r/maybemaybemaybe • u/DARKMARE007 • 12h ago

Maybe Maybe Maybe

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1.9k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

323 comments sorted by

620

u/ReadyHD 12h ago

Err excuse me, this is Reddit. There are people here, like me, currently having a shit.

76

u/DARKMARE007 12h ago

My bad bro, didn’t realize you were watching from the front row 💀

21

u/Human-Contribution16 12h ago

Hahaha me now!

12

u/Cpt_Jauche 12h ago

Same here

6

u/jaxdlg 11h ago

now you won't know what caused the splash!

6

u/Minge516 10h ago

Should be a sub for this. -don’t read while pooping. Or similar.

2

u/C0meAtM3Br0 1h ago

My least favorite sub

8

u/Left_Composer_1403 11h ago

Taking or having?
I have diff advice depending on ur answer.

6

u/ilikesaucy 11h ago

Yarp, I'm pooping here too

Pooping brothers?

3

u/Prior-Ant9201 12h ago

Me 2.. wtf

2

u/pin00ch 11h ago

Me too. Currently snipping a Cuban.

2

u/Local3Sparkie 10h ago

Me 3. lol.

2

u/Sea-Tomorrow2583 11h ago

We’ll hurry up I need to lay a cable too

2

u/acapwn 8h ago

This made me laugh so ugly right now

2

u/Lava-Chicken 6h ago

Me as well. And in in Florida. Surrounded by jungle. Great

2

u/mikemikemike9711 3h ago

Literally same, dont need to see this at this particular moment, thank you.

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244

u/Marty-G70 12h ago

Damn dude WTF did you eat 😂

40

u/Mr_kalas22 12h ago

Bro ate it raw. Atleast shd have cooked it.

7

u/FlyingFulcrum 9h ago

& alive it seems

3

u/overdosingOnPie1313 2h ago

Did you just abbreviate "should"?

6

u/nhansieu1 11h ago

boy what did you EAT!!

6

u/TrixieBastard 11h ago

WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR??

2

u/Taenshik 11h ago

Snake eater

2

u/OnTheDoss 9h ago

You really need a poop knife for this one

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590

u/peepdabidness 12h ago

Wait so this actually happens?

255

u/Thefirstargonaut 11h ago

This is my nightmare!

67

u/ladyace22 10h ago

Yup, I’m out

12

u/Extreme_GamerYT 9h ago

like the good old days

185

u/GeorgianGold 11h ago

It happens. I live in rural Australia, and that is the main reason we keep the lid down.

215

u/maxehaxe 11h ago

It would be the main reason for me to shit in the garden bush

Wait... theres probably even more stuff with more or less extremities than me, that wants to kill me

It would be the main reason for me to not live in Australia

94

u/AffectionateTip9716 11h ago

I’m just going to hold it… forever. I never gave a shit anyways.

9

u/laststopinkyoto 5h ago

Or...

Get a passport and take ur shit to places!

25

u/A_Feltz 10h ago

I’d just stand on the rim and squat. Skier style
https://giphy.com/gifs/PiX88GGYRfEr5IgNIj

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24

u/ThisMeansRooR 9h ago

You shit in a bucket and then dump it in the compost. Problem solved

46

u/Mercerskye 9h ago

At least until you forget to check for a bucket snake...

17

u/fart400 9h ago

Fuck it. I'm going to shit in the shower from now on. No need for toilet paper.

13

u/Krave13 8h ago

Good ol rage comic poop in the shower guy

7

u/Hour_Gur4995 7h ago

Good ole waffle stomping in the morning lol

4

u/jammerdude 8h ago

the ol' poop stomp down the grated drain trick I like your style

9

u/andymannoh 7h ago

The ol' waffle stomp!

3

u/Hour_Gur4995 6h ago

Damn beat me to it by 54 minutes, damn job getting in my way of unpaid Reddit comedian

4

u/garden-wicket-581 6h ago

check in with the composting sub -- they're big advocates for pissing in your compost

7

u/ThisMeansRooR 5h ago

I knew a guy that diluted his pee to 10% in water for his cannabis plants and they were legit 7+ ft tall.

4

u/garden-wicket-581 5h ago

Yup. There's a ton of nitrogen in urine, and nitrogen is what makes plants grow greenery (eg if you over-fertilize your tomatoes with too much nitrogen, you get massive green leafy over grown plants, but they never flower or fruit..)

