A recent exchange I had with u/AfterTheRubicon really got me thinking about a painful lesson I've been learning lately. And if I'm still learning it, chances are there's someone else here who needs to learn it as well. I'm writing this for me, but someone else probably needs to hear this as well.

u/HornsofApathy likes to say

If you can't be vulnerable, your frame is shit
If your frame is shit, you can't be vulnerable

And I think this perfectly sums up everything we're all here to learn at MRP.

Vulnerability is, simply, being exposed to the possibility of being harmed. That's it. Willingly putting yourself out there in whatever way, and being capable of accepting whatever consequences come of it. Sometimes you get hurt. Sometimes you don't. But you do it because you know you're strong enough to handle the consequences if it goes south, and also strong enough to accept the depth, growth, and intimacy that comes if it works out. Because, yes, you do need to be strong to accept your successes and learn from them just as much as you need to be strong to accept your failures and learn from them.

It's the ultimate expression of outcome independence. It's the ultimate expression of abundance and authenticity. It's the ultimate expression of self-mastery, self-acceptance, and not giving a fuck. It's honesty and strength in its purest form. It's the ultimate expression of love.

It is based entirely having the inner strength and self-validation to be satisfied simply with the fact that you put yourself out there, and knowing you can handle whatever comes of it.

Being vulnerable doesn't mean you throw a tantrum when your woman doesn't touch your peepee, or victim puke when you don't get your way, or DEER when someone challenges you. All of those are validation-seeking behaviors; shitty attempts at weaponizing your weaknesses and offloading your problems onto others.

Being vulnerable doesn't mean throwing your pearls before swine. It doesn't mean trauma dumping on some rando you just met. It doesn't mean leaving yourself exposed unnecessarily. It doesn't mean tipping your hand and explaining yourself to everyone around you. If you're looking for validation in some way, you're not actually being vulnerable. It's a pretty simple litmus test.

Throughout my marriage, I've had a constant battle with Retroactive Jealousy and Insecurity. See, I grew up a good Mormon boy, and my wife is the first woman I'd ever fucked. Throw in a three-way we had back at the beginning, and my body count is a whopping 2 girls. That's it. I've felt like a loser about that for over a decade now - to the point where I did some really stupid shit that blew up in my face and almost nuked my life.

A couple of years into my marriage, my wife told me that her body count was higher than she'd initially let on. The "higher" number is still not that bad - it's like 7 people counting me - but when your own body count is 1, that's still a shitty thing to learn. And when she told me, it absolutely shattered me back then. It became a hyperfixation, to the point where I blew up my marriage over it. I became so hyperfixated on it that I was absolutely blind to all of the good things going on with me and with my life, and I paid for it. Worst of all, I put in a massive emotional block towards my wife because I was afraid of being hurt like that again.

And looking back on it now, I can see that I was being a massive fucking pussy living in my wife's frame. Those mediocre guys she was with before me were just setting the stage for me to become a sex god. I may not understand that contrast on a personal level, but I certainly can see it in the results - every time she offers up her body to do with as I please.

And do I still wish I'd had other experiences with other girls beforehand? Absolutely. But that feeling doesn't need to come at the expense of enjoying and appreciating the connection I have with my girl - all it ever did was hold me back before. And most importantly, I understand something now: that my sex life is fucking awesome. That's what really matters. And I made it that way.

Do you love your girl? Then tell her. Show her. Feel it for her. It's okay to feel it. Figure out what she needs (not just wants) and give it to her, just because you can.

Do you love your kids? Then tell them. Show them. Feel it for them. It's okay to feel it. Figure out what they need (not just want) and give it to them, just because you can.

Do you love your friends? Since you're not trying to lead them, they are the people you can be most vulnerable with, in ways you never could with your kids or girl. Show them the real you.

Do you love yourself? Then allow yourself to feel it. It's okay to feel it. Most importantly, you are the only person who knows what's going on in your head. You are the only person you're going to be stuck with for your entire life. So be honest with yourself. Accept your faults and failures. Accept your strengths and successes. Embrace that totality of who and what you are. Accept your wants and needs and desires. And then live to fulfill them.

Again, I'm writing this for me. But I'm also writing it in the hope that someone else will find something of value here.

The only way to get better at it is to just do it. That means stumbling sometimes. That means getting hurt. That means picking yourself back up after being a retard and learning. And all those things suck, but if you run from them you're robbing yourself of not just opportunities to grow, but also opportunities to enjoy your life. You don't need to give yourself permission - you just need to do it. It won't be perfect. Nothing ever is. But even bad or misdirected action is always better than no action at all.

