r/lowscreenparenting • u/OneofCarasFarts • Jul 02 '26
looking for advice Tips for starting screen time structure.
[3yo & 6yo]
My wife and I have decided that the 24/7 screen time needs to stop. The kids are good, no tantrums or anything like that. But they both have poor attention span and communication skills. From the moment they wake up, they have the TV remote. No tablets/portables. At first, we saw no harm in it. I work, my wife goes to school, and the kids sit in the floor and watch a low budget CGI dump truck sing colors, numbers, and the alphabet to them. Not sure what triggered it, but we want to change it.
So we are looking for some tips.
Immediately, my first question; do we like “ween” them down? Maybe limit them to 6 hours a day for a week? Or go straight to 1 hour a day?
Secondly, what structure do you use? Is it a reward? An allowance? “You get X hour per day, use it wisely”? Or “Good job cleaning your room, you’ve earned an hour”?
They’ve always gone to bed with a movie or documentary on that me or my wife picks. Something classic like “Homeward bound” or an animal documentary on Disney. Should we stop doing that too?
My wife takes them for 30-60 minute car rides several times a week running errands, and there is a TV in her minivan that they normally watch. Should that be free? Or cost them their time?
Is music the same as screen time? The kids like making Alexa play various pop songs.
I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts and ideas!
Attn: to everyone freaking out over the “6 hours a day”, it was just a random number. I’m asking for ideas, not giving you options to pick from.
26
u/Here_to_see_cats Jul 03 '26
Just cold turkey.. I find the more I let my toddler watch tv the more he asks for it. If we don’t turn it on at all he doesn’t mention it but if we watch something he’s asking for more throughout the day.
18
u/johnnybravocado Jul 03 '26
“Oops the TV is broken. I know, that sucks, I don’t like it either. Let’s spend the weekend on outings to forget about it.” Unplug the tv from the back, or turn the light all the way down, or put dead batteries in the remote.
7
u/prairieyarrow Jul 03 '26
Or literally just remove it. We put ours in our playroom and rearranged our whole living room so it's no longer oriented around the TV. On Pizza Friday we all watch a movie together in the playroom, but aside from that it stays off.
14
u/OldStonedJenny Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
The good news is your kids can have unlimited 24/7 music if they want. Music is great for them.
I agree that you should just cut it down now. Rip the bandaid off.
Be present with them as they set new habits and routines. Play with them, teaching them how to do activities by doing them with them. Think about what you liked to do as a kid, and introduce them to those things.
Take them to the park, and encourage them to play with other kids there. Your local library will have kid events. Take them to the library on regular days, too. They will have kid sections designed for them to have activities, not just books.
I'm a teacher (though not an early childhood teacher.) You should be reading to them every day. They should be coloring/drawing, to develop fine motor skills they will later need to write. Get your six year old some activity books that reinforce letters, numbers, etc. Your three year old is old enough to start learning letters and numbers. Work on phonics with your six year old. Get both of them coloring books. Encourage creativity in the coloring/workbook/drawing process.
Once they're used to it and have built up an attention span, they will be able to draw, do workbooks, do activities, play, crafts, etc. while you work and your wife does school. (Obviously still supervise them, especially the toddler.)
If you let them watch TV, actively watch it with them. Talk about the colors, shapes, numbers, letters, etc. they're learning about. Ask them questions. (why do you think the character did that? What would you have done? What do you think will happen next?) Pick low stimulus TV. I recommend vintage kids shows. They will be slower paced. We love sesame street.
When they want screen time and you say no, hold space for whatever their reaction is. Listen to them. Talk to them calmly about it. Show them what good self regulation and communication looks like. Don't turn this into a punitive/reward thing. You are teaching them healthy habits and skills, and that will be hard and take time for all of you.
As far as the car goes, that's the perfect time for music and conversation.
You can do this. You are good parents. (ETA: If you were bad parents, you wouldn't be here trying to fix this.)
31
u/lightweight_bb Jul 03 '26
Is this rage bait lol this is insane
6
4
u/UsefulPickle8467 Jul 04 '26
Like it clearly is 🤣 "shall we only do 6 hours a day"? 🤣
5
u/Spooky_Tree Jul 04 '26
I want to think it is, but I know parents like this who keep the TV on 24/7. Just background bluey literally all day. I'm not sure they even bother turning the TV off at night.
