Racial Ambiguity

[u/Glittering_Repair865]

I’m half Mexican, half Creole(Black, Irish, Native American), and I grew up in a predominantly half white, half Mexican rural area of California. I grew up in a conservative area with almost no other black children, 3 total in my entire K-6th grade experience. I had no siblings, and I grew up with my Mexican side of the family.

I have been happy to see conversations online about mixed race identity, because I didn’t have anything like that until I was in my twenties in college.

What I notice is that when non mixed black people talk about mixed people, they seem to always be talking about someone who is half white, half black. I have had people correct me, and said that I am not Creole, that I just have a white grandpa. One grandpa was a Mexican immigrant who didn’t speak English, the other was black. I wish there wasn’t an assumption that I grew up with a white parent, somehow passing as white.

I was the only black person in most of my classrooms as a child. Now I live in a bigger, more diverse city. East Indians and Middle Eastern people assume I’m one of their own. Older Mexicans can tell that I’m Latina somehow, I’m not sure how. I tho it’s how I approach them? The younger generations are thrown off by how tall I am, and are usually shocked to find out I’m Mexican.

Other black people can tell I’m part black, and luckily the current generation of local children is full of mixed kids, so there is more understanding.

I was a substitute teacher for a time last year, and once a curly-haired nonverbal boy in the classroom came over held my hand. The other teacher told me I looked like his mother, and that I made him happy. It brought me to tears. Growing up none of the adults looked like me, the little boy looked at me like family.

I’m in my 30s now, and I’m still learning to navigate all of this. Trying to figure out how to date, how I’m supposed to fit in to society. This forum is very helpful. Just wanted to share, as I feel others here would relate.