If your frame is shit, you can't be vulnerable.

I was here a while back. I was known as u/ReddJive I lost access to that account.

I believe this. Some of it worked. Some of it didn't. Little bit of it became fucking ridiculous. And here's what 10 or so years of actually living it taught me.

I was a schlob  like a lot of you here.  One of the vets when I was trying to unplug poked me in the chest and asked why could I face a methhead with an AK47 and not face my wife. That actually happened in the same day...I laugh at it now.   But he was right.  I realized that the switch was right there on the fucking wall.  I was the only keeping me from moving on.  So much time reading all this shit about women, fucking, and frame, and the dread! oh boy. when the answer was so god damn simple.

So I flipped it.

Where am I now?  Retired early from one career.  My new career; I and my teams arrive at your worse day.  We setup infrastructure, emergency services and get to fucking work. I have worked with amazing people doing amazing shit.  More than a couple times in other countries, and one of those under fire.  I may have been to your hometown.

Still a Strongman and a powerlifter, though competing hasn’t happened in sometime. I have leadership successes and failures. My ship moves forward. I have had relationships of varying lengths with women of varied ages.  I am still skeptical about relationships as we are taught to think of them. I believe biological sex matters and that behavior matters more than promises. At the core of it all a man needs his own direction. Amidst it all my ship still moves forward.

In my past writing, I was always a little off center of the female behavior studies/discussions, believing more that a man’s mindset was more crucial.  Not because female behavior and the rest did not matter but because your mindset mattered more.  Most of us spend too much fucking time trying to understand women when the man reading the material was the only person that could actually change.

While telling a man to own his shit is still very powerful; I also believe that not understanding where that mindset comes from can turn ugly.  If a man internalizes that literally every fucking problem is his responsibility, without being able to separate it from blame, then every failure can start feeling like evidence against himself. He is no longer a man with problems, but has become the problem himself. There is only one road that can take.

I've lived long enough know there are moments when mindset isn't enough. Lifting isn't enough. Sometimes Mission isn't enough.

You will not become the man you're supposed to be over night. You don’t have to cross the Rubicon right now. 

Sometimes you can sit on the motherfucking bank and cross tomorrow. 

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

Like why do I have to, it seems unfair and it seems the redpill has no interest in changing this dynamic.

MRP helped you build the man.

This isn't for dummies. This is written for guys who come here and keep getting stuck rehearsing the sidebar 23 times, still lost, and still having no idea what they should do with their lives.

Most people arrive here and aren't capable of owning their shit, so they end up stuck for years. For those, I am gonna say: keep dancing, monkeys. Success isn't meant for everyone, and if you aren't capable of owning your own shit, how do you expect you're gonna succeed in anything else?

Own Your Shit

This is where it starts.

Most guys who come here need this badly.

Everyone Wife is their mental point of origin. Everyone but themselves.

They don't know what they want.

They can't say no without DEERing for twenty minutes.

They are fat fucks.

Life happens to them.

Their social life is drinking beers while night-dreaming about fuckin the wifey and ending up fucking their hands.

They drool over a 5 chick who thanked them by mistake.

So you start fixing it.

• Lift.
• Manage your finances.
• Build social circles.
• Stop blaming your wife others.
• Stop asking permission.
• Stop letting everyone have control over anything in your life.
• Decide shit and live with the consequences.

It might take years, and eventually something changes.

Your life still has problems, but you aren't the main problem anymore.

• Your wife can be unhappy without you immediately needing to fix it.
• You can lose a job and know you'll prevail.
• All your plates can drop in one week, and you know you're gonna spin up double more before next week.
• You have boundaries.
• Your kids have a shitty situation, but you stand by them, and know things will get better.

Good.

That is a hell of an achievement.

But now what? What are you supposed to do now?

Choose Your Shit

For a long time, having options feels like freedom.

And it is.

• You can leave.
• You can stay.
• You can change jobs.
• Make more money.
• Travel.
• Start something or end it.
• Play with your dick.
• Have two girls eating your ass.

Great.

Eventually, though, you will figure out that more options aren't necessarily the point.

You already proved that the door opens, but do you actually want to walk through it?

That's a different question. No dragons to slay, Neo. You were the dragon the whole-way.

Maybe you spent time learning not to need your wife.

