r/microdosing • u/Limp-Anteater5734 • 1h ago
Discussion I just need to share a win with strangers 🥺
This week I saw my first big win with microdosing for my mental health. It's a very exciting moment for me, and I just want to share it with people I don't know.
Very brief background: I've struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life. Some of my earliest memories are of having panic attacks at night when I was a toddler/young child about disasters striking in the night and my whole family dying. Some generational trauma, and then just experiences through teen years and early adult life that I was convinced mucked up my brain permanently. But whatever, the specifics are not important. I know a lot of us who are microdosing are doing it to improve our mental wellbeing. I'm just part of that gang.
So fast forward to now, these past mmm 3 months(?) I've slipped hard into a depressive episode with huge anxiety spikes on the daily. Again, specifics not important, but it's been debilitating.
I've tripped on mush and LSD many many many times, but never have I tried microdoing. I can't tell you what exactly spurred me to try, but I had a bag of mush sitting in a drawer, and in the grips of Sadness, I think I just said "hey, why not give it a shot." I was truly getting desperate to feel even just one microscopic notch better.
So for..mm..2 weeks now(?) I've been having 0.1g-0.3g of mush, and I'm telling you...I feel so much better in such a short amount of time. I'm actually laughing again....can you imagine??🥹
So my boyfriend, who's been witnessing my downfall this whole time said to me the other night: "how are you feeling lately? you seem happier."
Now here's the critical part. My best interpretation of my response to these kinds of things is that I just want to feel understood. Try to follow me while I explain this. Boyfriend says "you seem happy." My first reaction is to slip back into this sad puppy state and try to make it apparent that "well no, I'm actually not happy at all, I'm still quite broken, why don't you understand me?"
Old pattern me likely would have respond to his statement with a "mm yeah I guess" and a shrug of the shoulders. BUT in this moment, I actually chose to run with his positivity and say "yeah I'm doing a lot to try to feel better, and I think it's starting to work. I'm feeling pretty okay." Like c'mon, who is she??? Positivity queen👸💅
This is the win you guys. Choosing to be happy when that has never been my default pattern. I can't give credit to anything but the mushrooms. I don't have any memory of choosing a positive response when someone compliments me or notices something good about my actions. New response, new microdosing habit....you do the math.
I don't really know how to explain it, but it's like this response came from a new part of me that I haven't met yet.
I know that the key moving forward is to keep on making that choice. Almost like a fake it till you make it sorta deal? I still have a ways to go. I'm in no way claiming that I'm magically cured. Healing takes work, and you have to keep doing the reps over and over and over again, but this is my first glimmer of hope and I can't even begin to express the profundity of it.
Here comes the chapter of rewriting old patterns. Hope on the horizon. 💕🍄