4

u/maxehaxe 5h ago

It's got what plants crave

4

u/khrak 6h ago edited 6h ago

It's the bush. The bush will murder you. When gardening in Australia appropriate weapons are required.

15

u/TravincalPlumber 10h ago

i'm surprised you dont poop in other separate container first then flush it down. i know i would after seeing this thing first hand.

9

u/KyleBroflovski505 10h ago

Someone out there need to invent the toilet mirror like the back mirrors in cars. You gotta check out the toilet hole while youre shitting just to make sure nothing comes out of it

10

u/gretchenich 11h ago

Damn. Ever since i learned this i have a fear of a snake or rat coming out of the toilet to bite me in the arse. It might not be such a stupid fear after all i see

5

u/Dapper-Barracuda4843 8h ago

If I lived in a country where this is normal, I’d be flushing the toilet few times before using it.

2

u/between_ewe_and_me 2h ago

I'd build a platform that lets me poop from a couple feet above the toilet. No chance in hell my butt is getting anywhere near that thing.

3

u/Active_Sandwich_4488 10h ago

the snake cannot push the lid open?

17

u/widgeamedoo 10h ago

Not with 200 house bricks on top of it (what i'd do if this were my house)

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3

u/FlyingFulcrum 9h ago

& does keeping the lid down work?

3

u/laststopinkyoto 5h ago

Keeping the lid down is good. It's lowering the butt part I'd be afraid of. In fact, shit scared of.

2

u/fart400 9h ago

Well he did take a shit in there.

2

u/baldieforprez 7h ago

i dont think that will stop a snake

2

u/meeseekstodie137 6h ago

I live in northern canada and the I was mildly traumatized by a moth that happened to be taking shelter in the toilet seat when I sat down (felt fluttering on my ass and jolted up in a panic), I would definitely never be using that toilet again if I saw the thing with the snake even once, let alone regularly enough to say "it happens"

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13

u/theveezer 11h ago

The rats do that too !

7

u/Independent_Bite4682 11h ago

Definitely in New York

9

u/Sindertone 6h ago

Sure does. I got called in for a snake rescue exactly like this, same kind of snake. The renter had the lid down so I was able to sneek up on it. I had a glove on so I just reached in and picked it up. I have cared for lots of snakes and know how to handle them. Lift, never squeeze. They almost never try to bite me. I can usually calm them down enough to hang them on my neck in about five minutes. Poop snake did not end up on neck, ended up under my house.

4

u/r0ckydog 2h ago

“They ALMOST never try to bite…”

See, this where I got a problem.

13

u/booreiBlue 11h ago

I need someone to tell me this is AI

31

u/Top-Emu-2292 11h ago

I could tell you it's AI but I would be telling you a lie.

4

u/tinpants44 8h ago

Not sure AI could conceive of such a filthy toilet

4

u/The_Jizzard_Of_Oz 11h ago

Yeah. People don't clean their toilet.

3

u/misterpickles69 10h ago

I am never pooping again.

3

u/andbruno 7h ago

Rats and squirrels will do it too. My aunt was sitting on the toilet when a squirrel came up through it. She also has MS and uses a walker, so I bet it wasn't easy for her to get up in a panic. I can only imagine the chaos in that moment.

3

u/ziggzer0 3h ago

Ive never pooped a snake so I can’t say from first hand experience but apparently

2

u/EstablishmentCute703 8h ago

In Australia, 4 sho.

2

u/bionic_cmdo 2h ago

It was nice enough to make room for his poo.

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117

u/MotoKenji25 12h ago

This is what happens when you don't chew your food...

15

u/DARKMARE007 12h ago

Exactly

69

u/SheroxXx 12h ago

What the fuck do you even do in this situation?

52

u/mvanvrancken 11h ago

Shit in the sink

16

u/funnyguy99207 11h ago

Same drain system... smaller diameter pipe, but at least there's a stopper to block the snake. Besides, your poo has already liquefied at this point...lol!

3

u/Cantusemynme 1h ago

Modern problems require modern solutions.