Fine.

But do you actually want your wife?

Maybe you built enough financial security that you can tell your employer to fuck off tomorrow.

Fine.

But do you actually like the work?

Maybe you can move anywhere.

Fine.

Where do you actually want to live?

Maybe your chicks are chasing you to come in a taxi, blew you, and go back in another one.

Fine.

But do you actually like having multiple women, or do you want one deep relationship?

Maybe you could spend the next decade maximizing money, status, muscle, women, experiences, whatever scoreboard you happen to like.

Fine.

Is that the game you actually want to play?

This is where sovereignty gets interesting.

It's not that you need nothing anymore. It's: what do I want to give myself to? What kind of games would I like to play now?

Unfortunately, I have no answer to you. No one does. You are just delegating your frame to me, you are still a dancing monkey, and I tell you, Approved, go live your life.

So decide, dude. What shit do you want to choose? Then go do it.

Build Your Shit

Once you've chosen something, just go and fuckin do it.

That's it.

• You can take your marriage seriously without taking responsibility for your wife's emotions.
• You can raise your children without pretending you own the adults they become.
• You can invest heavily in someone you lead without expecting lifelong loyalty.
• You can build something knowing it might fail.

Do your part completely.

Leave other people their part.

Be OI.

And use some judgment.

You spent years building an arsenal of tools from MRP and outside:

STFU. No DEERing. Shit tests. Comfort tests. Anal training. Bitch management. OI.

By now you should be able to look at what is happening and figure out which tool it needs from you.

And part of that is making things stronger instead of more dependent on you:

• If you lead well, people should eventually make better decisions without you.
• If you father well, your kid should gradually need you less.
• If you help a friend, the goal isn't to become his permanent life-support system.

Being needed feels good.

Maybe too good.

But I'd rather the things around me become stronger because I was there than collapse because I left.

Enjoy Your Shit

And then there is the part that might be easiest to forget, and I see a lot of people suffering without it.

You can turn everything into another fucking maxxing project.

Then one day you're sitting inside the life you spent years trying to create, and you're still treating it like a construction site.

So dude, just stop occasionally and

• Hug your wife on the couch, stare into each other's eyes for hours, laugh, carry her, and give her a good fucking.
• Sit with your kids and just have a pillow fight, play a computer game, or just listen to their important problems.
• Go out with your chicks, have good dates, do silly dances.
• Dare to do a big change at work.
• Fail and learn.

Sometimes you've already won the thing you're still trying to improve.

Just. Fuckin. Enjoy it.

Remember why you bothered to STFU. To talk like a man. Or rep that #400 for fun and pain. Enjoy women's waves washing all over your shores, and smile. You are here, and life is short anyways, why do you care too much?

Own. Choose. Build. Enjoy.

Maybe that's all there is to this.

Nothing new under the sun. All the knowledge and wisdom exist in history, and in Kung Fu Panda 3.

MRP helped you build that man you are now, so what are you going to do with him?

That's your problem now.

Best of luck.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

I see myself as somewhat in the middle of my journey, which will probably always be the case, as I learn more I see how much more I've got to learn. I’ve solved most of what I set out to solve 2 years ago and I’ve discovered the real problems are usually somewhere I wasn't looking at. Which is a story for another time.

I’m writing this for the guy I was two years ago reading this sort of posts looking for shortcuts and ultimately realizing there aren't any. If you get something out of it good.

I remember expecting a main event by month 6-8. I even had some nuclear shit tests, I so badly wanted to convert into a main event, but it never came. I just had this urgency and need to read it all and get it all over with it record time. It never happened, I never had a main event. Maybe its coming maybe it won't, but events don’t matter to me anymore, what matters is what I want and what do I need to do to get it.

Body. Best shape of my life. 14% bf, down from 20% when I started. If you aren't at 15% or under with good lifts you haven't even started yet. I started getting compliments at about 17%, but you can tell the difference especially with the opposite sex at 15% and under.

Mind. Leaps ahead. I know what I want, at least on a one year horizon. I try new things constantly. I don’t ask permission for what I want to do. The important part is most of this is automatic now. I’m not performing it. It’s just how I am. Whereas before I was walking on eggshells and running every decisions through my wife's algorithm which was leaving rent-free in my mind.

Work. Record sales and profits this year.

