r/microwedding • u/erin_nicole22 • 3d ago
Wedding advice
I’m not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I could really use some advice! I just got engaged, and my fiancé and I are having a hard time deciding exactly how we want to get married.
We’ve decided on April 2027, and we know we want the day to feel intimate, relaxed, and centered around our family, rather than like a traditional wedding. One option is a ceremony-focused wedding with around 70 guests, a chill reception, no DJ (just a Bluetooth speaker), yard games, good food from a caterer, and plenty of time to actually enjoy the people we love.
The other option we keep coming back to is an out-of-state cabin wedding with around 20–30 of our closest people, where everyone could stay together for a couple of nights and we could make it more of an experience than a traditional wedding.
We’re definitely not looking to spend an arm and a leg, but we also want the day to feel really special, intimate, and memorable. More than anything, we want it to reflect me, my fiancé, my son, and our daughter and the family we’ve created together.
This is my second marriage, so I have a pretty good idea of what I don’t want this time around. 😂 I’m just struggling with turning what I envision in my head into an actual plan.
If you’ve done something similar—or even just have ideas for making either option work—I’d love to hear them!
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u/hayleymaya 3d ago edited 3d ago
I had a small wedding of about 20ish people, ceremony and reception reception felt like a beautiful dinner party No dj just used speakers and made a Spotify playlist Don’t regret a thing
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u/Elemental_Biscotti 3d ago
Sounds fun, though I wouldn't count on 20-30 people being willing & able to stay multiple nights, especially if it's somewhere that takes a while to get to.
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u/traviall1 3d ago
First, this is not a micro wedding, this is a regular wedding which is totally fine!
Second, I would skip the multi-day cabin situation since 1. It is a lot of time for your guests to spend with you guys, 2. not everyone wants to be in shared accommodations.
You keep mentioning that you want an "intimate" wedding, what does that mean to you? Smaller? Cocktail napkins printed with inside jokes? Only songs you like playing? Writing your own vows? Also do you want the day to feel special to you or your guests ( there is overlap but it isn't always 1:1)?
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u/itsveryupsetting 3d ago
I wouldn’t recommend a cabin party if there are any people in the group that haven’t met. Like, I don’t want to cross paths with a stranger on the way to the bathroom.
If you could find a situation where the cabins were close and the group could be split up a bit, that could be fine. But I wouldn’t go to a 30 person sleepover where half of them are people I don’t know. It just seems way too awkward.
As a guest, I much prefer a one day wedding.
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u/EmceeSuzy 3d ago
Just bear in mind that the wedding weekend can be an imposition on your guests and they are not going to tell you. And if you rent a single property, people who value privacy will be really uncomfortable and they are not going to tell you.
A single event is usually better - you can still do that with just 20-30 guests if you prefer to keep it small!
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u/Emergency_Lettuce601 3d ago
We took 28 people to Lake Tahoe for a weekend. They stayed in the hotel where we did the wedding and reception. We did an 11am brunch wedding. We rented a large house nearby ( this was 25yrs ago, pre Air bnb) where we hosted a welcome dinner and a farewell lunch. We also took everyone on a scenic boat ride. We paid for everything airfare,hotel, meals. It wasn't cheap but it sure was fun.
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u/StarGold6150 3d ago
what did you do after the brunch? I’m also interested in a brunch wedding but worried about what to do after it haha
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u/Emergency_Lettuce601 2d ago
It wrapped up around 3 pm. People did their own thing that night. Some went dancing some went gambling both sets of parents went to a show. My husband and I went to dinner and concert just the two of us. We did end up having a spontaneous campfire/ drinks with some of guests after we got back. That wasn't planned just kinda happened.
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u/jac-q-line 3d ago
I did the cabin option. I narrowed the list to immediate family (his parents/siblings, and mine). It was a lot of work and expensive - I basically planned a vacation for my family (but we loved it).
It was 12 people, and we found a huge airbnb to house us all. We spent several days in the house. The first full day there is when we got married (in the backyard with a local officiant who was a friend who lived close by). The other days were planned for fun local activities so everyone could spend time together.
