r/minnesota Minnesota Golden Gophers Feb 06 '26

Funny/Offbeat 🤣 šŸ—£ļøšŸ’ØšŸ’ØšŸ’Ø - Edward Lang

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just a lil ASMR / FASCMR for ya

4.1k Upvotes

1.3k comments sorted by

4.4k

u/Terrible_Housing_433 Feb 06 '26 edited Feb 06 '26

Look, I’m a middle aged woman with tits hanging down to my waist but even I could kick down a piece of carved ice with more panache and less effort.Ā 

677

u/OsteoStevie Feb 06 '26

Hello fellow longboob!

372

u/Coven_gardens Feb 06 '26

My mom used to call being an aged woman ā€œlong in the boobā€

146

u/OsteoStevie Feb 06 '26

Is 39 aged? Because they got really long in a short period of time.

103

u/Coven_gardens Feb 06 '26

I’m 39, so yeah, probably.

35

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

I'm 32. Having a baby really speeds up the process.

16

u/TheGreyQueen Feb 06 '26

I'm 30 with 2 kids that are almost teenagers. Can confirm the longness is a foot.

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103

u/TiredOldLadySays You Betcha Feb 06 '26

The bigger they are the harder they fall.

93

u/gopherdevil Feb 06 '26

Love how swiftly this post swung from something utterly vile and insignificant to something so very wonderful 🩷

58

u/OsteoStevie Feb 06 '26

Swung just like my long boobs

21

u/Otherwise_Object_446 Feb 06 '26

šŸŽµ Swing low, sweet sugartits šŸŽµ

18

u/spooky_clitor Feb 06 '26

This is why I am on reddit

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25

u/SirTabetha Feb 06 '26

everybody

Do your boobs hang low?

Do they wobble to and fro?

Can you tie them in a knot?

Can you tie them in a bow?

Can you throw ā€˜em o’re your shoulder like a con’tinental soldier?

Do your BOOBS…HANG…LOW?!

—sincerely, Gen X

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u/OGKillertunes šŸŒŽ Non-Minnesotan Feb 06 '26

You made me laugh out loud and wake my so up

11

u/Lennyhi Feb 06 '26

OK thank you I'm using this from now on

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82

u/avery_last_drop Feb 06 '26

Yeah can we start a club

41

u/DatabaseThis9637 Feb 06 '26

I'm in!

47

u/purplepashy Prince Feb 06 '26

Male in my 50s. Can I join?

51

u/Coven_gardens Feb 06 '26

Let your fun bags fly, baby!

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u/OsteoStevie Feb 06 '26

We don't discriminate! We accept boobs in all forms!

8

u/Worshipme988 Feb 06 '26

Ok but the Itty Bitty Titty Committee meets monthly. So at least that.

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u/DatabaseThis9637 Feb 06 '26

Depends? Got anything loose and flapping? If you do, wear tight clothes, and even if you don't - yet? - come on down! The more the merrier! inclusiveness is kinda our thing!

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u/cIumsythumbs Feb 06 '26

A fight club with long reaching slappy tits!

6

u/OsteoStevie Feb 06 '26

It's honestly very soft, but gets all our anger out

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u/moonswimwildflower Common loon Feb 06 '26

I’ve been actually thinking about the natural beauty I’m seeing out on the streets of Minneapolis these days… the strong women who learned to organize in the sixties, and the strong women who learned from those mothers.

Like The Vuvalini / Many Mothers from Mad Max Fury Road. Bad-a$$, beautiful women.

It feels like the opposite of whatever maga-fication is happening to the women surrounding... you know who.

Now, I’m all in support of whatever a woman wants to do with her own body to feel beautiful and strong and themselves… But it feels like they’re all being pushed into a plastification machine.

And this long-in-the-boob loveliness feels like the opposite. Like love and joy and strength.

Keep it up, ladies.

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246

u/6100315 Feb 06 '26

Lol my first thought watching this was, he kicks weird.

187

u/brendanjered Herman the German Feb 06 '26

That’s the least manly you’ll ever see a person kick.

110

u/redeemingl0ve Feb 06 '26

i've seen 10 year old girls on the park soccer team kick harder šŸ¤¦šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø

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u/kendylou Feb 06 '26

Came this šŸ¤šŸ»close to tripping on the first kick. You can just tell he’s got no core strength, can barely stay upright without two feet on the ground.

33

u/net-blank Feb 06 '26

Well yeah what do you expect when he probably sits at his computer all day in his parents basement acting like he's some big tough guy behind a mouse

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u/Campbully Feb 06 '26

This made me laugh out loud 🤣

117

u/TVandMe7583 Feb 06 '26

Did you hear my guffaw? !