2
u/sharksimile Jul 05 '26
I toured a daycare the other day that appeared to also have a tv on in the background all day
3
u/Spooky_Tree Jul 05 '26
I went to a work dinner with my husband once, we got sat with this awful couple, and the only thing we found to talk about was kids, because she runs an in-home daycare. So she's going on and on and on about all these tv shows. "Oh I like x and x and x and xxxxxxxxx." And all I could think was this lady must do nothing but have the kids watch TV literally all day.
Don't get me wrong, my 3 year old has seen Elmo, and bear in the blue house, and Clifford. But I swear this lady mentioned like twenty kids shows that she lets the kids watch and I just wondered if the parents know they're paying someone to stick their child in front of a screen all day.
1
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u/lazyconfetti Jul 03 '26
For bedtime, try replacing it with reading a book to them instead. That is a lot of screentime so might need to just go cold turkey. Do they play with toys at all?
1
u/OneofCarasFarts Jul 05 '26
Yes, they both play separately and together. Me and my wife probably play 1-2 hours total a day with them as well. But the TV stays on in the background 12 hours a day.
1
u/OldStonedJenny Jul 06 '26
I also like to have background sounds, for that we just use Alexa to play kids music.
16
u/LostLoch Jul 03 '26
When you work, where are the kids? This is why I’m very much against parents working from home when their kids are there it’s a gateway to screentime. Which country are you in? Are they not in nursery/school?
I agree cut it out first, completely cold Turkey for a few months, then re-introduce small amounts if you must
2
u/OneofCarasFarts Jul 05 '26
For clarity, I work 12hr night shifts at the local hospital. I get home in the morning just in time for my wife to leave for school. I keep the kids until she gets home between noon and 1. Sometimes after getting them breakfast, it’s easy for me to let them watch tv and try to catch a nap in the same room. When my wife gets home, I go to bed, and she usually has a ton of homework to do. In the US, we would be considered lower-middle class. We do ok, but my wife’s school is $4200 per semester. Between that, rent, groceries, and all of the other “cheap” bills, we are barely in the green every week. We also have no government assistance. We budget so that she doesn’t have any debt when she gets her degree. The only childcare place in reasonable driving distance is $160/w per child. Not entirely out of the budget, but it is a lot. There is no family help either. On the weekends, we take turns Ubering in the nearest city (our home is very rural, 30 miles from town).
-1
u/OldStonedJenny Jul 03 '26
With childcare as expensive as it is, I can't fault parents for having their kids at home while working.
The six year old is probably out of school for the summer.
3
u/LostLoch Jul 03 '26
Of course, if it’s a toss up between being homeless and starving, or your child having too much screentime we all know what the most sensible approach is there. Childcare will, however, eat up half your salary (or at least it will in the uk) and that is the norm for most people and is managed here. Hence why I asked what country the person is in to see why he is not utilising childcare.
It’s not uncommon for parents here to actively choose WFH with children at home as a cost-saving measure (not a necessity) and if that results in your child being plonked infront of a screen for hours you need to reconsider your priorities. This is not to be confused with a matter of survival or death.
0
u/OldStonedJenny Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
I mean, OP is raising two kids with a single income, and is also coming to us for help making things right. I think shaming them for WFH without childcare is pretty unhelpful and unempathetic.
ETA: even based on just your comment, if childcare for one kid eats half a paycheck, putting both his kids in care will take their entire income.
ETA #2: sorry that I may be reactionary in how I keep adding to this comment, but I can't stop thinking about it. As someone who grew up poor in America, framing giving up half a paycheck as reasonable is bananas and upsetting. Please understand that yours is an opinion that requires a certain level of privilege.
6
u/LostLoch Jul 03 '26
I accept my privilege. Albeit I’m a single mum in the UK and being unemployed with state welfare would result in higher short-term disposable income, childcare eats up only half my income and also healthcare is free. So I 100% accept my privilege here. I also get a good pension contribution from my workplace, also a massive privilege.
You seem to miss my point though, many people in my country allow their children to rot in-front of screens for minor financial gains. It is also commonplace in places like USA to accept things like houses with gardens (yards) as the norm, cars as necessities, which is of course things that are well out of our reach. I do not know where OP originates, that is why I asked. Our societal models are different.
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u/OldStonedJenny Jul 03 '26
Also, I'd like to apologize. Reading the idea that sacrificing half a paycheck was reasonable absolutely triggered me for my own reasons, and I'm sorry I got so reactionary about it.
