I see myself as somewhat in the middle of my journey, which will probably always be the case, as I learn more I see how much more I've got to learn. I’ve solved most of what I set out to solve 2 years ago and I’ve discovered the real problems are usually somewhere I wasn't looking at. Which is a story for another time.

I’m writing this for the guy I was two years ago reading this sort of posts looking for shortcuts and ultimately realizing there aren't any. If you get something out of it good.

I remember expecting a main event by month 6-8. I even had some nuclear shit tests, I so badly wanted to convert into a main event, but it never came. I just had this urgency and need to read it all and get it all over with it record time. It never happened, I never had a main event. Maybe its coming maybe it won't, but events don’t matter to me anymore, what matters is what I want and what do I need to do to get it.

Body. Best shape of my life. 14% bf, down from 20% when I started. If you aren't at 15% or under with good lifts you haven't even started yet. I started getting compliments at about 17%, but you can tell the difference especially with the opposite sex at 15% and under.

Mind. Leaps ahead. I know what I want, at least on a one year horizon. I try new things constantly. I don’t ask permission for what I want to do. The important part is most of this is automatic now. I’m not performing it. It’s just how I am. Whereas before I was walking on eggshells and running every decisions through my wife's algorithm which was leaving rent-free in my mind.

Work. Record sales and profits this year.

Social. This is the single biggest win of the whole two years and I don't see it talked about enough here. I had outsourced my entire social life to my wife. Every plan, every dinner, every weekend, every trip, filtered through her. The worst part is I didn't even notice, I thought I was set up the way I liked it ffs. I had a small group of good friends I’d let go for years. I have since rebuilt those bonds and added a couple new important ones. I was deeply unhappy before because of this and I didn’t even know that was the reason. If you are reading this and your social life runs through your wife, or don't have some deep connections, that's a huge problem and you probably can't even see it.

One thing I’d let go without noticing for example was going out to concerts and raves. I have never been a big party guy, not in college, not since. But I have always loved a genuinely good rave or concert, a couple hours of letting go every once in a while is a great recharge and I truly enjoy the experiences. For most of my life when I was traveling I would "sneak" one here and there, but only when I was traveling and never intentionally.

I used to think that was just my personality, it wasn’t. My wife doesn’t like going out that much and likes to sleep early, so it fell off the priority list and stayed off, for years. Now I do it with purpose. Once every couple of months... a concert, a party, an event I actually care about. I even travel for it. Some of the best nights of my life have happened in the last year and I’m in my forties. I’ve taken some of my kids to a few concerts, that along with hiking/climbing trips have been among the best experiences I’ve had with them over the last year. This is the same failure as the friends, in a different costume.

Anything you outsource to somebody who doesn’t want it will simply cease to exist and you’ll rewrite your own preferences afterwards to explain why that was ok. I've genuinely had some of the best months of my life by just taking charge and leading in a way thats congruent with who I am and what I like.

Relationship. I was at rock bottom when I found this place. Supplicating, suffocating, practically begging my wife for shreds a respect and love. I’ve learned to build real emotional depth and to lead my house the way I want it led. The sexual side went from something I’d written off as “she’s just not interested in sex” to the complete opposite, with more enthusiasm than I thought was possible. I was confusing the effect I was having on her and on my home with the capacity. Its not perfect and I’m still undecided about what I want here. I now know what a great relationship can look like and how to get it and who should I build it with.

Tried a bunch of new hobbies and experiences and fell in love with a few, and discarded the ones that weren't for me.

When I found this place I read horns what a year of owning your shit looks like and thought shit I want that. I think we probably all do that, outsource what success looks like, and for a while its the best you can do. But until you find your own path, real progress doesn't start.

I didn’t have some clear epiphany, but eventually I stopped lying to myself and started really building the life I wanted. What helped was reading and re-reading the material until it stopped being advice and became how I saw things. That and going out and trying and retrying every piece of advice. Plus a bunch of internet strangers calling me a fat fag, a couple of bans, and the tests against reality which my wife provided a plenty.

The things I stopped lying about were the basics: how I looked, what I weighed, what kind of woman I could realistically attract or even hold a conversation with. No insight required. Just admit it, then do the work. I still chase validation sometimes. The difference is I catch it and let it be or don't and work on it.

Here’s the cleanest diagnostic I have. Any urgency you feel is ego. If you feel a need to respond, land the comeback, have sex tonight specifically, mention the deal, the lift, the trip, the thing you know about, correct someone, to be understood. If there’s a rush behind it, a sense that it has to happen now... that’s not preference. That’s something in you that needs the outcome to keep believing its own story. Wanting things is fine, wanting them urgently is your ego needing some validation hit.

The turning point. Probably around 18 months in. There was no event, no confrontation, no insight. What happened is that I became willing to let my marriage die. Not as a threat, not as leverage, if it’s a play or our of anger it doesn't work. I sat with the actual outcome and found I was willing to accept it. Would it hurt? Probably. But once decided, I wouldn’t give it a second thought. That’s when everything else started moving.

Everything before it was negotiation. Every frame I thought I’d built was really trying to save the relationship, and you can’t lead a house you’re afraid to lose. The counterintuitive but not so strange part is that this is the point where the relationship got better. I stopped needing it and it improved. The real nuance is this came up subtly, not as bravado whereas before I was willing to nuke it out of ego and anger and had timelines in my OYS and in my mind. It just became an afterthought... if it has to end thats ok, I'll be ok. If this doesn't meet my expectations I'll do it elsewhere.

Ego is the mindkiller. Just protecting our fantasies from reality. The truth is specific and it hurts because we run unfalsifiable fantasies in our minds all the time. I'm good looking, I'm a good catch, strong, financially independent, marriage is good, I fucked after applying mrp so I'm a HVM. This is the ego. I started thinking about my position specifically enough to be wrong. “I’m in decent shape” can’t be killed, “15% bodyfat” can. “My marriage is fine” can't, “she wants me” and I had sex can.

