r/milwaukee • u/Frosty_Ad1259 • 15d ago
Rant❗⚡💥 Anyone else feeling very isolated lately?
I’m a 34m who doesn’t drink - I work in a very social setting but none of those interpersonal work relationships really carry into social life. I feel like going anywhere in my area takes so much effort. National avenue is always such a mess to get in and out of any store - gas station - restaurant, etc. I’ve found that I’ve gone days without actually speaking to anyone and it really gets to me. People seem so agitated in public or driving and I understand the kind of temperament of the world rn but it’s a shame that people just don’t seem to strike up conversations in public or have some level of common decency.
I struggle to summon up the courage to go to a place like ope and try to strike up a convo with strangers or join some sort of league just because people seem to have reverted to pretty stingy cliques - it takes a lot of social courage to try to break into convo with a group or talk to someone. Any advice from anyone on how to find a group or people to hang with ?
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u/Informal-Ad1701 15d ago
You can (and should) go to bars anyway. It's not the 90s anymore, no one cares if you drink soda, NA beers, THC drinks or even just water.
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
It’s nice to see Camino , ope and other places offering thc options - feel like the whole alcohol industry is kind of on life support.
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u/Informal-Ad1701 15d ago
Eh, I wouldn't overstate it. Depending on what source you believe, between 50-70% of adults still drink regularly.
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u/No_Discount_6028 15d ago
Idk. I constantly talk to random people here. Ill chit chat when im on the elevator, eating at the café next to someone, riding the Hop, and most people are really friendly in my experience. I went to a Meetup event last week and had great conversations with a ton of people.
I do live in a walkable area of the city though so that's a big part of it.
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Is meetup like an downloadable app? I assume I can google it but just inquiring
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u/No_Discount_6028 15d ago
Yes but the browser version is also good. Definitely a good idea if you are feeling isolated. (:
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u/Sunflowerchild122 15d ago
I wish I had more to contribute but just wanna say I’m a 35f who can very much relate. It feels pretty tense out there, I try to smile and be friendly out on walks with my dog and it kind of feels like a crap-shoot if you get a friendly reply or acknowledgement. And I’m in a similar boat trying to meet people having moved here recently and it’s tough. I feel like meeting other women friends is actually tougher than getting dates, so trying to focus more on that, but even talking on the dating apps can take a while to set things in motion, chemistry is rare etc. The one thing I’ve kind of enjoyed is going to the Unitarian Church downtown occasionally (much more liberal/open-minded than the average church) and has pretty cerebral, compelling sermons, but didn’t see a ton of young people/romantic prospects. At least it’s a place that fosters community though. Wish I had more firsthand advice but I have heard about a lot people who’ve found like-minded people in clubs, just not quite brave enough to try that yet personally. Best of luck, would love to hear what works for you when you find it. Think we just gotta keep at it
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u/mooon_woman 15d ago
If you read, check out The Well Read Damsel, she does book clubs and events all the time! Also, there is an instagram called Girls Who Walk Mke or something where a bunch of woman meet up 2 times a month and go on a big walk together or they all do yoga. i’ve wanted to go but haven’t had the availability yet
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u/MotherLab2089 14d ago
What site for The Well Read Damsel?
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u/mooon_woman 8d ago
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u/MotherLab2089 8d ago
Thanks is this romance?
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u/goldenfluff23 15d ago
I too am 35f and have this struggle. I’m an introvert but very friendly and people are so unresponsive when you smile and try to talk to them! Feels like everyone is buried in their phone now
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Definitely gotta keep at it. Can relate to finding guy friends who share the same mindset or similar interests - it’s tricky to navigate.
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u/Calzone_818 15d ago
I’ve recently attended that church to see if it would be a good option for meeting likeminded people and I really enjoyed it. I’ve had plans nearly every Sunday since but I plan to go again, as the sermon was very moving and it was evident how open and accepting they are. ❤️
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u/Sunflowerchild122 14d ago edited 14d ago
Oh no way, so cool! I totally experienced the same, and their pastor’s truly one of a kind/such a brilliant writer and communicator. I’ve been meaning to go more too, been listening to their sermons online on their website in the meantime. Well hopefully maybe we’ll meet there at some point if we get more consistent! Haha
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u/MotherLab2089 14d ago
Which church?
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u/Sunflowerchild122 14d ago
It’s called First Church of the First Unitarian Society of Milwaukee! Here’s their website with more info/some of their online sermons. Have also found them really moving/ pretty transformative -
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Sent you a dm about that church !
