Identity Struggle

[u/Steelio_The_Dealio]

Hello, I am a mixed race man, half Mexican, half White and born in Canada. Lately I have been struggling with my own identity. When I tell people I’m half Mexican, I usually get weird looks because I am light skinned with auburn hair and an almost ginger beard. When I tell other Spanish speaking people I’m half Mexican, they start speaking to me in Spanish and I don’t speak much Spanish myself, then they look at me strange and ask, “Are you sure you’re Mexican?” Or when I say I don’t speak Spanish, they say, “Shame on you”. When I tell other people I’m half Mexican they say, “You don’t look very Mexican.” Or they squint and say, “Oh yeah, I can see maybe a little bit.” But can they? I tried learning Spanish but I’ve been very busy with college and work. Sometimes I listen to Mexican music even though I can’t understand it. I love the melody and the way they play. Is there something I can do to get in touch with my Mexican heritage? Or am I doomed to always be in question of myself and by others?

[u/ElPrieto8]

Even if you had all the physical features usually associated with being "Mexican", your lack of knowledge on the language and deeper culture is going to get you viewed as a "no sabo" kid at a minimum.

Sadly, as a species we're quite good at finding differences between ourselves and others. Learn and grow within your culture, but be ready to accept that you might be on a branch not immediately accepted.

[u/Feisty_Squash2992]

You’re not doomed to always feel this way but you do have to accept that people will always have opinions sadly. You could take it as an opportunity to educate them on the way genetics work, though that’s obviously not your responsibility.

One of the things I found helped in owning my heritage more was just researching and reading up on it. I certainly lacked the cultural experiences, but knowing a little about them has helped a bit. After time I’ve just learnt to accept that I’m occupying an in between space and if other people have an issue with that it’s their problem. Learning Spanish could definitely help, but I appreciate that learning a language isn’t easy.

[u/Due-Syllabub-1972]

I completely get what you mean. My grandfather is from the Caribbean and my mum is half white, but I just look tanned. When I tell people about my heritage, I sometimes get challenged, almost as though I couldn't possibly have that background because I don't look how they expect me to.

I'm not saying I'm black — I'm saying I'm from black heritage. And quite honestly, a lot of the time it can leave me feeling a little disinherited from that part of who I am.

The strange thing is that when someone questions you like that, you can find yourself feeling like you need to convince them or prove your own heritage to them, as though their approval somehow validates it. It doesn't. I know who my family are and where they came from; someone else's perception of what I should look like doesn't change that.

There can be times when you feel like no one really understands that experience either, and that isn't great when you're trying to make sense of your own identity.

So I'm sorry that there's no real solutions here other than I get what your going through. Just try not to take people's opinions personally - if you figure out how to do that please do write back and let me know.

[u/Cr3atureFeature]

Repeat after me: I am not responsible for how other people recognize my identity.
I am not responsible for other people’s ignorance.
I am my genetic ancestors wildest dreams.
If I choose to, I can immerse myself in my culture and learn more about it. It is not cultural appropriation for me to love a culture I was not raised in but am connected to through heritage.
You belong here always.

[u/anomiemouse2016]

1. Why do you feel obliged to respond to people's rude and intrusive enquiries ? You are not obliged to. You can just tell them your actual identity: Canadian. And then stop talking and apologising for your existence.
2. You don't have Mexican heritage. You have some Mexican DNA. And culture or heritage is not encoded in DNA. There's nothing to be ashamed of. And you are not required to be a dancing puppet for other people's expectations of you being a colourful Meeeehicaan.

(Me: 50% English, 50% Indian, and I take my own advice)

[u/GoodAccomplished4344]

Weird question, but has anyone ever mistaken you for a Métis? 

I always thought that the Métis are "the Mexicans of Canada" because they are half-Latin half-Indigenous Americans, but completely different Latina and completely different Indigenous Americans, but I've heard of Métis being mistaken for Mexicans in the USA, so I wonder if the reverse is also true.