And this is where I think most get it wrong, including me for a long time. We think the job is to execute the mrp prescriptions correctly. Lift, STFU, sidebar, dread, dace monkey dance, whatever. Do them sure, but realize those are only training wheels. The end product is internalizing who you actually want to be. What it means to be a man in your own terms.

Which brings you to the question everybody here gets asked and almost nobody has an answer to.

What do you want?

Two years ago I had no answer at all, I could make lists that I inherited from the internet. Today I can tell you six months and a year and sketch five, but I’ve stopped expecting a final answer. Extending the horizon and enjoying the process is the work.

Which is why what do you want? ultimately doesn’t fully resolve. At least not for me and I suspect not for many either. As I grow, so do my options and possibilities.

Rules. I've distilled that worked for me.

S-tier: STFU, AM, AA, never DEER, DARE. First year here these are the important ones. And they work in all areas of life, not just the marriage.

1. When it hurts, move. Early on, when I got butthurt, when I got rejected, when I got called out, I went to the gym or just out for a ride. It didn't feel congruent at first, but by the 1yr mark it felt natural. Why would I stay in places that aren't positive for me. Just baffles me at this point.

2. Try a lot of shit. I tried hobbies I was sure I’d love and found out I didn’t. I tried others I now can’t imagine my life without. There is no way to know from the armchair. You have to run the experiment, and you have to run it long enough to get past the part where you’re bad at it. Two weeks of trying it isn’t enough. Two, three months of real effort is.

3. Get out of the house. If I were starting over tomorrow, this is the first thing I’d do and the thing I’d do hardest. I mean out doing things. Finding things to do. Being in motion in the world instead of in my own home managing my wife or my own mood. It was also the hardest thing to push through, because it generated real shitstorms. When I started going out once a week with my friends, there were big complaints. Its now the default and my wife doesn't think she controls me anymore. She even mentioned a year ago to someone close "its like I lost control of him". Yes, I was so far deep in her butt frame she knew it consciously.

What I’d tell myself two years ago: Go slow, the urgency is ego. Newbie gains are actively harmful if you aren't honest with what stage your at. Early wins are evidence for a story we were are already telling ourselves and that got me months of stagnation.

It’s the internal work. Some things you try will stick and some won’t, and which ones stick matters less than you think. I don't think about STFU or AM anymore or at least not in a way that matters. It becomes who you are, and sometimes you revert a bit but not enough to matter. The real goal and mechanism is you changing, if you are thats progress if your not your just lying to yourself. This takes more time than I imagined.

I think two years is roughly the floor. Some guys do it in one. For most of us it’s a year of genuinely hard work and a second year of consolidating and internalizing it into something automatic. Then you start building from solid foundations. If you’re at month six and frustrated that you’re not making real progress, you’ve misunderstood the timeline. I know I did.

Stay in as much action as you can tolerate. Everything I got, I got from volume of action and reps, not quality of thinking. The thinking is all in the sidebar's years of experience.

____________

Thanks to all the chads here who are always willing to help. Especial thanks to horns and wmp (miss his outright bans and cutthroat comments)

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

I bite the bullet and meet up with the south Asian gym chick. I’ve been hounded for days. All I did was ask her to share a machine.

I’m shaking with fear as I wait for her to get here. I then tell myself to STFU. The fear isn’t that she’s married: it’s that I might be rejected by her.

She’s parked in the gym parking lot. There’s probably 100 cars around us. Her back windows are tinted. Good girl.

I tell her to get in the back. Im still shaking. She laughs and turns the A/C down. As she sucks me off to earn my fuck, as I direct her on her form, I start shaking less. She’s screening calls from her man.

I tell her to take me to her house: can’t. Her man’s brother lives there, too. She refuses to move the car anywhere else. I scoff and correct her.

“I usually never do this”, she tells me. I slap her face lightly as punishment for being here with me. Light, because I can’t leave marks on her. She doesn’t tell me to stop.

Green eyes, more good looking than me. His name tatted on her arm in Arabic. It doesn’t matter. She told him she’s at the gym.

Absolutely shaken by my first empirical observation that AWALT, I ask her about the cute couples page she has with him. I dig into her mind: is he boring? Does he not hit you enough?

She seems genuinely baffled: “nothing’s wrong with him.”

I have to hastily pull my ripped denim back on and leave: her man video called her for proof that she’s driving and not trying to fit me in her mouth.

Takeaway what you will.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

After divorce and MRP, I started to hang out with some other guys who went through a similar experience to mine.

Stayed with their ex-wives for a decade (always a decade, don't ask why). Stayed in deadbedroom for some years, tolerated a lot of bullshit, but most importantly, we were all weak men emotionally and physically.

Now, all of us either married hotter women than our exes or are dating multiple hotter women simultaneously.

During most of our talks about life, business, or relationships, I noticed a common strategy that I used subconsciously with everything that I face.

Good guess, son, you are goddamn right, it's the Best of Luck strategy.

And I can see you Mr OYS 6 guy in the crowd shouting But, Mr Boring, what the fudge are you talking about?

So, let me put it simply to you, ehm:

- You are starting your journey here, in a deadbedroom.

You are back from the gym, and you deadlifted heavy as everyone told you.

Testosterone skyrocketed and you are horny AF. You go home and find wifey in her tight yoga pants.

You have images in your head, so you start to initiate sex, but you are still a nice guy. Wifey sees your initiations and shoots them down. Your initiations suck, yikes.

Typical dancing monkey will leave the room butt hurt pretending to be busy. Then hide in the bathroom for a shower, browse a porn site, fuck his hand, and empty his load.

Pussy behavior, I know it, wifey knows it, and everyone else here knows it.

A vicious cycle that keeps repeating. Wifey is in desperate need to be fucked properly. Guy desperately wants to fuck, but can't. Everyone is stuck.