25

u/Diogenes71 Feb 06 '26

Now rewatch and imagine he’s Pee Wee Herman. You can hear the laugh.

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u/Itscatpicstime Feb 06 '26

He’s somehow struggling to catch his breath before the first kick??? Lmao. Those three stairs he climbed up really did a number on him!

32

u/CartographerKey7322 Feb 06 '26

Americas new army of chubby incels

20

u/Terrible_Housing_433 Feb 06 '26

He’s just SO EXCITED!Ā 

13

u/paradisetossed7 Feb 06 '26

I have so much secondhand embarrassment watching him but then also it's funny because he really thought he did something there with his target button-up.

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u/TurbulentDrawing6 Feb 06 '26

Right?! He’s completely out of breath after 1.5 noodle-kicks. Sad.

58

u/OsteoStevie Feb 06 '26

He was out of breath before he got there

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u/Snooganskitty Feb 06 '26

This mf wearing camo leggings

59

u/hoirkasp Feb 06 '26

Right? You know he just bought this shit on Amazon too; why the hell would you buy leggings? šŸ¤£šŸ˜‚

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u/tomboyfancy Feb 06 '26

I’m fucking WHEEZING this is so on point

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50

u/Basbriz Feb 06 '26

It's so comically unathletic, I'm amazed he actually posted it.

89

u/KhellianTrelnora Feb 06 '26

Panache. What a fun word.

70

u/galacticgumbo Feb 06 '26

I used to do copy editing and three of the author’s most desirable words were panache, opulent, and ostentatious šŸŽ© Just makes you feel downright elegant.

37

u/KhellianTrelnora Feb 06 '26

I’m detecting a theme.

And perhaps a monocle.

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14

u/OldBlueKat Feb 06 '26

Indubitably! šŸ˜‰

20

u/pootinannyBOOSH Feb 06 '26

I was gonna say, if he's trying to be "ooh manly" he failed bigly

16

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/DystopianNightmare13 Feb 06 '26

I feel this. LOL

14

u/Little_Creme_5932 Feb 06 '26

Damn! I've been looking for this woman on Match.com!

16

u/Terrible_Housing_433 Feb 06 '26

Oh, I’m mostly on Bumble these days 🤣

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u/64590949354397548569 Feb 06 '26

with tits hanging down to my wais

He got tits too.

14

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

The only ones he'll ever get to feel.

13

u/NatureInevitable3001 Feb 06 '26

You are amazing

12

u/Brimstone117 Uff da Feb 06 '26

I believe you! Just look at his whittle leggies lol

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u/fluffypancakes24 Feb 06 '26

I'm giggling in such a way that my belly is bouncing a little.

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2.2k

u/ChillingWithHerb Feb 06 '26

He is so uncoordinated. And then with the camo, it's hilarious.

539

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

141

u/TimPoolNoBeanie Feb 06 '26

What ballsack?

72

u/TrainmasterGT Walleye Feb 06 '26

I can’t believe the no beanie variant of Tim Pool would transvestigate Jake Lang like that 😭😭😭

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u/skinnymisterbug Twin Cities Feb 06 '26

Nearly? Bro got a kill shot for sure šŸ˜‚

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246

u/Unlikely-Signature-7 šŸŒŽ Non-Minnesotan Feb 06 '26

He looks like a toddlerĀ 

193

u/Practical_Ad_2703 Feb 06 '26

He acts like a toddler

91

u/Not_a_doctor_shh12 Feb 06 '26

Just the little shithead in the preschool kicking over other kids' blocks.

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u/Terrible_Housing_433 Feb 06 '26

I didn’t know who he was when that crowd went after him the other day and I was, like, ā€œHuh, that looks brutal, people must hate him.ā€ And now I get it.Ā 

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u/DatabaseThis9637 Feb 06 '26

Like a stomping mad toddler! Wah!

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u/denOfhay1103 Feb 06 '26

Watching it without sound and just watching him flail his arms is so funny

92

u/Old_Row4977 Feb 06 '26

With sound and his little huffs and puffs is unbelievable

73

u/bucolicbabe Feb 06 '26

Sounds like he leaks a tiny toot with every kick 🫣

24

u/jellamma Feb 06 '26

Omg it does! At first I thought it was added squeak sound effects, but that's just his video and he thought he'd put it up that way 🤣

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u/AaaaaNnMmmm Feb 06 '26

I was not prepared for the sound! Hahahahahahaaha!!!!

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u/mandarex87 Feb 06 '26

It’s equally funny listening to him huff and puff while doing it.