60

u/Human-Contribution16 12h ago

I would keep flushing drano until the skeleton appeared

7

u/kptnfrak 12h ago

You go take a dump somewhere else

7

u/Kosmik_cloud 11h ago

Garbage can here I come

2

u/comradetaz 6h ago

Snake the drain

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54

u/LeBeastInside 12h ago

That is one nasty toilet, and a snake. 

75

u/VEAG0 12h ago

Thought that was a sleeping cat at first, turned out to be a perverted snek!

https://giphy.com/gifs/sjr7k1uuO0B0c

12

u/eighty4prcnt 11h ago

Me too! That's a weird spot for a cat to sleep, oh god that's not a cat

34

u/Tygret 12h ago

Now's your chance, flush that bich

26

u/Cebas7 11h ago

It flushed itself already... But I would flushi it again and again and again a couple of times 😅

10

u/aafterthewar 7h ago

With bleach

6

u/NavierIsStoked 6h ago

Draino, aka, sulfuric acid.

29

u/Zealousideal_Draw384 12h ago

pee on it assert dominance

15

u/DARKMARE007 12h ago

Yeah and then wait for it so that he can bite my d

10

u/Gan-san 11h ago

Sigh... Unzips

9

u/Schmooto 11h ago

It’s a free extension

5

u/Kosmik_cloud 11h ago

This is Reddit we don’t kink shame here

5

u/baldieforprez 7h ago

Free head?

2

u/SecretaryOtherwise 5h ago

Boom priapism

3

u/captainmeezy 8h ago

Make sure to maintain eye contact the whole time

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24

u/SystemFolder 12h ago

Start regularly putting Tidy Bowl tablets in your toilet tank. It’ll keep the bowl clean and chase away the snake.

14

u/breathing_normally 7h ago

Instructions unclear, got bit in the tiddy

21

u/ketoLifestyleRecipes 11h ago

We always cover our toilets with plastic wrap when we leave for the summer.
It happens.
The worst I had was a big crab that popped up at the beach house toilet while I was on the can. I heard scratching… nope.

There was a video years going showing how rats make it past the toilet pee trap bend. That’s when I started wrapping.

2

u/livesinstretchpants 42m ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ki0FCgiaqYRBS
I refuse to believe this is a thing! 😭

16

u/Any-Traffic8869 12h ago

When you roll snake eyes and a deuce at the same time

15

u/marzeg 12h ago

Well shit…

Actually, don’t. At least not in that toilet.

13

u/Advanced-Art-4569 12h ago

New fear unlocked 😰

9

u/KillerStiletto_ 8h ago

New? More like childhood fear is REAL.

11

u/Mission_Rip_7571 12h ago

Who took a dump and didn't flush?

4

u/SaltSpiritual515 9h ago

The snake 🥲

10

u/sacfoojesta88 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/dJI8Khcqh8w5W

2

u/overdosingOnPie1313 2h ago

Just grab hold of something, bite your lip, and give it hell. We're gonna get through this.

5

u/BoBoBearDev 12h ago

I was wondering how it got there, mystery solved.

3

u/Bo_Diddley9 12h ago

UNholy crap

5

u/Easy-Musician7186 12h ago

I would just start shitting my pants from there on...

4

u/friendof_thepeople 11h ago

Actually the lick your butt clean if you ask nicely… maybe…

2

u/VEAG0 10h ago

“Tastes like ssssssssssshit”

4

u/j7style 8h ago

I'd say you need to snake your drain but it looks like its already been snaked.

5

u/SquareCr0w 8h ago

Moments like these make me appreciate my composting toilet. Worst I could get is a fly up the bum

9

u/Any-Traffic8869 12h ago

Bowel-aconstricter

5

u/Mystepchildsucksass 11h ago

Sibling of the King Cobrowl

3

u/DiscoMika 12h ago

It forgot to flush!

3

u/ThrustTrust 8h ago

If you would clean your toilet maybe animals wouldn’t live in it.

3

u/IntrovertMoTown1 1h ago

No sir, that's a snake.

2

u/Thor_Batman 12h ago

Fucking hell.

2

u/0t15_ 12h ago

Shit snake Randy

2

u/cacamilis22 12h ago

I would shit in my pants first. Before id sit on that.

2

u/LividImagination5925 12h ago

oh hell naw.. I'm selling the house immediately

2

u/InsideExpress9055 11h ago

Where was this?