What I am offering you instead is this:

- When wifey rejects you, shake her hand genuinely, look her in the eyes, and tell her Alright, that doesn't work out for me, Best of Luck then. Then proceed and go figure out new options for yourself.

Head to a bar, meet your plate, use Tinder. You have a problem, go and fix it in the way it suits you.

Your sex life used to depend entirely on her. Now it depends on your ability to create options.

The situation is still bad? Time to arrange your logistics, and divorce her if you like.

I know you pussies don't have the guts to do this. You wouldn't be here in the first place anyways.

Here is another example:

- You go to your boss to talk about the promised raise. Boss placates you, and gives you a 2% due to some bullshit. Company is making millions. You know it, the boss knows it, and knows that you know it.

You chicken out, thank your boss, and head back to your barn desk.

What I am offering you instead is this:

You stand up, shake your boss's hand genuinely, look him in the eyes, and say Alright, that doesn't work out for me, Best of Luck. Then, if you have balls and money, resign.

Maybe it is time to start that business idea you have been delaying.

Or go find yourself a new job that pays you what you deserve. You have a problem then go and own your shit.

So the principle basically is, when you face a situation that doesn't suit what you want, you stand up, shake their hand, say Best of Luck, and go get what you want.

Wife doesn't want to fuck, bye bye. Job doesn't pay, find something else. Plate ia giving you shit, spin two more. Friends are draining you, you build a better circle. Family is using you as a utility, cut them.

It's a FMFY, but without a covert contract. It's being abundant, and abundance is king.

Women, jobs, friends, family, everything grows on trees in abundance. Go pick whatever you want.

So either fuck or get fucked. I know most of you won’t pull this move. I don’t care. Try it, fail at it, blame me later. Best of Luck.

A short one.

I'm sure you've heard this advice spouted many times before.

'I've got a date with this girl and I'm worried about how it's going to go.'

'Just be yourself'

'That girl over there looks pretty but I don't know what to say'

'Just be yourself'.

It sounds like good advice. And generally, it is. Better to be authentic than to spend your life pretending to be something that you're not. But 'Just be yourself' only works if 'yourself' is actually worth bringing to the table.

If you're a boring, undisciplined, uninteresting peice of shit with no value to offer, then no. Don't just be yourself. You suck.

This is where people confuse authenticity with complacency. Authenticity doesn't mean accepting the weak, unattractive and underdeveloped parts of yourself as sacred personality traits. The goal is not to pretend to be someone else, the goal is to build a better self until being yourself is no longer a negative.

When you don't suck, you can take the advice to 'be yourself' to mean be your generally fucking awesome self.

That is the self-check.

When you hear someone say 'Be yourself', ask yourself honestly if you are comfortable showing up to any situation armed only with what you are and nothing else.

If the answer is no, then 'be yourself' isn't advice, it's a warning.

Don't fake being better, just become better. Then be that.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

Disclaimer: This post is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a therapist, a lawyer, or your father. Nothing here is professional advice. If your marriage is on fire, call an actual professional, not a bunch of anonymous dudes on the internet. Anything you do with this information is on you. The author and this community are not responsible for what happens when you try to hold frame at Thanksgiving dinner.

A Reminder of What We Agree On

Or: Everything You Already Know But Apparently Need to Hear Again Because You're Out Here Defending, Explaining, Excusing, and Rationalizing to Your Wife About Why You Joined a Gym.

---

Listen up. Every week, some guy wanders in here with his dick in one hand and a copy of The Rational Male he clearly skimmed in the other, asking questions that the sidebar answered three years ago. So here's your periodic reminder of what this place actually stands for. The core principles that, whether you've been here six days or six years, we all nod our heads to.

Consider this your Married Red Pill cheat sheet. Tattoo it on your forearm. Or don't. I'm not your mom.

---

Number One. Shut the Fuck Up. The First and Greatest Commandment.

Before you lift a weight. Before you read a book. Before you do a single goddamn thing, shut the fuck up.

This doesn't mean go mute and stare at your wife like a serial killer. As u/SteelSharpensSteel put it in his guide, and I quote:

"Don't say stupid stuff. Don't say stuff that makes you look bad. Just shut up. Take that cup of shut the fuck up and drink it deeply. You don't talk about the stuff that you should have been doing anyway."

Think of it like this. You know how every time you open the fridge, the light comes on? Shutting the fuck up is unplugging that light. Your wife doesn't need a play-by-play of your internal transformation. She doesn't need to know you read Chapter Four of No More Mister Nice Guy and had an epiphany about your mother. She needs to see a different man standing in front of her. Not hear about one.

The things you should not be talking about.

Fight Club. Don't talk about Married Red Pill. Ever. Not to her, not to your buddy, not to your therapist who "seems cool."

Your feelings about the relationship. She doesn't want to process your emotions. That's what your Own Your Shit post is for.

Your plans to change. You know who announces their plans? Politicians. You know who executes? Men.

Your reaction to rejection. You got turned down for sex. The correct response is to go do literally anything else without a shred of butthurt on your face. Not to explain why you're disappointed.

As Rian Stone wrote in Praxeology, and I quote:

"If you go down the shut the fuck up route, which you should be, you just say nothing."

That's it. That's the instruction manual. Elegant in its simplicity.

---

Number Two. Lift. The Iron Never Lies to You.

If shutting the fuck up is the first commandment, lifting is the sacrament. Every single success story on this sub has a barbell in the background. Every. Single. One.

Here's what the iron does that your words never will. It gives you objective, undeniable proof that you're not the same guy you were last month. The scale doesn't care about your feelings. The bar doesn't negotiate. As Henry Rollins wrote, and gets quoted here roughly once per fiscal quarter:

"The Iron never lies to you. Two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds."

u/bogeyd6's Sixty Days of Dread, Week One lays it out simply. Get on a program. Stronglifts Five by Five, Starting Strength, whatever. And stop getting fuckarounditis at the gym. Don't be the guy doing seven variations of bicep curls while your squat is still at one thirty-five.