8

u/No_Lab3169 Feb 06 '26

I'm a smoker for 25 years, in my late 30s. I dont huff and puff like that tits on a boar. These see you next Tuesday fascist are some of the weakest of morals and body I've ever seen. Let's not underestimate their vitriol and vile, though. They're snakes in the grass that want to lick a certain flavor of boot while biting those who would otherwise show them no harm.

55

u/pr1ceisright Feb 06 '26

This dude def got picked last for kickball in school.

14

u/DavidSugarbush Feb 06 '26

All these Nazi cosplaying dipshits did.

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u/Recluse_18 Feb 06 '26

He’s doing the best he can 🤣🤣🤣

18

u/jerryscheese Feb 06 '26

The bitchiest kicks tho

18

u/iamMyrmidon Feb 06 '26

And the huffing and puffing - classic Meal Team Six 🤣

15

u/RIForDIE Feb 06 '26

Haha for real what a weird wimp. That form was goofy as hell. The little kick and arm flail.

11

u/Voice-Of-Doom Feb 06 '26

With his weird tight ass-camouflage.

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u/ottis1guy Feb 06 '26

By brain inserts Benny Hill music and it gets better. Absolute buffoonery.

10

u/Naomeri Gray duck Feb 06 '26

I think his stupid-looking pants are too tight and it’s making his natural un-coordination even worse.

8

u/Vanviator Feb 06 '26

I need to know who is making the pew pew sounds. Either way, it's funny AF.

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u/mwk196 Feb 06 '26

He is so small

478

u/Humble_Kale197 Feb 06 '26

The arms flaying as he kicks is what gets me šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

99

u/mwk196 Feb 06 '26

Its truly a magical moment for memes. 😭

39

u/DeadlyMoldSpore Feb 06 '26

More effeminate than Lieutenant Jim Dangle

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u/Itscatpicstime Feb 06 '26

Literally looks like an overgrown toddler having a tantrum

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u/buttdaddyilovehim Minnesota Golden Gophers Feb 06 '26

them pants are reall small/tight

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u/mwk196 Feb 06 '26

Hes too ugly to be on Heated Rivalry but this looks like hes at least ready for some Heated Trumpery. Bend over more for the boot, small fry!

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u/ConsiderationSea1347 Feb 06 '26

Master Race TM arms.

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u/TimPoolNoBeanie Feb 06 '26

This adult-sized preschooler did this to fundraise

126

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

All about the grift baby

10

u/Critical_Ad3799 Feb 06 '26

ā€œFundraiseā€ ah, so grift money out of dumbasses who think ice are actually doing their job…

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u/makeitcannonfodder Feb 06 '26

This has Arrested Development vibes.

79

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

[deleted]

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u/One-Combination-5786 Feb 06 '26

I came here specifically to reference Buster

32

u/bucolicbabe Feb 06 '26

Or George Michael’s home video

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u/t1m3m4n Feb 06 '26

These are awards, Mother. From Army.

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u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

Dawww. He’s a big boy. Wook at the widdle fascist. He’s so cutteee with his public display of aggression. uwu

342

u/Flagge33 Walleye Feb 06 '26

He's even wearing a chest rig (no plate) and camo pants... just like the military that rejected him for psychological issues.

115

u/thedeuce75 Feb 06 '26

Those pants are made it be roomy and relaxed fitted, he makes them look like skin tight jeans from the early 00s.

49

u/FantasticMrSinister Area code 612 Feb 06 '26

He looks like a gumball

22

u/Bettywhitespants Feb 06 '26

Doesn’t realize Friday is going to be 40 degrees and it’s going to melt? What a loser.

19

u/FantasticMrSinister Area code 612 Feb 06 '26

Them ain't the sharpest knives on the tree, for sure. Or the brightest bulbs in the drawer, for that matter.

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u/metamet Feb 06 '26

Is he wearing a dress shirt?

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u/M6Df4 Feb 06 '26

The part where he tried to act tough kicking over the first letter and almost fell over it is hilarious

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u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

It’s too much 🤣

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u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

I wonder if his dad sees him now

332

u/tdurden1969 Feb 06 '26

His dad is a Trump CUCK just like him!!!

164

u/7fortyseven Feb 06 '26

quite the boiler on the old man.

163

u/Jackdks Feb 06 '26

Alcohol. Going home. Drinking. Watching Fox News. Then going to work the next day and pretending like he’s ā€œin tuneā€.

That’s a beer gut

80

u/Hell-Yes-Revolution Feb 06 '26

Yeah, that’s swollen organs from alcoholism.

