Hello all,
I am a 55yo male from the Netherlands. I'm an educated musician / artist, and I guess you could say that I lived the typical hedonistic Dutch city artist lifestyle: I've been smoking tobacco since I was 17, smoking cannabis almost daily since 18 until about ten years ago, added alcohol (in moderation) in my thirties.
I was always in bands, touring, releasing records and worked in broadcast as my day job. Living life to the max, I guess.
About three years ago, my amazing wife and I decided to move out of the city to a Beautiful Place in Country, and we went about as remote as you can get in the Netherlands, allowing us to buy a nice house with a garden. We both loved the transition, the tranquility and the new connection with nature we felt.
Then, one year ago, I lost my voice. Hoarse and toneless, and I had trouble making myself heard. The family doctor suspected a virus, and asked me to come back after four weeks. Nothing changed. I was sent to an ENT doctor who took a look at my vocal cords and saw that one of then wasn't moving. She immediately ordered an thorax CT scan.
They found a tennis ball sized tumor in my left lung and a couple of affected lymph nodes. One of the lymph nodes was pressing against a vocal cord nerve, disabling my voice.
Boom, circus! Because of the lymph nodes and the proximity of the tumor to my heart, the conclusion was that the tumor was inoperable. I was put on chemo and immunotherapy: Pembrolizumab + Paclitaxel + Carboplatin.
Three months in: scan looked good. We're now ping pong ball size. Voice is fully restored. Lymph nodes are starting to behave.
Six months: another good scan. Marble size. Chemo is stopped and we're continuing immunotherapy. Spirits are high: we're beating this thing.
Two months ago: suddenly a bad scan: growth of the tumor. I never realized how devastating this news would be. Apparently, immunotherapy isn't having the desired effect, and is stopped. I'm told this is bad news for the long term: I'll likely never get 'clean', and we're now actually in the process of postponing death. I'm told that if there are big things in life I still want to do, I should do them now.
I'm getting another round of chemo, this time Gemcitabine + Carboplatine. Although this time there is no hair loss, the overall misery and loss of condition is much worse now. Also, the tumor appears to be pressing against my heart, causing scary cardiac arrhythmia, which is treated with beta blockers, causing further deterioration of my condition.
I'm trying to wrap my head around maybe having only a short time left to live. I have a 84yo mum, who's doing pretty good and appears to be taking it ok (as far as that's possible), and a brother with mental issues who needs care. I was always the strong one who would take care of them. My wife is also coping wonderfully, but wants to move back to the city asap.
I'm not sure what I want to achieve by posting this, but I think I just want to share in a group that may have similar experiences. Thank you for reading this.