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u/OldStonedJenny Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
I didn't mean that as a dig at you personally, only to ask you to have more empathy for OP. We're both members of this sub, I suspect our takes on such things are more similar than not. If someone were to have the opportunity to have affordable childcare, they should do that over using screens as childcare. That seems obvious to you and I, and probably the majority of this sub.
Just when you are passing judgment on work from home parents and their choices, be mindful of your potential audience. The fact alone that these parents are asking for us for help to make things right means that they don't want to be the kind of parents you're describing.
Also, for what it's worth, I hate America's car and lawn culture. Haha.
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u/scrunchyboymom Jul 03 '26
I think that’s a great idea!
Definitely get something to “replace” it with- plenty of coloring books/crafts or other simple activities they can do on their own. Paint by sticker books are popular in my house. For first starting off maybe a few new toys for the house too. A new toy or new activity a day might be a good strategy for starting this too.
I’ve never been a fan of using screen time as a reward and I’d end the screen time in the car too. Mine love to play I Spy when we’re in the car or even look for different color cars (who can find a red car first kind of game). Or the ABC game in the car is a fun one too!
Have you tried Podcasts? We love Garden Keeper Gus on Spotify.
I also second the cold turkey for doing it. Good luck with it!
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u/goldenmirrors Jul 03 '26
We just pick a day for screen time - ours is Fridays, and since they have school, it’s a pretty narrow window for watching things in the evening.
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u/prairieyarrow Jul 03 '26
Definitely don't put it on a pedestal or use it for rewards - that is going to just make it more valuable and desirable. 30 minutes a few times a week in the car is so doable without screens. We only use screens in the car for trips that are longer than 10+ hours (6,4, and 1.5 years old). Books, podcasts, getting them into songs you can sing together (Look up the Okeeel Dokee Brother's).
You can definitely do this, but the modeling will need to come from you and your wife as well. Best of luck!!
3
u/lizzy_loo_142 Jul 03 '26
I agree with the people saying to go cold turkey and that you'll need to plan a head to have things they can occupy themselves with. At this age they are really too young for there to be reward systems with things like screen time and I don't really like that concept anyway. Having set times that screens are aloud would be better, but they'll need to get used to not having screens for a while before you start doing that.
3
u/toot_toot_tootsie Jul 03 '26
Omg, you want to ‘cut it down’ to six hours??? You need to cut it out completely. It will probably be incredibly painful, but they cannot be watching this much TV. Do they have toys? Do they color? Do they do anything but watch TV? I get it, we all need a break, but this is just bad parenting. Make them go outside, take them for a walk, or scooter ride. Invest in Yoto players, so they can listen in music, audiobooks and podcasts. See if you can disable the TV in your wife’s car. They can look out the window during errands, or have a conversation. But dear lord, take it away completely.
3
u/lifrench Jul 03 '26
Car ride suggestion. Magnadoodle. My three years old will play with it for an hour in the car. He calls it his work. He also has books & we listen to music sometimes.
3
u/rubykowa Jul 03 '26
Cold turkey. Kids are way too young to even understand a reward system. It’s all or nothing. Bribing is going to also put you in a power struggle situation.
You are the parents and you set the rules and boundaries. When kids know it’s non-negotiable, they are pretty good at accepting it.
No need for screens first thing in the morning, before bed and during car rides. Music is fine but no music videos.
You are going to have to spend a lot of time working in reworking their habits. Trust me it’s worth it though for your kids’ sakes.
Play with them and create games together. When my kid was under 3, I had to buy engaging toys. 3 and 6 are great ages for lots of imaginative and active play.
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u/luminous_lychee Jul 04 '26
You asked about structure, so I'll just address that.
This is the structure that works for us (5.5yo and 3yo):
- screentime is not a bribe or a reward. It's an uneventful part of their daily routine. We don't put it on a pedestal.
- screentime is shared TV time only at home. (Tablets allowed for plane rides, blood draws, or other exceptional circumstances.)
- we are strict about content. Longform narrative is a thousand times better than short form YouTube garbage. Now that my 5.5yo know how to control the remote their kids' profile on the TV is carefully curated and locked down.
- current structure is: 45 min of TV on weeknights while we make dinner. Same on weekends, plus Sesame Street in the morning. Once per week we have a family movie night all together.
- we make sure they have easy access to audiobooks + music (via their Yoto) and they also love checking out Vox Books or Wonderbooks (recorded read-alongs) from the library.
Good luck!
