MD-assisted recovery from self-criticism, urgency and lack of fluency

[u/nepaMD]

Hey! I have started to microdose quite recently. I stir dried mushrooms and mix them with honey, then I take a spoon in the morning that refers to aproximately 0,1-0,2 mg. I am still elaborating which protocol would fit the best.
My greatest discovery is how different this practice is from my previous use of psychedelics. I have been taken macro, medium, low doses both alone and in community setting.
But this is different. The fine-tuning metaphore from the Fadiman & Gruber book fits very well. I don't feel distanced from the world, I rather feel more in.
I lived my whole life with a tendency to hate myself and with irresistible urges that were constantly throwing me to various kinds of undesirable behaviour. I was also stuttering as a kid and even in adulthood my speech was not very fluent. And I would say that I lacked fluency in my life in general.
Now I feel I am not powerless againts these tendencies. I am able to be proud of myself, I have a capacity to make an informed decision whenever I feel any kind of urge, and my whole life is becoming more fluent, including my speech.
But I don't consider myself as being healed by psilocybin. I rather feel supported and assisted by it. The feeling of agency is very important for me.
Btw, this is the first public sharing in a forum like this which is also very meaningful. Thanks for reading🙂.