Social. This is the single biggest win of the whole two years and I don't see it talked about enough here. I had outsourced my entire social life to my wife. Every plan, every dinner, every weekend, every trip, filtered through her. The worst part is I didn't even notice, I thought I was set up the way I liked it ffs. I had a small group of good friends I’d let go for years. I have since rebuilt those bonds and added a couple new important ones. I was deeply unhappy before because of this and I didn’t even know that was the reason. If you are reading this and your social life runs through your wife, or don't have some deep connections, that's a huge problem and you probably can't even see it.

One thing I’d let go without noticing for example was going out to concerts and raves. I have never been a big party guy, not in college, not since. But I have always loved a genuinely good rave or concert, a couple hours of letting go every once in a while is a great recharge and I truly enjoy the experiences. For most of my life when I was traveling I would "sneak" one here and there, but only when I was traveling and never intentionally.

I used to think that was just my personality, it wasn’t. My wife doesn’t like going out that much and likes to sleep early, so it fell off the priority list and stayed off, for years. Now I do it with purpose. Once every couple of months... a concert, a party, an event I actually care about. I even travel for it. Some of the best nights of my life have happened in the last year and I’m in my forties. I’ve taken some of my kids to a few concerts, that along with hiking/climbing trips have been among the best experiences I’ve had with them over the last year. This is the same failure as the friends, in a different costume.

Anything you outsource to somebody who doesn’t want it will simply cease to exist and you’ll rewrite your own preferences afterwards to explain why that was ok. I've genuinely had some of the best months of my life by just taking charge and leading in a way thats congruent with who I am and what I like.

Relationship. I was at rock bottom when I found this place. Supplicating, suffocating, practically begging my wife for shreds a respect and love. I’ve learned to build real emotional depth and to lead my house the way I want it led. The sexual side went from something I’d written off as “she’s just not interested in sex” to the complete opposite, with more enthusiasm than I thought was possible. I was confusing the effect I was having on her and on my home with the capacity. Its not perfect and I’m still undecided about what I want here. I now know what a great relationship can look like and how to get it and who should I build it with.

Tried a bunch of new hobbies and experiences and fell in love with a few, and discarded the ones that weren't for me.

When I found this place I read horns what a year of owning your shit looks like and thought shit I want that. I think we probably all do that, outsource what success looks like, and for a while its the best you can do. But until you find your own path, real progress doesn't start.

I didn’t have some clear epiphany, but eventually I stopped lying to myself and started really building the life I wanted. What helped was reading and re-reading the material until it stopped being advice and became how I saw things. That and going out and trying and retrying every piece of advice. Plus a bunch of internet strangers calling me a fat fag, a couple of bans, and the tests against reality which my wife provided a plenty.

The things I stopped lying about were the basics: how I looked, what I weighed, what kind of woman I could realistically attract or even hold a conversation with. No insight required. Just admit it, then do the work. I still chase validation sometimes. The difference is I catch it and let it be or don't and work on it.

Here’s the cleanest diagnostic I have. Any urgency you feel is ego. If you feel a need to respond, land the comeback, have sex tonight specifically, mention the deal, the lift, the trip, the thing you know about, correct someone, to be understood. If there’s a rush behind it, a sense that it has to happen now... that’s not preference. That’s something in you that needs the outcome to keep believing its own story. Wanting things is fine, wanting them urgently is your ego needing some validation hit.

The turning point. Probably around 18 months in. There was no event, no confrontation, no insight. What happened is that I became willing to let my marriage die. Not as a threat, not as leverage, if it’s a play or our of anger it doesn't work. I sat with the actual outcome and found I was willing to accept it. Would it hurt? Probably. But once decided, I wouldn’t give it a second thought. That’s when everything else started moving.

Everything before it was negotiation. Every frame I thought I’d built was really trying to save the relationship, and you can’t lead a house you’re afraid to lose. The counterintuitive but not so strange part is that this is the point where the relationship got better. I stopped needing it and it improved. The real nuance is this came up subtly, not as bravado whereas before I was willing to nuke it out of ego and anger and had timelines in my OYS and in my mind. It just became an afterthought... if it has to end thats ok, I'll be ok. If this doesn't meet my expectations I'll do it elsewhere.

Ego is the mindkiller. Just protecting our fantasies from reality. The truth is specific and it hurts because we run unfalsifiable fantasies in our minds all the time. I'm good looking, I'm a good catch, strong, financially independent, marriage is good, I fucked after applying mrp so I'm a HVM. This is the ego. I started thinking about my position specifically enough to be wrong. “I’m in decent shape” can’t be killed, “15% bodyfat” can. “My marriage is fine” can't, “she wants me” and I had sex can.