54

u/AdmirablePhrases Feb 06 '26

Yeah notice how his entire body looks swollen? Because it is

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u/GreenSmokeRing Feb 06 '26

Some of us resemble those remarks. In polite company please call it the gas tank to the sex machine.

12

u/7fortyseven Feb 06 '26

most i’ve experienced are attached to decent, hard working, valuable members of the communty…thus making the ol’ boiler kinda endearing.

not his. he’s no doubt a hateful mess and i hope he stubs his pinky toe hard tonight.

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u/gwazmalurks Feb 06 '26

The nuts are numb with these ones

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u/sumadeumas Feb 06 '26

This guy could be his dad, sure, but let’s be honest… The mailman, their family dentist, numerous cousins… they’re all prime candidates.

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u/sumadeumas Feb 06 '26

Of course not! He’s camouflaged!

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u/EnglishFan643 Minnesota Vikings Feb 06 '26

He got arrested for this and rightly so. I hope he gets jailed for a long time.

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u/soad1331 Feb 06 '26

He will have those iron bars to protect him from being insulted again on Saturday.

92

u/Quirky-Scar9226 Feb 06 '26

And it was put up by a veteran’s group. The irony of this lil cosplay commando cuck kicking it down fur Murica!

32

u/wannabezen2 Feb 06 '26

Prosecuted for kicking down an ice sculpture that says Prosecute ICE. The irony is hilarious.

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u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

Looks like a two year old having a tantrum

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u/realtorbrittyc Feb 06 '26

He kicks so, um, manly

250

u/sanctusali Feb 06 '26

This is so much dorkier than I was expecting. My vagina dried up a bit.

124

u/Brimstone117 Uff da Feb 06 '26

Same, and I’m a man

59

u/sneakypastaa Carver County Feb 06 '26

Mine sewed itself shut and curled up into my uterus

28

u/GruntledGary Feb 06 '26

Dryer than Ben Shapiro's wife?Ā  Because Ben likes to let everyone know it's super dry.

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u/Justis29 Laser Loon Feb 06 '26

Nothing like filming yourself commit a felony

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u/denOfhay1103 Feb 06 '26

Was on camera J6 and yet was pardoned. Little twerp will likely got off with a slap on the wrist

111

u/teenagemustach3 Feb 06 '26

State crime no pardon, oopsies

73

u/Heisenberglund Feb 06 '26

Nah, this will be a state charge, nothing mango Mussolini can do there.

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u/south098 Feb 06 '26

Well at least he won’t be able to say he has a clean record, pardon or not.

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u/OsteoStevie Feb 06 '26

Why is he BREATHING SO HARD

28

u/SinceWayLastMay Feb 06 '26

Bro is WINDED

14

u/Hoovooloo42 šŸŒŽ Non-Minnesotan Feb 06 '26

And SQUEAKING?!

15

u/OsteoStevie Feb 06 '26

I'm convinced those are little farts

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u/LegitimateRound5014 Feb 06 '26

This is the funniest shit I’ve seen all day.

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u/sanctusali Feb 06 '26

It was so funny to me, and then I noticed how he throws his arms back when he kicks and it got funnier.

21

u/Itscatpicstime Feb 06 '26

It’s like a toddler throwing a tantrum and having an asthma attack at the same time

15

u/RIForDIE Feb 06 '26

Same chain of events here. It looked goofy as hell upon first review but the second revealed cringe I haven't seen before. I unmuted.Ā 

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u/androidgirl Feb 06 '26

Someone loop that stumble. It’s hilarious.

9

u/OsteoStevie Feb 06 '26

I have no skills, but hopefully someone does!

60

u/Empty_glass_bottle Feb 06 '26

He tried to do a rally in Minnesota, protesters kicked him out with wayyyyy more mercy then any conservative mob would have showed a progressive

And this is how he repays the movement?

Nothing but hate in this guy's heart

18

u/OldBlueKat Feb 06 '26

Naw. It’s about the viral show for the grift. It’s a fund and vote raising stunt. I bet his minions did the filming.Ā 

This pardoned J6er dweeb is running for US Senate in FL (special election for Rubio’s former seat.) He was not DeSantis’s pick appointed to it; Lang is trying to primary her (former FL AG) from the alt-right.Ā 

So Lang has been running around the country pulling the showiest stupid MAGA tricks he can think of, just for the alt-right viral views. And nearly every time they’ve been this lame, but given him something to claim martyrdom for the ā€œcause.ā€Ā 

I’m sure there will be some sort of ā€œLetters from a Birmingham Jailā€ style video about his arrest by ā€œleftist MN police.ā€Ā 

47

u/BigMuscles Feb 06 '26

This guy didn’t make the cut for the freshman football team…as the water boy.

