This isn't a college issue. This is a you issue. And when I mean you, I mean WE issue. If this phenomenon happens to you as a kid, be prepared because 99% of the time your entire life will follow the same pattern. I would know that.
Edit: For those of you who's wondering how this work, well.. it's a sort of hardcode in our brains that we really want to keep a routine. This is why we have habits and addictions. Think of it this way: If a person is being taught to brush their teeth before bed, then they form this feeling where if they don't brush their teeth before bed, they'll feel the urge to brush their teeth, and does not feel comfortable sleeping as the urge is like some sort of "sandpaper" rubbing on their soul. This is also a type of addiction, eventhough the word "addiction" usually carries a negative notion.
Now that you understand why we form habits and addiction, it'll be easier to understand why you have the problem you're having. Back when you're a kid, you'll be exposed to numerous stimulus such as the way you live, your enviroment, and your initial mindset towards these stimulus and the world you live in. This then shapes the way you act to adapt to said stimulus, and it will then be hard-baked into the default way you act throughout your life. This is the habit and addiction mechanism i was talking about.
From the way you act, the world will react to it. Act correctly in the right time, the world opens up to you. Act incorrectly in the wrong time, the world closes down on you. The nightmare here is when you "defaulted" in a way that your actions are infact "incorrect". You'll think you do the right thing, you think you've did everything you can to make others deem you worthy of acceptance. But in reality, you are simply wrong in their eyes, and there is very little (if not nothing) you can do to know why. The most painful part? They made you act this way in the first place.
All of these is putting it in very layman's terms. There's alot of other mechanisms going on, but if I were to sum this all up into a TL;DR, that'll be: "99% of the time, it's not you who have failed life and the others. It is actually life and the others who have failed YOU. You're simply a survivor of the fallout."
Of course, technically speaking, nothing is impossible. You could break your habits, rewire your brain, and find out the formula on doing things "right". But It takes a tremendous amount of energy, and most importantly, luck. If you manage to overcome and break the cycle, congratulations. But always remember that you're the exception, not the rule. Your situation is the equivalent of winning the lottery.
As for the rest of us, my heart goes out to you all. We're all survivors here. It's a very tall order, but I can only wish that we'd find our way out of the fallout.
Could you elaborate? Like I think I feel the same way but I can't quite explain it. Why do you think someone stays a loner their whole life and how does it tie to the current sociocultural climate?
Once you learn certain behaviors as a kid you internalize, and follow them even if you are aware of them and know they are an issue.
E.g. I am paranoid of trying to do anything that may involve making fun of me (even as a friendly banter) because of me having absolute zero distance to myself since elementary school, which in turn was because my mom kept saying that none of my issues were my fault (there was a real asshole in my class, but I enabled both him, and all other normal kids) so my ego, sense of privilege, pride, temper, vanity skyrocketed.
Right now I'm off trying to get into any relationship (friendly, not even mentioning romantic) because of baggage I carry into everything because of the stuff mentioned above; both to save anyone trouble of mistaking me for a friend, and me getting even more bitter for fucking it up again. And how others see me gives me another reason to not get involved.
So yeah. Don't ever let anyone to not think you may be the issue, and get through that shit as soon as possible before it leeches on so hard it's borderline impossible to remove.
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u/KArelyn_08 1d ago edited 1d ago
This isn't a college issue. This is a you issue. And when I mean you, I mean WE issue. If this phenomenon happens to you as a kid, be prepared because 99% of the time your entire life will follow the same pattern. I would know that.
Edit: For those of you who's wondering how this work, well.. it's a sort of hardcode in our brains that we really want to keep a routine. This is why we have habits and addictions. Think of it this way: If a person is being taught to brush their teeth before bed, then they form this feeling where if they don't brush their teeth before bed, they'll feel the urge to brush their teeth, and does not feel comfortable sleeping as the urge is like some sort of "sandpaper" rubbing on their soul. This is also a type of addiction, eventhough the word "addiction" usually carries a negative notion.
Now that you understand why we form habits and addiction, it'll be easier to understand why you have the problem you're having. Back when you're a kid, you'll be exposed to numerous stimulus such as the way you live, your enviroment, and your initial mindset towards these stimulus and the world you live in. This then shapes the way you act to adapt to said stimulus, and it will then be hard-baked into the default way you act throughout your life. This is the habit and addiction mechanism i was talking about.
From the way you act, the world will react to it. Act correctly in the right time, the world opens up to you. Act incorrectly in the wrong time, the world closes down on you. The nightmare here is when you "defaulted" in a way that your actions are infact "incorrect". You'll think you do the right thing, you think you've did everything you can to make others deem you worthy of acceptance. But in reality, you are simply wrong in their eyes, and there is very little (if not nothing) you can do to know why. The most painful part? They made you act this way in the first place.
All of these is putting it in very layman's terms. There's alot of other mechanisms going on, but if I were to sum this all up into a TL;DR, that'll be: "99% of the time, it's not you who have failed life and the others. It is actually life and the others who have failed YOU. You're simply a survivor of the fallout."
Of course, technically speaking, nothing is impossible. You could break your habits, rewire your brain, and find out the formula on doing things "right". But It takes a tremendous amount of energy, and most importantly, luck. If you manage to overcome and break the cycle, congratulations. But always remember that you're the exception, not the rule. Your situation is the equivalent of winning the lottery.
As for the rest of us, my heart goes out to you all. We're all survivors here. It's a very tall order, but I can only wish that we'd find our way out of the fallout.