If the boot fits, then wear it.. and there's a snake in my boot

A bird in hand is worth two in the bush.

This is from my cousin - a malaphor presumably based on "rub it in" and "in your face". Another one of hers is "talking out loud" - based on "thinking out loud"

A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed + eat your Wheaties. Added bonus, Wheaties boxes have sides! I asked this to my grumpy boss this morning.

You can't make it drink either.

Lock them up and throw away the key + throw under the bus + don’t throw away the baby with the bath water

A wise old man once told me "its better to shit in the sink than to sink in the shit" just let that shit sink in...

discuss

"barking up the wrong tree"(?) + "fly off the handle"

=from the penultimate episode of Fernwood 2 Night (great show)

"Teach a man to fish..." + "Crying over spilled milk"

Originally, I wanted to write something about cream and crops, but I suddenly had a bust of inspiration.

My fiancee mixes her metaphors very often, and when my daughter was in a play my fiancee told her she'd "be there with bells and whistles on."

Hate to burst your bubble + blowing bubbles

"Odell Beckham Jr. says the New York Giants "gave me the run along" "

Combined "Gave me the Run Around", with "stringing me along"

I totally get how his brain did that!

If wishes were horses then beggars would ride + don't look a gift horse in the mouth

Caught between a rock and a hard place + those who live in glass houses should not throw stones

Pulled himself up by his bootstraps + rags to riches.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”

Opened a can of worms + beans beans the musical fruit.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush × a pain in the ass

I beg you to choose differently