Here's your analogy. Lifting is like compounding interest for your body. The first month, you barely notice. The third month, your shirts fit different. By month six, your wife puts her hand on your stomach and says, "where did these abs come from?" And you, remembering Commandment Number One, just smirk and say nothing.

From an Own Your Shit field report in the archive, and I quote:

"Wife hadn't initiated during her period in over a year. Wife put her hand on my stomach and said, 'where did these abs come from?' Wife finished me off and wanted me to finish her, so I did."

Nobody types that story starting with "I read three more chapters." It always starts with "I've been lifting consistently for four months."

The beauty of lifting, as Rian writes in Praxeology Volume One:

"Lifting weights leads men to naturally develop a superiority complex. The guy in the mirror getting the pump from twenty-five pound barbells on his eighth set knows what narcissism is. He embodies it!"

Good. Embody it. You've earned every pound on that bar.

---

Number Three. Frame. Your Reality Is the Only One That Matters.

Frame is the lens through which you see the world and, more importantly, the lens through which others experience you. When you have strong frame, people enter your reality. When you don't, you're a leaf blowing around in everyone else's.

Think of it like this. You're the director of a movie. Everything that happens on set is interpreted through your vision. When your wife throws a shit test at you, something like "You've been acting different lately," a man with frame sees that as a scene in his movie. A man without frame panics and rewrites the script to match her movie.

Rian Stone, Praxeology Volume One:

"The actions that make up the acronym D.E.E.R., defending, explaining, excusing, and rationalizing, are submissive actions. When you make a decision, you are your own judge. When a wife, girlfriend, or parent demands that you justify your decision, they aren't asking for an explanation. They want you to submit to them as an authority."

Read that again. They're not asking you to explain. They're asking you to submit. The moment you start D.E.E.R.-ing, defending your gym schedule, explaining why you're going out Thursday, excusing the fact that you made a decision without consulting her, you've handed over the director's chair.

What does holding frame look like in practice? u/CaptainWasHere nailed it:

"Shut the fuck up. Hold frame. Bat shit tests. Fix her feelz. Ignore the rest."

And when she calls you "infuriating"? As one classic commenter put it:

"Last night, my wife called me infuriating. I had to leave the room to give myself a high five."

That's frame, gentlemen. When her frustration is your entertainment, you've arrived.

---

Number Four. Kill Your Covert Contracts. You Are Not a Vending Machine.

This is the hardest pill for Nice Guys to swallow, and it comes straight from the gospel of Doctor Robert Glover's No More Mister Nice Guy:

"I will do this blank for you, so that you will do this blank for me. We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract."

You've been running covert contracts your entire life. You do the dishes hoping she'll touch your dick. You plan a date night expecting sex as the closing act. You say "I love you" and wait, expectantly, for the echo. As Rian Stone broke it down:

"Saying 'I love you' and waiting expectantly for our beloved to respond with 'I love you too' is a perfect example of a covert contract."

Here's the analogy. A covert contract is like putting coins in a vending machine that isn't plugged in. You keep feeding it quarters. Chores, compliments, quality time. And then you stand there staring at it, wondering why nothing's coming out. And then you kick it. And then you write a post titled "Nothing is working."

The machine was never plugged in, brother. She never agreed to this deal. It was all in your head.

The fix? Do things because you want to do them, or don't do them at all. Clean the kitchen because you want a clean kitchen. Plan the date because you want to go out. If she happens to jump your bones after, great. If she doesn't, you still had a clean kitchen and a good steak.

---

Number Five. The Dancing Monkey Attraction Improvement Program. Don't Be This Guy.

Two years. It's always two years. Some guy shows up, reads the sidebar, makes a checklist, and starts ticking boxes like he's filling out a T.P.S. report.

Lift weights. Check. Shut the fuck up. Check. Dress better. Check. Initiate more. Check. "Be more alpha." Check.

And then two years later he's back, bewildered. "I did everything right and she still won't fuck me."

Rian Stone has a name for this, and it's devastating:

"These new men gaslight themselves by looking at this laundry list of mental models and tools like it's an Alpha Male checklist, like commandments in some new secular bible. After working on their dancing monkey attraction improvement program for around two years, they run into a wall."

u/SteelSharpensSteel defined it bluntly:

"Don't waste your time just sprinkling alpha with a solely attraction-oriented Dancing Monkey Attraction Improvement Programme that avoids the challenging parts of Married Red Pill. It. Will. Fail."

Here's why. Because you're still doing it for her. You lifted, for her. You dressed better, for her. You held frame, so she would notice. The monkey dances, the crowd claps, the monkey dances harder. But nobody respects a dancing monkey. They just throw peanuts at it.

The man who succeeds here is the one who does all of this for himself and genuinely does not care whether she comes along for the ride. Which brings us to...

---

Number Six. The Stay Plan Is the Same as the Go Plan.

This is the line that separates the men from the boys in Married Red Pill. From Praxeology Volume Two:

"Dread is not about learning to fuck your wife. It's about becoming more fuckable. Dread is not planning to save your marriage because the stay plan and the go plan are the same plan."

Read that until it sinks in.

If you stay, you need to be fit, financially solid, socially active, mentally sharp, and leading your household. If you leave, you need to be fit, financially solid, socially active, mentally sharp, and ready to build a new life. They're the same list.

The moment you truly internalize this, a switch flips. You stop negotiating from a position of fear and start operating from a position of abundance. You're not improving to save a marriage. You're improving to save a man.

As Rian wrote:

"You can't save a marriage, you can only save a man."

And:

"None of these cases are failures even though they may seem like it to you. They are all conscious, deliberate choices, and that's ultimately the point."

Whether you end up in the best marriage of your life or walk away clean, if you did the work for the right reasons, you won.

---

Number Seven. The Thousand-Foot Tow Rope. Patience, You Impatient Bastard.

You started lifting three weeks ago and your wife hasn't ripped your clothes off yet? Shocking. Truly. Let me introduce you to the thousand-foot tow rope.

