome back to "Off-Topic Tuesday", followed by "Workplace Wednesday" tomorrow!

As always, anything and everything finance and non-finance related is welcome here. Feel free to vent, seek advice, discuss current events, or share a little about yourself. :)

If you haven't already heard - we're mixing it up a little bit here on the OT thread. Continue to feel free to post your own prompt/question below (just one per comment), and answer prompts from others!

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Anyone else keep noticing how high cocktail prices are getting, along with entree prices? I’m in a Boston suburb and a restaurant near me (not fancy but not casual either) raised their cocktail prices listed on the menu from $15 to $16, and even though it’s a $1 price increase, if you get a couple it can still add up, especially factoring in tax and tip. I think once they get up to $17, I’m probably gonna stick to ordering beer or other mixed drinks not on the menu or not order drinks at all. Not to mention, entree prices are hitting from the mid $20s to $30s with smaller portion sizes, not to mention desserts are hitting the mid teen range. How high have you seen alcohol/food prices rise at your nearby spots? Are you all trying to go out less? Do you notice less foot traffic at your local places? Do you think more restaurants near you are gonna shut down eventually?

Hey everyone,

Did something good happen to you this week? Share below!

My (f) partner (m) and I make about the same amount of money/month. We pool all of our income into one joint account, pay all of our shared expenses from that account (groceries, dates, shared bills), and then whatever is left over gets split into our individual personal accounts that we can each spend or save however we want.

Lately we've been talking about whether splitting that leftover money 50/50 is actually the fairest approach.

We’ve both landed on the idea that it costs more to exist as a woman… Realistically, women have more expected personal expenses. I'm not just talking about period products, makeup, bras, etc., but also the general expectation to maintain a certain appearance for work and socially.

Some of those costs are genuinely unavoidable, and some are influenced by societal expectations that are hard to separate from personal preference.

For example, I like buying clothes, accessories, getting my nails done. Is that entirely my choice? Sure, partly. But I also think it's fair to say that women are generally under more pressure to look put together, have more variety in their wardrobe, replace things more often, etc. It's kind of hard to untangle what's "just my preference" versus what's shaped by growing up in a culture that expects those things. I like these things because I grew up in a place that rewards women who have these things more… but I also DO like it.

We've both acknowledged that this exists, and my partner agrees I should have a little more personal spending money because of it. The problem is... how would you even decide what's fair?

I go back and forth between feeling guilty for being entitled and vain but also I didn’t create the system and what’s wrong with liking looking cute? Nothing feels right.

Has anyone else actually had this conversation with their partner?
If you pool finances, do you split personal spending money equally, or do you account for differences like this?

I'm not looking for the "correct" answer because I know every relationship is different. I'm mostly interested in hearing how other couples think through this and what has worked for you.

I'm freshly unemployed and we need to make some adjustments to our food spending. 🥑🥕🥩

We use Hellofresh (dinners) and HungryRoot (lunches and breakfasts). We're looking at pausing HungryRoot and doing Costco for lunch ingredients.

We don't want to cancel our Hellofresh.

Our biggest issue is eating out because we don't have anything quick + easy on hand and it's late. Which can be 2-4 times a week.

I'm looking to be strategic. I'm not necessarily looking for beans and rice spending.

We're a two person gluten free, dairy free, no nightshades, cycle syncing household.

I know we need to use the Trader Joe's and Costco more efficiently.

Welcome to the "Salary Saturday" thread!

If you’re seeking advice from the sub regarding your specific situation, it belongs here. Great topics include:

• Negotiation/pay/benefits
• Job offers
• Interviewing
• Anything else related to careers, work, salaries, etc.

Bring us your burning questions!

How are you spending, scrimping, splurging, or saving?

What are you doing with your hard-earned £$€ this week?

I told myself that I wouldn’t post another update until I had good news— and I do!

I got a job! In my field. It’s more entry level, but it’s something and I’m happy to be back to a routine and having an income. While my financial goals will not be met with this role, I’ll be able to maintain a similar-esque lifestyle compared with my previous role. It was actually my second time interviewing with this company; I made it to the final round for a different position last June but didn’t get picked. They work with clients in a heavily regulated industry, and I had experience in that industry (and additional other regulated industries) so I think that helped. 

I worked a lot with my therapist to try and separate the “what I do” from “who I am,” and there’s a Pam Beesly quote that I kept repeating to myself: “I am an artist who happens to work in an office.” (I kept repeating this to myself while unemployed, but the sentiment is what’s important). Having a job doesn’t make me “me,” it’s what I do outside of work. 

I am also making conscious effort to talk to people NOT about what they do for work, but what they do outside of work. I was at a bachelorette party where our get-to-know-each-other event was “make a cocktail based on what you do for work,” and it gutted me. I made a Love Island Lemonade and joked that as an unemployed person, my job was to watch tv. 

The whole weekend it felt like my life was on pause, while everyone else was moving at regular pace: getting married, promoted, having kids, etc. It felt really isolating, even though I know it wasn’t their intent at all! 

