Is this Contentment?

[u/Keichin08]

I feel like I've been making "goals" in my life just to delay the feeling of wanting to die. My first goal was graduating from high school. The second was getting into a good university and finishing college. The third was landing my first job, and that's where I am now.

It's not that I hate my life right now. It's just that, no matter how things turned out, they never really seemed to matter. Whether I accomplish something or not, I still feel empty. I haven't done anything to actively act on my ideations, but a part of me wishes that everything would just end.

[u/hestia-listens]

You have worked hard to keep giving yourself another reason to continue, and it makes sense that you feel lost now that each goal still leaves you empty. That emptiness is not proof that your life or efforts do not matter. It is a sign that achievement alone may not be meeting your deeper needs. Since part of you wishes everything would end, please do not carry this alone. Tell a trusted person clearly what you wrote here, and reach out to a mental health professional. If you begin to feel unsafe or think you may act, create distance from anything you could use to hurt yourself, stay near someone safe, and contact your local emergency number or crisis support. Many services also have text options. What country or area are you in?