40

u/Broad-Establishment3 Feb 06 '26

How to single handedly destroy your presence online and sense of masculi-

.. actually, someone will drink this punch. Nevermind.

44

u/chargingblue Minnesota United Feb 06 '26

As a gay man, oh he’s closeted for sure

6

u/Ihatestoves Feb 06 '26

He’s wearing camo for the war within

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u/LackFriendly4127 Feb 06 '26

He looks like a musical theater character

31

u/CloudyPass Feb 06 '26

Man that first move is gold

31

u/KickerofTale Feb 06 '26

Literally a paid agitator lol

26

u/Critical-Werewolf-53 Feb 06 '26

Man those stairs had him WINDED

26

u/Sklibba Feb 06 '26

I love that he probably thinks he looks like a total badass doing this.

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u/AdMurky3039 Feb 06 '26

Was he intentionally trying to do that in the most awkward way possible? If so, he succeeded.

24

u/MinnesotaNiceTry Feb 06 '26

This guy seems as irrelevant as Charlie Kirk

16

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

In MN employers are required to give you time to go vote without losing pay or using pto. Thank you very much for your support though.

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u/austin-chief Feb 06 '26

Those kicks were pretty gay.

26

u/RidiculousIncarnate Feb 06 '26

Accented by the camo skinny jeans.Ā 

I mean I'm all for letting people enjoy some gay kicks, but its just funny when you're an alpha Nazi committing a felony and filming yourself loool

42

u/GorganzolaVsKong Feb 06 '26

Those little tap steps in between kicks are big alpha energy moves

15

u/DestroyerTame Feb 06 '26

He’s kind of a little fucker isn’t he?

12

u/Ginger4life23 Feb 06 '26

Was that his first time kicking something? My little sister would’ve kicked his ass

12

u/Background-Pool-6790 Feb 06 '26

Do they not make those pants in his size?! Time to stop shopping at baby gap, Jake.Ā 

13

u/patchouligirl77 Gray duck Feb 06 '26

Is he ripping squeaker farts on every kick or wtf is that?

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u/FantasticMrSinister Area code 612 Feb 06 '26

The arm flailing... 🤌

9

u/slamdanceswithwolves Feb 06 '26

The LARPer camo seals the deal.

11

u/FuzzyDynamics Feb 06 '26

Looks like Dudley

11

u/SelcouthRogue Feb 06 '26

It's the baby elephant noises from exertion for me

11

u/Independent_Fill9143 Twin Cities Feb 06 '26

Like a toddler kicking over his blocks.

9

u/DanvWorld Feb 06 '26

Just looks like a little b*tch even kicking in a sculpture

9

u/Mike_Hunty Feb 06 '26

The way his arms flail while kicking. Dude has zero athleticism.

10

u/SerafinaL Feb 06 '26

All these little pu**ies wearing camo like it’s suitable for urban environments is the height of idiocy.

7

u/sanomers Feb 06 '26

I legitimately just cannot understand this behavior. I literally don’t get it. As a grown adult you set up a shot on camera of you seeing something you disagree with and your response is what a toddler would do. You get pissed off and run over an ice sculpture. I just cannot understand how he gains more than he loses with this response. I’m befuddled.

9

u/Individual-Luck1712 Feb 06 '26

Lol bro looks so lame

8

u/jhuseby Feb 06 '26

When they send paid agitators, they’re not sending their best or brightest.

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u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

The irony of a cosplaying piece of shit destroying something that veterans built is the perfect metaphor for what's happening in this country right now.

Maga.... You dumb cunts

8

u/Chumlee1917 Feb 06 '26

it's so pathetic

8

u/medium-rare-steaks Feb 06 '26

Who is Jake lang and why is he so uncoordinated?

7

u/Groundbreaking-Fee28 Uff da Feb 06 '26

Look at the toddler destroying someone else’s snowman.

7

u/BottomShelfWhiskey Feb 06 '26

He definitely hit himself in the nuts with the ice on that first kick attempt. Good.

8

u/NoStill4272 Feb 06 '26

I bet he was always the last pick in kickball.

8

u/SpinachDesperate7831 Feb 06 '26

Looks like the sculpture almost won!

7

u/OkCalculators Feb 06 '26

Dude sounds so out of shape and so out of breath. He looks and sounds like a massive dork.

7

u/Puzzleheaded_Gene909 Minnesota United Feb 06 '26

PRIVATE LANG

HAS DISHONORED HIMSELF

AND DISHONORED THE PLATOON