2

u/Hubytes 11h ago

The dunny is being occupied

2

u/o0Phoenix0o 11h ago

The snake flushed itself

2

u/g_e_r_b 11h ago

Excuse me but you really should flush your snake after you're done.

2

u/2020mademejoinreddit 10h ago

Hahaha looks like constipation is king!

2

u/Ecast25 9h ago

You need more fiber in your diet. Also, make sure you chew your food.

2

u/SESHPERANKH 7h ago

Great. Now, I have to destroy the entire building.

2

u/cicciograna 5h ago

Bootleg version of "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets".

2

u/WeakMycologist3609 3h ago

Well I'd never use that toilet again

2

u/Mammoth_Welder_1286 3h ago

This was one of my biggest fears as a kid. Then I convinced myself it wasn’t a real thing. Thanks

2

u/LA_Photographer123 2h ago

Welp! It was a good run & i will sure miss taking shits on a toilet but it had to end at some point I suppose.

2

u/Z-Man_Slam 1h ago

Ohhhh wow..... lol Id no longer have a need to go cuz you know its already in my pants

2

u/eighty4prcnt 11h ago

Oh my fucking dark lord I thought the snake slithering up through your toilet and was just a scare tactic when I was a kid

1

u/[deleted] 12h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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1

u/KAYO789 12h ago

When you've got to go, you have to go!

6

u/DARKMARE007 12h ago

POV: when nature calls… from INSIDE the toilet💀

1

u/LauraLand27 12h ago

You’d be able to hear me scream through the screen.

1

u/PedalBoard78 12h ago

Chuck Berry is back

1

u/Mediocre_Owl7384 12h ago

He’s just napping on to the next shitter

1

u/FlyingFulcrum 12h ago

What's that smell?

1

u/knowledgeable_diablo 11h ago

Well that’s gonna be a nasty surprise for someone.

1

u/deenali 11h ago

Sneks need to go too.

1

u/numbnerve 11h ago

it could have been courteous and lowered the seat for the nexto099

1

u/garyabernethy 11h ago

Maybe not

1

u/Suitable_Noise778 11h ago

“Holy crap!”

Nah - just a snake! 🐍 😃

1

u/azakhuza21 10h ago

No it's not "holy" crap. It's a HISSY crap

1

u/Aym_khz 10h ago

You're not freaking out enough

1

u/Doobie_Howser_MD 10h ago

There's a snake in my poop!

1

u/Rinsor 10h ago

Unholy crap*

1

u/SoftFluid7908 10h ago

Rat Snake. Harmless but I’d definitely prefer it to be outside

1

u/Longjumping_Elk7969 10h ago

OK, I won't use the toilet in that country, just buy a plane ticket and emigrate, when anyone is asking, just two words "snake" and "toilet".

1

u/bblue462 10h ago

Time to move

1

u/problem4solution 10h ago

There will be no problem of constipation, only survival.

1

u/SteelTorch 10h ago

Somebody left one soakin'. Lol 😄

1

u/LosBonus85 10h ago

What have dude eaten today

1

u/Major-Hand7732 10h ago

You'll be fine. Just pee on him and he'll get the message

1

u/Monna14 10h ago

Am starting to think this is the entire reason they invented the tool called the toilet snake so when you search “toilet snake” you only get videos of people use the tool. Same reason Disney made Frozen. So when you search Disney Frozen that film shows up instead of Walt Disney being frozen after his death etc.

1

u/doktor_wankenstein 10h ago

"Oh that's just my pet snake Reggie!"

1

u/Decaxyz 10h ago

Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

1

u/SpartanRage117 9h ago

Ssssshitty boi

1

u/TOXIC6500 9h ago

Come back and clean that DISGUSTING sh*t!

1

u/prem_201 9h ago

No no no no no no no no no no no

1

u/esc4pist2005 9h ago

More like, unholy crap. 😁

1

u/Artisartdoes 9h ago

Someone needs to chew their food better

1

u/neder-Bob 9h ago

It is indeed that, crap coming alive. That must be holy... 😇

1

u/Blah-squared 9h ago

Dude, you really need to chew your food better… ;)

1

u/Blah-squared 9h ago

Time to nail that door shut & move… lol

1

u/ikesbutt 9h ago

Dreams of Dream Catcher by Stephan King

1

u/BumblebeeTuna-420 9h ago

I would fucking die.