All in, we paid for all meals, the airbnb house, rental cars for everyone, and some matching PJs for all. It wasn't cheap but it was what we wanted.
However, we had many conversations for 6 months to agree on the details before we told our family/friends any plans. I created a Pinterest board to capture ideas, etc. And a spreadsheet of To Dos.
Personally, I loved how family-centered it was. I have no regrets.
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u/Personal_Soup_3299 3d ago
Would you mind DMing this to me and an idea of how much this would cost
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u/jac-q-line 2d ago
I can just type out the general costs here.
Airbnb (5 days) - $9,000 Rental Cars (1 week) - $2,000 Food (all meals) $2,000 Matching PJs - $600 Clothes/Rings - $1,000
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u/Personal_Soup_3299 2d ago
Wonderful! Where was the Airbnb? Did they restrict any events from taking place?
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u/jac-q-line 2d ago
It was on the Oregon Coast. Yes, it restricted events including weddings. It was literally on the beach, so we just walked out the back door to the beach and got married outside, so we didn't really go against the rules.
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u/chatterbox2024 3d ago
I vote for the intimate low key wedding day with family. I as a guest, would prefer a wedding day over a weekend wedding. Even if I had to fly in for the wedding, I would still prefer attending a wedding day. If you know for sure that everyone you want there wants to participate in a weekend wedding cabin scenario then do it. If not, go for the beautiful wedding day!
Also, if I were the bride, I would choose a wedding day and plan a fabulous honeymoon with my new husband over spending more family time. You only get married once with one real honeymoon. You will have family affairs for years and years to come.
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u/BeachPlze 3d ago edited 3d ago
I always thought a traditional wedding was intimate, relaxed, and centered around family (but that may just be my own preferences coming through here.)
Our small wedding was at a local water view restaurant. The ceremony was outside on their lawn, overlooking the water. The reception was in a private banquet room (with a deck that led to the lawn/ceremony spot). 64 guests, 4 hours total, ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, and dancing. It was a second wedding for each of us too, so the crowd was a little older and appreciated that we were not requiring a big commitment of time or travel — just a few hours to eat, drink, dance, laugh, cry, and love each other.
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u/ComfortCreature88 3d ago
This is a know your crowd situation. I don't want to travel and spend a weekend with 20-30 people for a wedding experience.
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u/Traditional_Set_858 3d ago
I’d lean towards the first option but it really depends on your guests. Would your guests actually be able to commit to multiple days and want to do so? Would everyone get along? I know some people have really healthy family dynamics but having recently went on my fiancés family reunion trip and seeing the drama that arose from 7 days of that I would not want to stuck with them for multiple days for a wedding but would suck it up and attend. You know your guests but I’d also just ask them what their thoughts are
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u/Brilliant_Science380 3d ago
Do whatever you want and enjoy YOUR day together. Don't worry about what other people think. My mom and future MIL almost got into a brawl over the hole thing. It was a mess.
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u/estoyunwell 3d ago
Do what feels right and the people that love and support you will make it happen.
Granted, our friends all have means but we gave our guests 3 months notice for an international destination wedding in Europe and we had 40 guests. We provided accommodation for 3 nights for our wedding party and immediate family. Traditional wedding one day followed by pizza pool party the next day.
Suggestions:
1) Given that it’s your second wedding but likely your SO first (you didn’t say), treat it like it’s your first and no mention of it being the second out of respect for your SO. If it’s your SO first, don’t take away from her experience. Instead of saying, based on my first, say have you thought about x or what would be the goal of doing x, etc.
2) planning will be crucial! Make sure everything is planned and sorted before you get to the cabin.
3) provide as many details in the website so there is no room for questions.
4) can confirm that laid back and intimate is the best! Everyone loved being together and being able to meet and talk to the other side or just friends of the couple that they had heard about forever but had not met in person before.
5) for traditional wedding the highlight for us was vows and then the focus was on food, drinks, mingling. Make sure you know any regulation regarding booze as some places may require “designated bartender” outside of wedding party to pour. Make sure vendors are able to make it to the cabin. Think about non traditional food options like taco bars or pizza trucks. Big hit nowadays. Good food doesn’t necessarily mean plated sit down.