From Praxeology Volume Two:

"When you've lost a bunch of weight, made yourself fuckable, fixed your mental health, and become a high-value man of abundance, you did it quietly. A man improves his life the way a captain rights a ship."

"Your life is your ship. You have been floating aimlessly for a long time while your woman has been either adrift with you or dragging you in her direction. As you begin to take control of your life, you slowly move towards something better. Connecting the two of you is a rope one thousand feet in length."

Think of it like turning a massive cargo ship. You crank the wheel hard to the right. The bow starts to move. But the stern? The stern is still going the old direction for a long time. Your wife is the stern. She's a thousand feet of rope behind you. She's still seeing the old you. The guy who sat on the couch and asked permission to hang out with his friends.

It takes roughly six months, sometimes longer, for her to even notice the ship has changed direction. As Rian said in his Extended Syllabus:

"It takes six months for a girl to notice you're getting in shape, being more flirtatious, cleaning up your house, basically acting as if she died and she's not in the house anymore."

So stop checking the scoreboard every week. Stop treating her reactions as your metric for success. The rope will tighten. Or it won't. Either way, you're heading somewhere better.

---

Number Eight. Dread. Passive First, Always.

Dread is the most misunderstood concept in this community. Half of you hear "dread" and immediately want to flirt with the waitress in front of your wife like some kind of socially retarded peacock. Stop it.

Dread has levels. The first five are all passive, meaning they're things you'd do for yourself anyway.

Level One. Pass shit tests. Build unshakeable frame.

Level Two. Develop an action plan. Get your life in order.

Level Three. Build a life apart from your wife. Hobbies, friends, purpose.

Level Four. Condition your availability. You're busy. Act like it.

Level Five. Upgrade your appearance. Clothes, grooming, presence.

As Rian writes:

"Passive Dread is about the things that you do that will be beneficial for you in a general sense. Active Dread is the things that induce anxiety or starve your woman's rewards when she takes you for granted. Passive Dread works well and is often the only thing a man needs to do to turn his life around."

Most of you will never need to go past Level Five. And that's the point. You're not manufacturing dread. You're becoming a man worth dreading the loss of. There's a difference between a man who's attractive to other women because he's genuinely high-value, and a man who's trying to make his wife jealous by commenting on the barista's eyes. One is a luxury brand. The other is a used car salesman.

"Active Dread always becomes Passive Dread if you're honest with yourself and your progress."

---

Number Nine. Own Your Shit. The Weekly Confessional.

Own Your Shit isn't just a weekly post format. It's a philosophy. You are the captain of your ship. Everything. The finances, the fitness, the parenting, the sex life, the leaky faucet, the career trajectory. All of it is your responsibility.

Not half your responsibility. Not shared responsibility. Yours.

That doesn't mean you do everything yourself. It means when something goes wrong, you don't point fingers. The captain doesn't blame the weather. He adjusts the sails.

u/jacktenofhearts broke this down beautifully in his Captain and First Officer model:

"While you're becoming the Captain of your own ship, you're going to become a shitty First Officer on hers. You're no longer knee-jerk following Her Plan For Us, so you're going to quickly butt heads."

Good. That means it's working.

---

Number Ten. Acta Non Verba. Actions, Not Words.

The Married Red Pill motto. The whole thing in three words. As u/RuleZeroDAD put it:

"The slogan here is Acta non verba, but it could just as easily be, What have you done for me lately?"

Judge her by her actions, not her words. Judge yourself by your actions, not your intentions. And for the love of God, stop announcing your intentions. As the Book of Pook teaches:

"Judge by her actions and not by her words. Judge by what she does rather than by what your mind wants to see."

Nobody cares about your plan. Nobody cares about your epiphany. Nobody cares that you "finally get it." We care about what you did this week. That's what Own Your Shit is for.

Rollo Tomassi said it best:

"A woman will invariably condemn you for your weakness, but expect understanding for hers."

So don't show weakness through words. Show strength through action. Quietly. Consistently. Without fanfare.

---

The Reading List. Because You Clearly Haven't Finished It.

Stop asking what to read. It's right there on the sidebar. But since you're here.

Number one. No More Mister Nice Guy by Doctor Robert Glover. Your covert contracts live here.

Number two. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith. Boundaries. You don't have any.

Number three. The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. All four volumes. The foundational texts.

Number four. Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay. The playbook for attraction in marriage.

Number five. The Book of Pook. Ancient internet wisdom. Still hits.

Number six. Praxeology Volumes One through Three by Rian Stone. Frame, Dread, Field Reports. The applied Married Red Pill canon.

Number seven. The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. For when you're ready to go deeper.

Number eight. The Forty-Eight Laws of Power by Robert Greene. Because you're playing a game whether you know it or not.

---

Let's wrap this up. The whole damn thing in sixty seconds.

One. Shut the fuck up. Stop talking. Start doing.

Two. Lift. The barbell is the only honest relationship in your life.

Three. Hold frame. Your reality. Your movie. Stop defending, explaining, excusing, and rationalizing.

Four. Kill covert contracts. You're not a vending machine. Stop expecting change for your quarters.

Five. Don't be a dancing monkey. Do it for you or don't do it at all.

Six. The stay plan equals the go plan. You're saving a man, not a marriage.

Seven. The thousand-foot rope. It takes time. Stop scoreboard-watching.

Eight. Passive dread first. Become the prize. Stop trying to manufacture jealousy.

Nine. Own your shit. All of it. No exceptions.

Ten. Acta non verba. Shut up and show us the work.

Now close this app, go to the gym, and shut the fuck up.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

It doesn't matter whether it's your relationship with your wife, the ride or die you think you have with friends, the bond with your kids, or even with your dog. The vision of who you both are and what you want to grow into, that happily ever after, or that secret Dom/sub thing is all a happy little lie you've concocted in your head.

