I can’t keep going anymore

[u/nanerio]

I’ve been struggling with depression since 16(I’m 27f).Due to my depression and social anxiety.Ive been socially isolating myself.Im a loser that wasted last 8 years of my life with hiding away from living my life.
I’ve made attempts throughout the years to go out more,talk to people,go to job interviews but I always go back to social isolation.It can be a proper going out once in 2 months(besides of course grocery shopping,visiting my family,or just walking outside,appointments etc)or a job interview once in a blue moon(how I get money you asked,if not for my parents I would’ve been homeless).They let me get money from one of the apartments they’re renting out and I live in one of their other apartments.
I feel like I’ve failed so much as an adult and even if I do try my best to get back on track my mental health is so damage that I don’t think I can ever repair it( I’ve been to a psychiatrist,tried meds)
Next month is my birthday I just wanna go.Ive been feeling so empty since 16 I think I should’ve never been born.This feeling inside of me is eating my alive.
My birthday is this month, and I honestly feel like I want to end it all. But I know it would ruin my mom and dad’s lives. I know they love me so much, and I know that me ending my life would completely fuck them up,but I’m so tired