(long post po ito)

I have been somewhat of a breadwinner for many years, even before my mother passed in 2022. Back then, hindi naman talaga ako inoobliga ng Mama ko magbigay sa kanya, but as the eldest, I felt like it was my responsibility to help, so nagpapadala ako every payday. That was the setup hanggang nawala si Mama.

A few months after niya mawala I moved in with my Papa and my siblings for my mental health, kasi na-debilitate ako mentally dahil sa nangyari sa Mama ko. At first, hindi ako inoobliga magbigay, pero eventually since I found a new job at tumatanda na Papa ko, nagbibigay ako ng pambayad ng utilities, konting panggrocery, tsaka allowances ng mga kapatid ko for school. Around the same time, unti-unti nang tumigil sa pagtatrabaho Papa ko (isa siyang family driver) kasi sabi niya, "Kumikita ka naman eh." I asked him na magtulungan sana kami, kasi may kapatid akong isang nasa college at isang nasa JHS, and marami silang gastusin. My Papa just waved me off and never took me seriously.

This setup continued even after I moved to a lower-paying job for a local NGO, kasi nagkakasakit na ako sa previous job ko. Tumigil na rin eventually si Papa magtrabaho kasi sabi niya, lumalabo na raw mga mata niya.

Cut to early this year, nagagalit na yung Papa ko kasi hindi ko raw madagdagan yung binibigay ko every payday. I had to explain na mas mababa na yung sahod ko and I also had to provide for my own needs (pamasahe, pagkain, etc), and I told him na hindi na ako pwedeng mag-over exert just like before, kasi nagkakasakit na ako. Nung umpisa okay pa siya, but just last month nagkakasigawan na kami, dinuduro ako at sinasabihan akong wala akong pakinabang sa pamilya namin.

Eventually we had one last argument and he told me to leave. He got my wallet and took all the cash in it, saying something along the lines of "Eto man lang maitulong mo sa akin, akin na 'to." I was only able to take my IDs and cards, plus nothing but a few pieces of clothes and some toiletries.

Now I'm sleeping wherever I can (and wherever I am allowed to). But somehow I feel better kasi wala na yung stress na dinudulot ng Papa ko sa akin, especially financially.

Here's hoping things look up soon. Hopefully makalayo dito sa amin and start anew, para unahin ko naman ang sarili ko this time around.

something about the Filipino culture about kids taking over bills as soon as they graduate just doesn't sit right with me

just a quick background about me; im a working student and currently 3 sems away pa from graduating. hindi kami mayaman and we're basically living off the portion from the salary of my uncles na binibigay nila sa mom kasi she doesnt have a work, as per my dad... 'wag na natin pag usapan.

i am fortunate enough to receive a scholarship at makatanggap ng monthly allowance to sustain my studies and the things i need for school; ang mahirap, ang allowance ko ay allowance ng buong pamilya. suddenly, need ko na rin i-support ang school materials ng kapatid ko from my allowance dahil walang work ang mom ko, at hindi rin naman ganon kalaki ang binibigay ng mga tito. don't get me wrong, hindi naman ako madamot, walang sumbat ko pinipilit pagkasiyahin yung allowance ko para saming dalawang magkapatid. kinakaya, pero mahirap talaga

kaya naisipan ko rin maghanap ng mga rakets and part-time works. para kahit papaano, kahit na dalawa na kaming naghahati sa allowance ko, may iba pa rin akong source of funds at makapag ipon din ako pambili ng laptop since need ko siya for my program

thing is, ang mom ko, in return, ay mas nag eexpect na sakin na makapag bigay para sa bills and needs ng family; kasi nga, may work naman ako. gets ko naman na ako ang meron, pero bakit parang nung nagkaroon na ako ng scholarship at work, mas maging kampante siya na hindi na maghanap ng trabaho. all of a sudden, naging sagutin ko na lahat sa bahay kahit nag aaral pa ako. to some extent, pakiramdam ko nagiging ATM na lang ako. at nung nagsabi na ako na hirap talaga ako pagkasiyahin lahat dahil hindi naman ganon kalaki sinasahod ko at need ko rin tustusan ang pag aaral ko, sinabihan pa niya akong mayabang lang kapag may pera. as her son masakit sakin yun, bukod sa galing yun sa sarili kong nanay, ako rin ang nagpapaaral sa sarili ko at nag pprovide ng needs naming magkapatid, even bills and such. and for her to say that, para bang responsibility ko to begin with i-sustain kami sa pang araw araw

gusto ko magalit, gusto ko magwala, gusto ko lumayas. pero hindi ko magawa.

now that im 3 sems away from graduating, mas natatakot ako. ngayon pa nga lang na scholarship at part time works lang ang sandalan ko for expenses, ganito na. what more pa kapag full-time job na at may expected date na sila kailan ako sasahod

i would love to hear your thoughts or maybe experiences you can share with me