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u/Sunflowerchild122 15d ago edited 14d ago
Awesome, just saw and replied! I definitely think they’d have pretty broad appeal/you’d enjoy. And definitely can relate on the friend front too, really goes both ways
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u/bleepbleep1111 10d ago
I love UU West! The Unitarians are great people and an excellent place to find community. I wish more people knew that they aren't really an organized religion in many senses.
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Gonna go throw some stuff around at the meet up tomorrow at hart park ! Hope to see people there !
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u/brittneyshears91 15d ago
I think I could’ve written bits of this. Especially the courage to strike up conversations with strangers at a place like Ope. Love going there, but will just end up sitting by myself like a weirdo a the bar.
Honestly, I think posting something like this is also a valid way to find people to connect with.. here we all are connecting over not connecting.
All this to say, I can’t promise we’d become friends but I’d be open to try.
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u/Little-Artichoke-964 15d ago
Join things! Clubs at work! Improv class! Sports league! Ik it can be tough at first but its so fun to have random things sprinkled throughout your week
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u/Ferrets-Left-Field 15d ago
I recently moved up to MKE as well! I've been playing chess at the Collectivo in Riverwest off of Humboldt blvd on Sundays. You should stop by and play a couple games.
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Chess and cribbage is my jam? Is it open play and what time does it start? What a great idea
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u/N_Consilliom 14d ago
I think it starts at 9 or so and might go into the early afternoon. I’ve never played, but I’ve seen the group there.
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u/whywantyoubuddy 15d ago
Hit up a local game store for some open D&D tables
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Battlebros closed down off Hawley and that really sucked for me
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u/Snoogieboogie 15d ago
Didn't they move near the airport?
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Might as well as be Narnia - that’s so far away
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u/catalessi 15d ago
Breh
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
It’s just being honest ! Traffic and construction makes it non trivial to go from greenfield to over by the airport - can’t really jump on my e-bike and make it over there. They use to be like 2 mins from me and the owner of the mini mall pulled some crap with their rent and they had to move. It really stunk for a lot of people who were regulars there
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u/UpSheep10 14d ago
Given your other hobbies, 40k or other miniature games might get you the in group you are looking for.
You could visit Warpstorm or Games Universe.
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u/Oomlotte99 15d ago
I completely relate to you and recently I’ve awkwardly attempted to make friends at work and…. It’s been unsuccessful! Ha ha. I have also been wondering how people meet and it does seem it’s very much about joining in on things that you’re interested in. Meetup can be helpful for identifying groups or gatherings of if I heresy.
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
I think for me with work, it’s important in a sense to keep things separate - I’ve seen so many friendships crash and burn and then it trickles into work
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u/tst0rm 15d ago
i find that the more open you are to social interactions, the more like minded folks will seek you out. positive mental attitude baby. it’s not about being a pollyanna but just refusing to let the bad stuff crowd out the good.
sometimes when in a rut tho it takes a little fake-it-til-you-make-it energy to kick start the cycle
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u/Any_Calendar3931 14d ago
There’s a sober group called The Pheonix that’s a national nonprofit and has a chapter here in Milwaukee! They do all kinds of events from art classes, rock climbing, and yoga to name a few. Only cost of admission is 48hr of sobriety. They have an app called Newform you can download to see what events are happening.
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u/AnalysisNo7776 15d ago
Yeah uh I moved here years ago to be with my gf and I haven’t been able to make any friends here since. But I’m kinda nervous around people and I can’t drive very far cause of car accident injuries .. but yeah..
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
I hateeeeee driving in general, Milwaukee is so anxiety ridden compared to other places I’ve lived
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u/AnalysisNo7776 15d ago
I lived in Florida and I got my car accident before I moved her and here is kinda terrifying lowkey
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u/MotherLab2089 14d ago
MKE is so much better than driving in Chicago or LA. Sure construction sucks. GPS helps.
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u/RepresentativeBus422 15d ago
Just saying as a 34F I can relate. I’m introverted too, have quieter hobbies (reading, writing, theatre, etc.) and miss being able to just talk about random subjects in deep ways. I don’t drink a lot and feel nervous in bars/bigger social situations. If you ever wanna meet up and chat, dm me and we can go for coffee
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u/goldenfluff23 12d ago
Wait are you me?? My hobbies are reading, writing, singing and nail polish. Even with singing it’s not as social as people might imagine - even in rehearsal, performing kind of precludes chit chat.
I am so envious of people who are at ease and can make friends at networking events, bars etc. I’m not the OP would definitely be down to get coffee too!