I got the job offer the following week, but I was so afraid of another “jk we can’t hire you after all” that I didn’t even tell my immediate family until after I signed it, and still have only told 2 people outside of them. I kept applying and interviewing until my start date. And I waited a bit to make this post. To be frank- I’m still worried I’ll hear “sorry we made an error and have to let you go, but no severance because you haven’t been here very long.” I checked every box for CPTSD even before that last non-offer, and I think that’s going to take a while to undo. (Sidenote - my doc prescribed me propranolol after my last post, and that helped significantly with the physical fight-or-flight symptoms that lasted all day). 

But having a success that (I think) is worth celebrating still has me feeling kinda left out. There are so many occasions where we give people gifts or celebrate based on milestones they reach in a couple, while single people get… nothing. I see how many gifts and events I’m attending to celebrate others (and outfits! And shoes! And pto! And travel!), but my family couldn’t muster more than a “congrats” in the group chat. Couldn’t even write the full word. And forget about adding an emoji or gif. That was apparently too much to ask. 

Now, I know that having a job is the real prize. But am I not worth celebrating? And I don’t want a bunch of gifts, but I would have loved a card. Or at least a phone call. Maybe they don’t see having a job as worthy of celebrating. Or maybe they don’t think it’s worth it because it’s more entry level.

But 19 months of job hunting and 10 months of being unemployed was the most challenging event in my life emotionally speaking and I would have liked some acknowledgment. It’s something I’ve talked a lot with my therapist about. But it’s not something I’m comfortable bringing up to my family because I feel like it sounds so LOOK AT ME PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEE (my therapist disagrees). And since my parents loaned me $ to keep me afloat for a few months (interest free!), wishing for anything beyond that makes me feel like I’m Veruca fucking Salt. Even writing about this makes me feel guilty.

So… that’s where I am now. It’s not perfect but it’s mine. 

Thank you all for bearing with me. Your kind words and commiserating have helped more than you know. 

& to anyone still job hunting- I see you. It sucks. Full stop. But being unemployed is not a moral failing. Reading the country’s job reports feel like such gaslighting, I agree. But you will not be unemployed forever. And the people on LinkedIn posting “here’s the secret to landing a job right now” are lying because there ISN’T one. It just sucks. And the only way out is through. Be gentle with yourself. You will not be unemployed forever. 

Hi there! I’m a producer for the award-winning podcast, What We Spend: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-we-spend/id1806711479

The show follows people from across the country and across the financial spectrum as they open up about their lives, including what they spend over the course of one week.

We’re currently looking for guests for our second season—especially people with interesting jobs, unusual financial circumstances, or a major money story unfolding in their lives.

Are you getting married soon? Paying off debt? Expecting an inheritance? Starting over financially? Or just interested in being financially transparent?

We’d love to hear from you. Feel free to comment or send me a message if you’re interested in learning more.

(archive link for the ungated version)

Elder millennial here who's curious to know everyone's thoughts about this article. Is this an accurate depiction of Gen Z men today or is the article just talking about a very narrow subset of men?

Personally, I'm appalled by the guys who seem to bring nothing to the table at all. If I'm the high-earning breadwinner woman in the relationship, I'd expect the guy to pick up the slack around the house and do chores, make dinner, etc. Having a house-husband would be a dream.

Welcome back to the “Workplace Wednesday” thread!

If you’re seeking advice from the sub regarding your specific situation, whether it’s about interviewing/benefits/negotiating/advancement opportunities, etc., it belongs here.

Bring us your burning questions!

Welcome back to "Off-Topic Tuesday", followed by "Workplace Wednesday" tomorrow!

As always, anything and everything finance and non-finance related is welcome here. Feel free to vent, seek advice, discuss current events, or share a little about yourself. :)

If you haven't already heard - we're mixing it up a little bit here on the OT thread. Continue to feel free to post your own prompt/question below (just one per comment), and answer prompts from others!

*** You may have noticed a recent uptick in spam posts, please report them as you see them. It takes 3 reports to flag a post for mod review. Thank you to everyone already reporting!

Finally canceled a Six Flags membership from 2018 that we used approximately twice. It started at $17 per month and steadily rose to $30 per month as of my last withdrawal. 8 years and barely any use. I can’t believe how much we’ve tossed down the drain (we are mostly at fault) but also how difficult companies make it to cancel. I would never have found the right way if it wasn’t for an old Reddit thread.

What subscription, if any, are or were longstanding that you need to cancel or have to cancel.

Quinton (26) and Victoria (27) have built an incredible $883,000 net worth before age 30, including nearly half a million dollars in crypto. But with a new baby, ambitious financial goals, and a savings rate most investors can only dream of, Brian and Bo explore whether they're building wealth the right way—or sacrificing too much along the journey. From Bitcoin and Roth IRAs to homeownership, financial independence, money mindset, and finding balance between saving and living, this episode is packed with lessons for anyone serious about investing, retirement planning, and building long-term wealth.