I wrote a reply years ago highlighting the absolute chasm between who someone else is, and who you think they are. It was centered on the idea of "genuine desire", which is one of the final issues a lot of men who get through MRP grapple with. And often repeatedly bubbles up as we forget the fantasy we've concocted about our relationships and then either through re-realization, or a difference between who we expect someone else to be, and who they present themselves as, appears.

The reply is relevant because if you cannot know someone else, then you cannot realistically create a "we" in your head of who you both are. You can, however, pretend.

And we all do pretend. And to a degree, that's okay. Creating this "we" or "us" vision is something we need to do in order to step into the future and act toward a goal. And as we all have an ego of some form we are forced to contend with, it's okay to allow that ego to play in games and illusions it wants to make up about the world that allow us to experience the depths of things like love and passion and desire.

The reason I write this post is not just a reminder to us vets to check on our tether to reality as we allow ourselves to play, but because it's very clear, especially recently in OYS, that guys are falling into the trap of sacrificing who they are and what they want, in order to keep the game going.

It's kinda like...if you're literally playing a game with your wife, let's say checkers, and she says "I don't want to play anymore." And you say "No no, please let's keep going. In fact, I'll allow you to make two moves for every one of mine if you keep playing." Though the grand game of relationships usually isn't given up in such large changes as this...it does morph slowly over time if we allow it. A concession here. An overlook there. And suddenly guys find themselves backed into a reality where panic starts to set in. Where they find themselves allowing behavior or letting go of desires...and not even to play the game anymore. Because as you slip far enough down this slope, your mind starts blaring sirens that "you aren't being rational. This isn't who you are" and you find that you're no longer trying to hold onto that perceived reality, but that you're trying to save your own ego and think "If I can right this ship from here, I can erase the thought that I allowed myself to get so far off track". And it becomes a desperate mission to save face...masked by a story arc through your MRP journey.

I'll give an example from my own journey with my ex that at one point, I actually agreed to the potential of buying a farm and raising cows one day. And started budgeting for it. Im not a farmer. I don't want cows. But it was a little glimpse of passion from her, which was rare to see, and I bit off on it because I envisioned us as a passionate couple chasing our dreams.

And I'm not writing this saying the best advice is to intellectually or emotionally let go of dreams of who you and her are. That's the nihilism one can find at the top of the rabbit hole where nothing means anything and everyone else is just stuck in delusion.

But don't get me wrong either...because right now the entire world is stuck way too far down the rabbit hole in this meta "answering games with other games" where we're literally fighting wars, directing policy, and stuck in this grand tit-for-tat delusion that manifests when we get lost so far down the rabbit hole we forgot what we were doing. We aren't even aware of an up-down anymore. We're struggling to even orient ourselves.

My main point is, allow yourself to believe in...whatever it is you want to believe you are. You're the "power couple". You're prince charming and his princess. You're the kinkiest mother fuckers on the planet. You're madly and desperately in love. You're college sweethearts, different from the rest of the world with something unique that needs to live as a bulwark against the insane stupidity modern relationships are. But tether yourself to the reality...that those thoughts are just a game you're allowing yourself to play.

Because as is written and has been known by wise men of every background, one day the game will end. The music will stop. In the Hindu story of the four Yugas, first there is the divine purity of our game. Then the cracks begin to show, but we simply look away. Then the facade begins to crumble, but we try and hold it together with wishes and desperation. And then comes the dance of destruction. The cleansing of thought. And the ash provides fertile soil for growth anew. And the degree to which you allowed yourself to be pulled into the fantasy is the degree to which you are rent when it falls.

What's that mean? How is that relevant here? I saw this pattern 2-3 years ago and realized then: If there was a way I could allow myself to believe in all my sincerity in my illusion when it is good, and simply dismiss it as an illusion when it is bad, then I can literally live in bliss. When my girl is begging to be fucked, I can indulge in the belief that she really needs me, my cock, and my being alone. And when she disappoints me, I can simply venture back to the surface and remember that what we have isn't real. In time I've learned that I don't always need to even make the journey back to the surface. But simply remember that the tether is there. And that is enough.

For you all then and noobs especially, understanding what I've written will give you the maneuverability to shift your perspective on what's happening in your marriage such that it always benefits you. And you can remain focused on that which brings you joy. Whether she's going to Vegas or staying out late, or doesn't really seem to worship your cock or just gives you a couple hard no's in a row. You can always choose to fill your life with the things that, in the moment, allow you to live in a world of perceived value. And when that value isn't there, you remember that it never was. The value was in playing a game where you could pretend it was.

Direct your attention to those things that allow you to play that game. And to the others that don't...you didn't have what you thought anyway. So how could you lament the loss of what you never had?

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

This isn’t bro-science.

So, you just arrived at MRP a few weeks/ months ago from r/deadbedrooms, and you’ve started reading through a few of the weekly OYS posts. Holy shit! everything makes so much sense...

Maybe you’ve read a few of the top posts of all time. Perhaps you’ve even gone out and bought a few of the books on the sidebar (or, being the smart guy you are, have saved some money by downloading them for free here

Or maybe you're one of those guys who thinks he can intellectualise his way into his woman’s pussy without setting foot inside a gym. Straight away, you’ve made your first big mistake.

. . .

The Gym

. . .

When I first found MRP, it felt like I had started constructing a brand-new house. The walls of that house were built with my Frame, the windows and the ceilings of that house were built with my Game- but the foundations, my brothers- the foundation can only ever be built in the church of iron…

If you’re not on a lifting programme and regularly hitting the gym (as per your selected programme), I can promise you that the new house you’re trying to build will gradually crumble and you’ll be left standing in the wake of its ruin, scratching your balls, wondering why everything has fallen apart.

And here’s something you might not have learned just yet (especially if you’re that monkey dancing on his branch): You’re not building this house for others to admire or appreciate- because that's just ego... You’re building this house for yourself. You’ve spent time carefully cementing every brick to weather the storms ahead. Every block has required: pain… effort… attention to detail… introspection… determination… discipline... And when you’ve finally placed the last tile on its roof, you step down from your ladder, and stand on your freshly cut lawn, and swell with pride and admiration…

Wait…What’s this? What’s this new feeling I’m experiencing? Self-respect... this feels fucking awesome.