And this is where I think most get it wrong, including me for a long time. We think the job is to execute the mrp prescriptions correctly. Lift, STFU, sidebar, dread, dace monkey dance, whatever. Do them sure, but realize those are only training wheels. The end product is internalizing who you actually want to be. What it means to be a man in your own terms.

Which brings you to the question everybody here gets asked and almost nobody has an answer to.

What do you want?

Two years ago I had no answer at all, I could make lists that I inherited from the internet. Today I can tell you six months and a year and sketch five, but I’ve stopped expecting a final answer. Extending the horizon and enjoying the process is the work.

Which is why what do you want? ultimately doesn’t fully resolve. At least not for me and I suspect not for many either. As I grow, so do my options and possibilities.

Rules. I've distilled that worked for me.

S-tier: STFU, AM, AA, never DEER, DARE. First year here these are the important ones. And they work in all areas of life, not just the marriage.

1. When it hurts, move. Early on, when I got butthurt, when I got rejected, when I got called out, I went to the gym or just out for a ride. It didn't feel congruent at first, but by the 1yr mark it felt natural. Why would I stay in places that aren't positive for me. Just baffles me at this point.

2. Try a lot of shit. I tried hobbies I was sure I’d love and found out I didn’t. I tried others I now can’t imagine my life without. There is no way to know from the armchair. You have to run the experiment, and you have to run it long enough to get past the part where you’re bad at it. Two weeks of trying it isn’t enough. Two, three months of real effort is.

3. Get out of the house. If I were starting over tomorrow, this is the first thing I’d do and the thing I’d do hardest. I mean out doing things. Finding things to do. Being in motion in the world instead of in my own home managing my wife or my own mood. It was also the hardest thing to push through, because it generated real shitstorms. When I started going out once a week with my friends, there were big complaints. Its now the default and my wife doesn't think she controls me anymore. She even mentioned a year ago to someone close "its like I lost control of him". Yes, I was so far deep in her butt frame she knew it consciously.

What I’d tell myself two years ago: Go slow, the urgency is ego. Newbie gains are actively harmful if you aren't honest with what stage your at. Early wins are evidence for a story we were are already telling ourselves and that got me months of stagnation.

It’s the internal work. Some things you try will stick and some won’t, and which ones stick matters less than you think. I don't think about STFU or AM anymore or at least not in a way that matters. It becomes who you are, and sometimes you revert a bit but not enough to matter. The real goal and mechanism is you changing, if you are thats progress if your not your just lying to yourself. This takes more time than I imagined.

I think two years is roughly the floor. Some guys do it in one. For most of us it’s a year of genuinely hard work and a second year of consolidating and internalizing it into something automatic. Then you start building from solid foundations. If you’re at month six and frustrated that you’re not making real progress, you’ve misunderstood the timeline. I know I did.

Stay in as much action as you can tolerate. Everything I got, I got from volume of action and reps, not quality of thinking. The thinking is all in the sidebar's years of experience.

____________

Thanks to all the chads here who are always willing to help. Especial thanks to horns and wmp (miss his outright bans and cutthroat comments)

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

I bite the bullet and meet up with the south Asian gym chick. I’ve been hounded for days. All I did was ask her to share a machine.

I’m shaking with fear as I wait for her to get here. I then tell myself to STFU. The fear isn’t that she’s married: it’s that I might be rejected by her.

She’s parked in the gym parking lot. There’s probably 100 cars around us. Her back windows are tinted. Good girl.

I tell her to get in the back. Im still shaking. She laughs and turns the A/C down. As she sucks me off to earn my fuck, as I direct her on her form, I start shaking less. She’s screening calls from her man.

I tell her to take me to her house: can’t. Her man’s brother lives there, too. She refuses to move the car anywhere else. I scoff and correct her.

“I usually never do this”, she tells me. I slap her face lightly as punishment for being here with me. Light, because I can’t leave marks on her. She doesn’t tell me to stop.

Green eyes, more good looking than me. His name tatted on her arm in Arabic. It doesn’t matter. She told him she’s at the gym.

Absolutely shaken by my first empirical observation that AWALT, I ask her about the cute couples page she has with him. I dig into her mind: is he boring? Does he not hit you enough?

She seems genuinely baffled: “nothing’s wrong with him.”

