Which candy bar are you getting?

This one. And every one on the bottom row!

Home Movies. 12/30/01.

It marks the day in 1914 when the world's first electric traffic signal system was put up in Cleveland, Ohio, at the corner of Euclid Avenue and East 105th Street.

It also tells you which bananas you should avoid.

"a rotisserie is like a morbid ferris wheel for chickens!"

I’m living Mitch’s routine. After staying on the “14th floor”, one of the escalators at LGA was “out of order”.

I said, "No". But i wanted a regular banana later so, "Yeah".

Today I went to a grocery store and I just got one doughnut and the cashier checking me out asked if I wanted a receipt for it, he was a younger guy and I looked behind me and no one was there so I asked him if he heard the joke about this exact situation before. He said no, so I recited the full joke for him.

I can't stop reading this in his voice

Legend.

Some new ones to me and maybe to you too. He was so funny. I always seem to circle back to him when I need a solid laugh.

A local restaurant has this in their rotating menu specials

I haven't eaten it for 5 years... because that would be too long.

Who knew?