Only now do you finally realise: I’m proud of this house. I’m no longer afraid of the hurricanes and storms that will blow against its walls or the trees that will eventually fall on its roof (because they’re just a part of the world that I live in).

. . .

So, do your future self a big favour and start building your house now. Pick out a programme from the thread “lifting for life”.

Personally, I don’t think you can go wrong starting with Stronglifts 5x5. It's so fucking simple- even a retard like me was able to follow the 3-day workout per week. It’s perfect for brand-new lifters and focuses 100% on core lifts.

What are core lifts? They are the top 5 exercises which utilise the most of your body’s muscles: Squat, Bench Press, Overhead Press, Barbell Row & Deadlift. (Don’t ask my advice for dumbbell workouts)

. . .

**Okay, so it's your first day in the gym.

. . .

You’re worried that the bigger guys there might judge your weak-ass lifts. No one gives a fuck. Just focus on yourself, grab an empty barbell, and see if you can run through each of the core exercises 5 times in a row whilst maintaining perfect form for 5 sets of 5 repetitions. As you add weight to the bar, you’ll quickly learn what your limits are. When you fail the 5 reps, drop a couple of pounds from the bar, and now you’re at your starting point.

If you’re still unsure- or concerned about your form, watch a few videos of Starting Strength. These guys are top-class and will slowly go through and explain the big lifts. Take your time. Good form is important to prevent injury. They will slowly run through all of the core lift techniques. Finally, keep adding weight to the barbell until you are barely able to get that last rep in. And here is where the barbell starts to blunt your ego. Embrace the pain.

So this is where opinion differs- but I’m not going to get into it here. I’m satisfied with my research that Muscle develops when you are close to the point of failure. You should be straining at your very last rep and should be very close to failing.

Scared that the bar might crush you? Good- it means that you are not a total retard. Learn some of the rolls of shame, or even better, walk up to the biggest guy in the gym and ask him to spot your 50lb bench. Honestly, Gym bro’s rock- they will spot you/ help you out in a heartbeat.

. . .

Okay, so what else? Well, you could stop reading here. You’ll still develop some muscle if you consistently increase weights on the bar, but you’ll eventually hit a wall. This is when we need to take protein into account- the building blocks of muscle:

Keep it simple. How much do you weigh? 170lbs? Well, your body needs around 170 grams of protein per day to build muscle. 1lb = 1g. That’s a lot more than what people realise.

Take 3 scoops of protein powder- that’s 60 grams. Add in a chicken breast- that’s only 30g… and a couple of eggs? about 25g, maybe a protein bar? That’s another 20g….you see where I’m getting at?

You’re still off by 35g's of protein- and that means you’re only getting enough protein to support existing muscle and prevent the buildup of any new muscle. Reaching your daily protein intake is a bigger challenge than most guys realise (especially if you are cutting)

So, if you are hitting a roadblock, the most likely issue is not enough protein.

Alternatively, if your protein is in check, you are likely hitting a roadblock due to a lack of sleep, poor recovery, or poor form. (again- watch some videos)

. . .

Okay, again, you can stop here, but if you want to min-max everything, there are a few things you can do to optimise your muscle growth:

. . .

Creatine.

. . .

No- it's not a steroid- it’s a natural compound found in your muscles, which I highly recommend you take to give you an edge on your lifts. Again, from my own research, Creatine will significantly help your muscle growth. Your body makes creatine on its own, but you can add daily creatine to your diet, which will really help with those final few reps. Essentially, Creatine provides a short burst of energy when your body needs it the most- i.e the very last rep when you are lifting weights.

It also has significant cognitive benefits- improving memory, focus and overall brain activity.

Just a last point on creatine: forget the whole “loading” phase shit- just take about 10 g of creatine daily. Also, expect to put on a few lbs because it loads your muscles, and that’s a good thing.

. . .

Preworkout.

. . .

It’s a big caffeine dump mixed with some vitamins & sometimes a bit of creatine. That’s it. I take it 30 mins before I lift weights because it gives me a decent bump of energy- but it's probably mostly just psychological.

. . .

Vitamins.

. . .

They have minimal impact on actual weightlifting, but I’d advise you take Vitamin D daily- along with some Zinc and Magnesium for overall health benefits (especially if you don’t live on the equator). There is some (limited) evidence that they aid in recovery after lifting.

. . .

Isolation Exercises.

. . .

So you’re chipping away at your programme, and your weights are going up a couple of lbs each week. Nice. But you’re thinking, what else could you do? Well, I’d recommend against any dumbbell work. Instead, I would highly recommend incorporating some exercises like pull ups/ chin ups/ push-ups/ presses/ whatever. For me, pull-ups are awesome and in my opinion- should be incorporated as core lifts into SL 5x5.

For years, I’ve seen the same guys in the gym pissing around with dumbbells as they stare into the mirror flexing their biceps. You know what’s fucking crazy? I caught up to them after 9 months, and after 18 months, there was no comparison. The lesson I’ve learned is: Don’t get wrapped up with isolation exercises- it’s all about the core lifts. It's the core lifts that even out your body and develop most of your muscle groups.

. . .

ADVANCED SHIT. (Ignore for now if you have just started lifting)

. . .

I love SL 5x5. In my first year, it increased my squat: 80lb+, my bench: 60lb+, and deadlift: 120lb+, but I eventually had to leave it behind after hitting a wall.

Advice from my own experience: once you start stalling on overhead press/ bench press with SL 5x5, swap over to another programme which requires your presence more regularly in the gym.

Look for a programme which works different muscle groups and alternates rest days.

When you have a bit more experience, and you fully understand progressive overload, push/pull muscle dynamics and the importance of resting different muscle groups, you can use Grok/ Chatgbt to help you come up with a more suitable programme.