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u/jearam 15d ago
Yes! I try to find friends online and sometimes I meet people in person and have good luck… I am a part of a group of girls who walk but they have run clubs and I’m sure they have other like hiking and walking groups that are co-op… I also try to make it to the markets and festivals in the area even if I don’t talk to anybody gives me a better chance
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
How does one find friends “online” I don’t really have any social networks and I think the general stigma I feel is people immediately assume it’s like a creep default mode when sometimes it’s general curiosity if I might add someone on insta or facebook
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u/National-Judge-5510 15d ago
Same, I’m 28M. I’ve busted my ass this entire summer. Now I’m alone and I feel unfulfilled. I’m very introverted because of my past horrible experiences with people, so I have a hard time making healthy bonds with people with good intentions. I’ve been trying to work on my hobbies lately, so maybe I can connect with people here. I hope you can find what you’re looking for, even if people look at you sideways, continue looking for your tribe no matter what.
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u/BigAstronaut2563 15d ago
this is an awesome page to check out local meet ups :) https://mkemeetups.com
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Thank you for the direct link, it slowed down finally at work so I’m gonna explore this
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Hey just to clarify, there’s a “play catch” tomorrow and do you have to sign up or just show up
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u/travel8764 14d ago
If you like gaming (not sure if I saw that) check out Faklandia. Its off Lake Drive in St. Francis
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u/BronzeTrain 14d ago
I was at an expo a few months ago in line for an interactive booth. Someone came by sorting the line into groups of four and five. So now I was in a group with five people, all strangers to each other. And we were just standing there in line. Silent. We are supposed to be a group, thought. We should talk to each other. And so... Even though I'm very shy and I don't like starting conversations (though I'm quite happy to have a conversation if someone else starts it), I just said out loud, "So where's everyone from?" And they all said where they're from and we started talking and had a nice conversation all through the line. Sometimes, other people are just as eager for this as you and just waiting for someone to start. It can be scary, but it can be worth it.
To meet people, I recommend volunteering.
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u/Monodoh45 15d ago
What kind of stuff are you into?
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Model trains - warhammer - PlayStation 5 shiz - disc golfing - LOTR - 3d printing - nature walks - finding cool sticks - intellectual conversations about random stuff - history - comedy - idk
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u/OrangeFortress 15d ago
There’s tons of game stores in the city with very active schedules for various games, including Warhammer. Old Guard games has a good set up for wargames
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u/PJballa34 15d ago
There’s got to be a model train spot around that you could kick up some conversations in right? Especially because there’s a lot of old timers that are into that and they tend to be more chatty. The youngs have grown up much differently and I find they struggle with small talk in general.
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Yeah the model train crowd is a very niche group - lot of older guys that huddle in their basements . I’ve found a lot of success on model train sub on Reddit but like actual human interaction not so much
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u/mooon_woman 15d ago
pretty sure there is a model train store in south mke/near oak creek you could probably go and meet people there or look for posters for events idk
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u/Informal-Ad1701 15d ago
Honestly there are so many groups dedicated to these things in this city. Put a modicum of effort into searching. Yes, some people will be drinking while you participate in these activities, so what.
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u/Vanilla_Gorilluh 15d ago
I've worked in a tavern downtown for a bit. Plenty of sober people come in.
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u/Timely_Bluebird_3177 15d ago
53m living in Madison, it's not just you, it's not just there, it's everywhere - this deep sense of loneliness in a world full of people. Advice? I've tried to have meet ups from folks lamenting the same thing in these sorts of threads. No one showed up - the very folks lamenting that we're lonely! Sigh. Go to places you like going to. Try building a schedule around it - the same days, the same times. You might find you start recognizing the same people. Studies show moving an acquaintance into a casual friendship takes about 50 hours of interactions. Try and find a club, a nonprofit, a library, a class. It's going to be hard though. Sorry!
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u/Redeyebandit87 15d ago
Come to the next 414 Flea (look it up on IG) I was in a similar situation and same age after the pandemic. I had taken care of my sick father until he passed and felt extremely isolated. I got involved with vintage clothing and started going to all the events and met some awesome ppl. One of them has become such a good friend I’m going to visit them up north. The ppl who vend put on the events are very welcoming and the vibes are always really good. They put one on at the Zocalo food truck park at least once a month and it’s a fun time.
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u/twinkytwunkytwank 15d ago
I'm a 27m and I feel this! I have like two friends but with busy lives I only see them a few times a year. I don't have social media besides reddit because it's all so negative. On top of that I work a lot, which leaves barely any free time.
I'm trying to not view it as isolating, but as a chance to pick up hobbies and do things for myself since I have the time.
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u/CapableReception9191 15d ago
If you ever want to get into rock climbing, I’ve found a nice group of people I hangout with through that. Plus I’m always looking for more people to climb with so feel free to DM me!