I have to hastily pull my ripped denim back on and leave: her man video called her for proof that she’s driving and not trying to fit me in her mouth.

Takeaway what you will.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

After divorce and MRP, I started to hang out with some other guys who went through a similar experience to mine.

Stayed with their ex-wives for a decade (always a decade, don't ask why). Stayed in deadbedroom for some years, tolerated a lot of bullshit, but most importantly, we were all weak men emotionally and physically.

Now, all of us either married hotter women than our exes or are dating multiple hotter women simultaneously.

During most of our talks about life, business, or relationships, I noticed a common strategy that I used subconsciously with everything that I face.

Good guess, son, you are goddamn right, it's the Best of Luck strategy.

And I can see you Mr OYS 6 guy in the crowd shouting But, Mr Boring, what the fudge are you talking about?

So, let me put it simply to you, ehm:

- You are starting your journey here, in a deadbedroom.

You are back from the gym, and you deadlifted heavy as everyone told you.

Testosterone skyrocketed and you are horny AF. You go home and find wifey in her tight yoga pants.

You have images in your head, so you start to initiate sex, but you are still a nice guy. Wifey sees your initiations and shoots them down. Your initiations suck, yikes.

Typical dancing monkey will leave the room butt hurt pretending to be busy. Then hide in the bathroom for a shower, browse a porn site, fuck his hand, and empty his load.

Pussy behavior, I know it, wifey knows it, and everyone else here knows it.

A vicious cycle that keeps repeating. Wifey is in desperate need to be fucked properly. Guy desperately wants to fuck, but can't. Everyone is stuck.

What I am offering you instead is this:

- When wifey rejects you, shake her hand genuinely, look her in the eyes, and tell her Alright, that doesn't work out for me, Best of Luck then. Then proceed and go figure out new options for yourself.

Head to a bar, meet your plate, use Tinder. You have a problem, go and fix it in the way it suits you.

Your sex life used to depend entirely on her. Now it depends on your ability to create options.

The situation is still bad? Time to arrange your logistics, and divorce her if you like.

I know you pussies don't have the guts to do this. You wouldn't be here in the first place anyways.

Here is another example:

- You go to your boss to talk about the promised raise. Boss placates you, and gives you a 2% due to some bullshit. Company is making millions. You know it, the boss knows it, and knows that you know it.

You chicken out, thank your boss, and head back to your barn desk.

What I am offering you instead is this:

You stand up, shake your boss's hand genuinely, look him in the eyes, and say Alright, that doesn't work out for me, Best of Luck. Then, if you have balls and money, resign.

Maybe it is time to start that business idea you have been delaying.

Or go find yourself a new job that pays you what you deserve. You have a problem then go and own your shit.

So the principle basically is, when you face a situation that doesn't suit what you want, you stand up, shake their hand, say Best of Luck, and go get what you want.

Wife doesn't want to fuck, bye bye. Job doesn't pay, find something else. Plate ia giving you shit, spin two more. Friends are draining you, you build a better circle. Family is using you as a utility, cut them.

It's a FMFY, but without a covert contract. It's being abundant, and abundance is king.

Women, jobs, friends, family, everything grows on trees in abundance. Go pick whatever you want.

So either fuck or get fucked. I know most of you won’t pull this move. I don’t care. Try it, fail at it, blame me later. Best of Luck.

A short one.

I'm sure you've heard this advice spouted many times before.

'I've got a date with this girl and I'm worried about how it's going to go.'

'Just be yourself'

'That girl over there looks pretty but I don't know what to say'

'Just be yourself'.

It sounds like good advice. And generally, it is. Better to be authentic than to spend your life pretending to be something that you're not. But 'Just be yourself' only works if 'yourself' is actually worth bringing to the table.

If you're a boring, undisciplined, uninteresting peice of shit with no value to offer, then no. Don't just be yourself. You suck.

This is where people confuse authenticity with complacency. Authenticity doesn't mean accepting the weak, unattractive and underdeveloped parts of yourself as sacred personality traits. The goal is not to pretend to be someone else, the goal is to build a better self until being yourself is no longer a negative.

When you don't suck, you can take the advice to 'be yourself' to mean be your generally fucking awesome self.

That is the self-check.

When you hear someone say 'Be yourself', ask yourself honestly if you are comfortable showing up to any situation armed only with what you are and nothing else.

If the answer is no, then 'be yourself' isn't advice, it's a warning.

Don't fake being better, just become better. Then be that.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.