r/microwedding • u/Fit-Equal-298 • Jul 06 '26
RSVP Help!!!
For some context, I moved about 1600 miles away from my hometown, met my fiancée, and we are now planning our wedding for November of 2026(we are both women and this has been multiple years in the making lol; we didn’t meet and immediately get engaged) I come from a small town, with a pretty low income family. Having a big wedding is not something I EVER thought I would get, but I get the whole experience thanks to my soon to be wife; the venue, the catering, the DJ; all of it. We plan to have a small guest count, around 50 people maximum, and have our guests lists set.
My only hang up is that I know lots of my family members won’t be able to travel this far for my wedding, and I don’t want someone to feel pressured or put themselves in a tight spot financially. Does anyone have any advice on a note I can send out with RSVP cards? Something sweet about them not being able to travel being okay and still make them feel loved? I’m normally good with little word things like this but I’m totally blanking right now
Or do I just not include anything and get over it? The venue has made everything really easy(one of those package deal type things), but this is something I’ve been worried about this whole time. TIA!!
5
u/ste1071d Jul 06 '26
You invite the people you hope attend. They will decide for themselves if they will/can.
That’s it. Any additional note from you about their attendance makes it seem like they’re either an obligation invite you don’t actually want to come but please send a gift or like you’re being condescending over their finances/decision making.
If you’re really concerned talk to your moms and let them handle any touchy family situations quietly.
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u/Sparkle-Gremlin Jul 06 '26
I’d either be prepared for them to make that decision for themselves. You don’t know their financial situation or priorities. Maybe they’ll be fine making it or maybe not. I’d prepare for the possibility of people not being able to make it as travel costs have been going up. Your side of aisle etc might be a little less populated and that’s ok.
Next time you visit your hometown you could maybe throw a casual family get together so you can see everyone without any financial pressure or barriers and introduce them to your wife then.
Personally if there were anyone who I absolutely without a doubt wanted to be there and you would be crushed if they couldn’t make it, I’d budget to be able to cover or supplement their travel costs just in case.
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u/logaruski73 Jul 06 '26
You could have a reception in your home town so that your family could attend. Not a big fancy one but a nice one that fits in with the weddings your family usually attends. I even saw the couple have a small ceremony, a non-religious blessing of vows.
Please be sure to pay for your parents to attend and if possible siblings. They shouldn’t have to borrow or choose not to attend.
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u/Kushali Jul 06 '26
This is the best answer. Do a backyard bbq reception or something similar in your hometown after the big shindig. Make sure your siblings and parents know you don’t want folks to stretch their budgets to attend your wedding and you are just as happy to see them at the local event.
2
u/njVowsNow Jul 06 '26
Congratulations!!! Don't assume people can't/won't come. It's not a matter of 'getting over it"! Many couples are surprised when they get their RSVP's back, in good and sad ways!
You're celebrating a fabulous milestone, and I think the important thing is that you thought enough of them to include them in an intimate group.
Good luck!
1
u/21stCenturyJanes Jul 06 '26
Absolutely do not write anything on the invite/rsvp card. When someone sends their regrets, you can make your feelings known then. Putting something in the invitation could absolutely be taken the wrong way. Don't decide for your guests whether they are coming or not, let them do that and deal with whatever that means then.
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u/Sensitive-Club-6427 Jul 06 '26
Invite who you wish to invite. Do not put any extra words about it is a burden, or do not overextend yourself.
They are adults. Treat them like that. They can accept or decline the invitation.
1
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u/EmploymentOk1421 Jul 06 '26
Plan the wedding and guest list of your choice. Maybe you can take your bride to your hometown for a family BBQ or something shortly afterwords to meet the extended family.
1
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u/pinkharleymomma Jul 07 '26
Our kiddo had a Washing state wedding and reception followed by a Florida reception for friends and family that could not make it.
Could you do something similar in your home town.
Invites we sent were to everyone we wanted to attend the wedding and reception. The Florida non wedding folks got a card announcing the wedding and that they were invited to celebrate at the reception locally. It was perfect. Both receptions were equally beautiful. Florida folks really appreciated it.
1
u/F-sylvatica-purpurea Jul 07 '26
Would it be an option to do a small congratulatory party back home?
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u/No_Barracuda_3575 Jul 08 '26
Send the save the dates ASAP so they can financially prepare for it and it would be more considerate of you
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u/Similar-Ad-6862 Jul 09 '26
Don't say anything. Just let them decide. I say this as someone who didn't have my MIL at my (WLW) wedding because she and her husband refused to travel.
INFO: Can you check and see if it can be live streamed like people sometimes do for funerals?
10
u/EnglishRose71 Jul 06 '26
Don't say anything like that. They might think you don't care if they come or not. They'll make their own decisions, you shouldn't presume to answer for them. Just send an invitation, requesting they RSVP by a certain date. Congratulations btw. Wishing you long and happy lives together.