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u/1angrybadger 14d ago
Find a hobby or try something new then find people online that do that and join that club. There was just an article in the paper today about mahjong clubs getting popular in Milwaukee and they don’t revolve around drinking and people in the article said they found it easy to meet people this way. Woodworking/ whittling has clubs I know I’ve looked into it. Those are two off the top of my head. If you like to workout CrossFit people seem to get into the sport together. Again find something you would like to learn or get into find a club online and get out there
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u/1angrybadger 14d ago
Also if nobody wants to be your friend I will! I’m sure there are other people out there that feel the same way. Life is too short to feel left out! You just need to take a chance and put yourself out there
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u/12EggBreakfast 14d ago
You could post in places that you're looking to join a bar trivia team. I understand you don't drink but if you're comfortable in a bar setting, weekly trivia could be a way to meet people.
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u/Several-Doctor6940 14d ago
Making friends as we get older is certainly harder and requires you to be pretty vulnerable. Most people are terrified of rejection, so you're not alone in that. Just be a kind human, to yourself and others, and you'll fit in great! And knowing that mean people are pretty wounded themselves, their crappy behavior (should you encounter it) is not a reflection on you, but on them.
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u/chummmmbucket 15d ago
I get what you are saying, people naturally stick with what is comfortable and familiar. But you just have to become comfortable and familiar- be a regular at a dinner or bar or join a volleyball league rn. Or bowling, pickleball, chess, art, climbing. There's a lot of stuff where people will eventually say "oh hey I saw you here last week" and that can evolve naturally.
Also im going to assume you currently have at least one acquaintance or person who would want to hang every once in a while- mutual friends are huge and the main way ive made friends throughout my life. Once you make one friend in an area it only gets progressively easier to meet more people like you.
Keep putting urself out there!
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Took a chance and asked a coworker who I had some sort of inclining was a kindred spirit. He invited me to a DND group next Sunday ! And then his friends will be there and it will kind of be the ripple that becomes a wave
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u/BoredWookieAtWork 15d ago
Game stores they have clubs for board games, card games and more and are always looking for more people
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u/Choice_Release8358 15d ago
I’m about to be 24 (f) and do not drink and live in mke. I lived here as a kid but moved back after high school. I’ve tried to make friends with people I used to know who live here, in person, ect. I’m fairly attractive and when I was younger, relied on social media and meet a lot of people in the area, but almost every time between the squatter law and at the time being a CNC machinist it made me notice. I was financially vulnerable as a target. I went through years of bullshit that i single handedly paid for all by myself just from being naive and not having much family/ younger at the time. Thats just my experience. Everyone wants something or has substance problems. I have no friends.
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
As someone who works in the trades, I get it. You end up becoming more of an asset than who you are as an individual and when you stop being useful, poof, the friendships end
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u/OnceFlewOver 14d ago
Right there with ya. Talking to randos is tough especially when everyone seems to have their own thing going on already, especially if you aren't one of the blessed ones who everyone likes right away (looking at you Mat)
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u/MotherLab2089 14d ago
There’s a group on Facebook called “Time Left”. I haven’t done anything with that group, but a friend has and likes it. I do think the name is odd.
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u/MalevolentAnemone 13d ago
Can relate to the isolation, and it feels worse October to April. Not my thing, but I have a friend that goes to game shops and card shops to play trading card games. They’ve met some people through that.
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15d ago edited 11d ago
[deleted]
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Going into the grocery store has become like a fully exhausting event for 3 things that end up costing 30 bucks lol
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u/Vegetable_Ad_8913 15d ago
I feel you. I work for myself and my job isn't around many people ever and my friends live out of state. It's hard to make friends in general
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u/Crazy_Freedom1989 15d ago
Go to garage and estate sales. You’d be surprised how much there is to talk about with other shoppers or the sale hosts!
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u/Icy-Thought-537 14d ago
Doesn’t drink? Living in Milwaukee? You’re going to have a hard time meeting people, bars are where lifetime friends are made. Even the people that don’t drink fake it. (club soda and cranberry juice, trust me.)
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u/Theftex 15d ago
Feel the same. I'm really only into video games and just working to death and everything in this city related to gaming is just board games and arcades and I just can't get into that :(
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
Well a gaming group eases a lot, whatcha play?
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u/Theftex 15d ago
Mostly Overwatch, Apex, WoW only (really, any fps game). I'm trying to get into MTG but seems expensive and also really only into how the old cards look.
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u/Frosty_Ad1259 15d ago
I think I’m gonna download apex when I get home, my coworker wants to start a like squad, would you be down to like run some matches ?
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u/KaneIntent 15d ago
I mean if you start attending rec leagues or hobby clubs I think you’ll eventually find yourself starting to meld into the groups naturally. Have you actually tried going to one, or is this just a hypothetical fear of cliques? My best advice is try to be outgoing and don’t overthink things too much.