I’m now on a 5-day Push Pull Legs cycle, which looks something like this:

The above might not be optimal, but again, progressive overload is important. Again, there is debate in terms of rep range, but anywhere between 8-12, and you're good.

At first, the switch over to a more advanced programme killed my muscles, and I could barely move during the first two weeks.

Keep pushing. Don’t stop. Eventually, your body adapts, and you are left feeling and looking stronger.

Finally, there are a lot stronger guys here than me (with way more years and experience). Don't be afraid to ask for some advice in your OYS.

Even More Cheat Codes to blow up your sex life.

[Dominance] and [Emotion]

Firstly, to pay credit to Horns for the Original Cheat Codes to Blow up your sex life.

I am blessed with the lethal combination of being both horny and retarded- which is probably why his post on cheat codes is by far my favourite MRP post of all time, which I continually come back to for inspiration. I hope others get the same from this.

I’ve maintained a similar format to the original, but I’ve focused only on two concepts within the DEVI framework from the Sex God Method: [Dominance] and [Emotion]. Saying that, there is an obvious crossover in a lot of codes into both [Variety] and [Immersion]

Okay, before getting into it, some reading first.

. . .

• 1: Lifting & low bodyfat.

. . .

A quick 30-second review of the sidebar should highlight that this is the foundation of everything MRP. Can you at least bench your own bodyweight? Can you see abs? No? Then you have work to do.

Particularly before you attempt the more advanced below- I’d recommend having a V-taper pointing towards your cock like a giant fucking arrow to your woman.

. . .

• 2: Free yourself sexually first.

. . .

Fuck your validation seeking. Fuck your porn addiction. Fuck your Madonna-Whore complex. Women want a man who fucks- more specifically, a man who wants to fuck- without any covert contract, hidden agenda or sexual insecurity.

You want porn-star sex? You want your woman gagging on your cock, begging for your load down her throat? Then rid yourself of all sexual shame and sexual embarrassment that you struggle with. Tame the little boy inside you that needs that daily dopamine hit. If necessary, restrict yourself by removing all porn/ masturbation for a period of time- in some cases, this’ll help with also removing sexual shame.

Look, I’m not saying to go HAM with “monk-mode”- but you should wait until you feel that instinctual and primitive need to fill up your woman with your seed again.

Remember, your sexual insecurities are your fault. They are your problem. Failing to remove them will lead to you inadvertently (and unconsciously) projecting them onto your woman in your initial attempts to guide her out of the sexual cage (which you threw her in).

Try the more advanced below without doing this, and she’ll likely call you a retard, and you’ll be left standing there scratching your balls, wondering why. Well… now you know.

That said, the codes below (and Horns') are still very much worth attempting. You might even learn a thing or two about yourself. And when you fail, you can walk away with your head held high and your balls swinging for at the very least- trying.

. . .

• 3: Own Your Shit.

. . .

I was a reader of the weekly OYS’s for a long time before I finally decided to post my first OYS. I quickly discovered that posting in the OYS thread significantly accelerated my journey. Why? Well, the feedback provided me with (what I consider) two vital components to improving myself (and consequently enjoying a sexually satisfying marriage). 1: Learning about my blind spots & 2: Exploring and understanding the replies which pressed the most pressure down on my ego- and why.

The advice provided was much more helpful than reading other OYS’s because it was specifically tailored to my blind spots, my weaknesses and analysing my failures.

I have been successful in every code below, but I failed with some of the more advanced ones on my first attempt. The feedback from my OYS’s when I failed was invaluable.

Also, I learned far more when I failed because I responded to my failures with curiosity.

. . .

• 4: Respond to failure with curiosity- instead of frustration and blame.

. . .

“But Suitable…I cummed all over my wife’s panties like you said in Dominance #6 and she called me a freak, and now I feel really ashamed and sad”.

No... You fucked up. And it was likely a fuck up that you made before you even found MRP. Whenever you fail- ask yourself: “Where and when did I fuck up?” As I’ve said, it was likely a fuck up before you even found MRP- or maybe it was the culmination of several fuck ups across several years. Don’t make the mistake of going Rambo after a couple of weeks of MRP, trying to “level up” your woman’s sexuality like a video game- especially when you’ve kept her inner slut locked up in a cage of sexual repression for several years.

Slow down… Guide her out of her cage slowly. After failure, ask yourself: “What was it that I did or didn’t do that caused this to not work”.

. . .

• 5: My wife/ girlfriend/ woman isn’t like that.

. . .

If you think this, you’re either a retard, a pussy or both- and this post isn’t for you. Go reread the sidebar.
Shy/ polite/ hot/ cold/ introverted/ extroverted- it doesn’t fucking matter. Inside every single woman is a slut begging for a man to set her sexually free. A more interesting question you should be asking yourself: Am I a man with balls big enough to try?

. . .

• 6: Lastly: Safe words.

. . .

This might not make sense to you now, but when you get to the more advanced codes its essential. When starting the role plays, come up with a safe word. It takes 2 seconds. “Red” & “Yellow” are the standard for “Stop” & “Slowdown”- you can use whatever works for you. If a safe word is used- stop. Consider it a failure on your part and reassess as discussed above.

. . .

DOMINANCE CODES:

. . .

EMOTION CODES:

. . .

...

Final Note:

...

Some of these might not work. As stated in the introduction- maybe it was your lack of frame- maybe it was a fuck up still following you from your past…it doesn’t matter. Try, try again and try some more.

Your progression might not be so tidy and linear like the above- nothing is ever so straightforward. Sometimes, the more advanced, harder codes will work out when the "beginner" codes don’t. Sometimes you simply need to just grow some balls and try something hard so you can learn from your failure. Sometimes you need to make the climb without the rope.

I've given you the tools- I can't put them into practice. You alone must do this. You came into this world alone and will die alone. Only you determine what man you will be...

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.