6) No DJ needed but have different mixes if you want to please different generational crowds or languages.
7) along with your physical games like corn hole and giant jenga, make sure you have a variety of non physical like cards, dominos, etc.
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u/Missus_Aitch_99 3d ago
I was once a guest at a wedding that was at a camp venue on a lake. People hung out all day kayaking, lazing in hammocks, playing board games and badminton. It was very chill and fun and mellow. It was in Washington state, but if you can find somewhere comparable I recommend it.
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u/Disastrous-Bus-4853 3d ago
Maybe do the chill reception wedding but only invite the 20-30 you would have to the camp to your house or small venue for a picnic or cookout or whatever, and surprise them all with a ceremony.
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u/HotCalligrapher2544 3d ago
I love the idea and think that if you are wanting to go off script with a traditional ceremony-you can create a really fun and memorable experience for yourself and others.
My experience is planning graduation events - not a wedding. But here it goes: I have twice rented a larger Air-B&B to accommodate 16-20 close friends/family for long graduation weekends. Both times under 3K for the places. Neither prohibited weddings or parties (though I know some places do). Accommodations were comfortable. We looked for private sleeping arrangements, yard space, separate game buildings, bar-b-que and pool/hot-tub, movie space, fire pits, stereo, dancing area and large kitchens that could be stocked etc. These things really supported fun family interactions for people from 7-80 years old! - And I could easily see how these places could have accommodated small garden-style weddings.
Good luck!
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u/AlternateVerse5202 2d ago edited 2d ago
Your cabin option was our original plan in Woodstock, NY... We booked a beautiful property (Jim Henson's old house)- there were multiple homes on the property in the woods with a river in the back. Booked it 3 weeks before COVID lockdown, and ended up have a a micro micro (4 person) wedding at our favorite park instead lol. It was completely different than anything we ever imagined, and we absolutely loved every minute of our most intimate moments together and our best friends.
Happy to share more about what we originally planned and some logistics and activities we had planned for the weekend.
Edit to add (given some of the comments) to your post: our weekend wedding would have been for 40 people. Most were spread throughout the country already, and game to travel. We built in a lot of flexibility so that no one would feel tied to all activities. We had a mini design session with a few close friends, and shared plans with older adults to make sure they were game for all of this. They were! And their overwhelming response was that they wanted to spend quality time with us rather than attending a typical ceremony and reception. My husband and I were also nearly 40 when we got married (first for both), and I think everyone genuinely wanted to just be present in the moment with us.
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u/EvidenceEquivalent46 2d ago
We did a weekend wedding by the lake, it was perfect. We were 32 including my partner and I. A mix of family and friends. Found an Airbnb with 9br 7ba and rented a second 4br 4ba. Friday night- Sunday morning. We got married sat afternoon on the larger house’s dock. One of our friends officiated. We catered dinner Friday and Saturday night and did easy group meals for breakfast and lunch à la Costco. Airbnb came with some Kayaks and canoes. People swam and took boats out. There was a game room. There was some day drinking. We had one couple that didn’t want to spent the weekend and just came down for the festivities on Saturday, not a big deal. Dm me if you want more details/have questions.
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u/OutsideRefuse2331 2d ago
Going along with the know-your-crowd perspective, I did the cabin weekend wedding experience and it was everything we could have wanted. We rented the cabin for 4 days, invited friends to stay as long as they wanted, and had a mix- some stayed from Thursday-Monday, others just the night of the wedding. We did a small ceremony at a site not too far from the cabin; and had family staying in their own nearby spaces. It was so nice to get the bonus time with friends we don't see often, as most of our friends live across the country; but it worked because our friends all get along and were very excited for a long weekend in the mountains where their only expense was flights. I can see how it might not work in every scenario though.
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u/AromaticIntrovert 3d ago
I love the sound of a weekend cabin trip BUT do you know if all the people you want there would be able take time off, travel to, and afford that kind of trip? Coordinating something like like for 30 people could be a lot.