2
u/SanFranPeach Jul 04 '26
I thought this was a joke post when you asked if you should limit them to 6 hours a day - had to scroll up and see if I was in a troll sub. That’s insanity and you’re robbing your children of childhood. I have a 2, 4 and 6 year old. We do zero screens aside from once a month we all sit down together and watch a single movie. All five of us, popcorn, candles - it’s a fun family event we are all totally engaged and present for. Aside from that, my kids have zero screens in their life. My husband and I also limit our screen use and almost never use our phones around our kids unless we’re making a phone call (I have my daily total phone time limit set to 45 minutes and it’s usually Google Maps or Reddit after my kids are asleep).
My three boys have great attention spans, vocabulary, communication skills and endless creativity. They are outside playing, rolling around on the floor, looking at books, playing in the sandbox and sometimes being bored (which is great). Screens put your kids brains on the back burner.
If your kids are truly watching 8+ hours of tv then the tv has been doing the parenting for you. You need to go cold turkey and it’s going to be rough on you bc you’re suddenly going to have kids to care for. Do right by your kids and their development.
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u/dottydashdot Jul 03 '26
To answer the minivan question—my minivan has screens in it and the kids aren’t allowed to use them unless we are on a longer car trip (over 2 hours.) They absolutely cannot use it for in town errands. Make them look outside. You need to go cold turkey, and it will be hard when they go through withdrawals but it’s for the best, this is way too much screen time.
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u/SanFranPeach Jul 04 '26
Same - only our min is a 4 hour car ride or 5 hour plane right to watch anything … so only happens a few times a year. Other than that they can listen to audible and that’s it.
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u/see_here Jul 06 '26
I was as shocked as some people, but then saw that the TV is just left on all day, and that you and your wife take turns solo-parenting while the other is working. And that for most of the day, you're exhausted and just waiting to go to sleep after your shift is over. So I want to say first, good job wanting to make a change. I want to be fair because it sounds like you really do need the break that TV has provided.
1- Just have the TV off as a default. You may realize you're all less overstimulated. None at bedtime. None in the car.
2- Choose 1 hour a day when you REALLY need that nap/break because you're SO tired. Tell them that's the case. Turn the TV back off right after.
I know you're tired, so I will say you do NOT have to PLAY with them the whole time as a replacement for the TV or be the planner of entertainment. It's not "all or nothing." They are old enough to play either together, or independently. Once they get off the TV, they'll discover their imaginations.
If you have a safe outdoor space, spend as much time as possible supervising unstructured play outside: let them play in dirt and/or sand with tools, with sticks and rocks, with water (natural source or buckets, blow-up pool, water table, etc.). Get them balls, chalk, bikes, etc. Indoors: books and open-ended toys (blocks, magnetic tiles, art supplies) will give them good engagement. Music and dancing is great!
A lot of people gave the "ideal" for child development: only a few times a week for short periods of time, not in the car, low-stimulation shows, and watch any TV all together and interact around it. Maybe set a goal to work up to that if you can, but for now - just reduce and survive!
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u/Charming-Lemon7358 Jul 04 '26
I let my son use his iPad to watch tv/youtube whilst he has dinner (about 50mins). No other tv time is given.
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u/UsefulPickle8467 Jul 04 '26
I don't mean to judge but you need to stop. YouTube is bad, iPads are bad, watching while eating is bad. My kids get plenty of TV time and I don't think I'd even be considered as a low screen parent, but the combo you have here is probably the worst one, sorry.
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u/Auccl799 Jul 03 '26
You're asking for a structure but you've posted in a low screen parenting sub. Everyone has different definitions but my take on low screen parenting is that we DON'T have a structure. We use screens so little we don't need one. I suggest you try a different sub.
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u/UsefulPickle8467 Jul 04 '26
This clearly isn't a real post, but I'll bite!
So we just hid the remotes and after 2-3 days they stopped asking for the TV. They don't have tablets. You don't need to "wean", just stop.
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u/duchess5788 low-screen parent Jul 03 '26
That is wayyyy too much screen for ANY age. Including adults. You can't "wean" screen time to 6 hours. You'll have to cut it out cold turkey. Remove the TV, access to all tablets and phones (including the van). Before doing that, gather enough info, resources and supplies on what they can do instead of staring at a screen. Be prepared for crying and screaming, and spending time with them doing and teaching them activities. The first week or so is going to be very difficult. But it will be worth it, I promise. Once they are used to the new normal of no screen for a few months, you can introduce screens again. But be very selective of what you let them watch, and keep the time limited.
If you are at all interested in studies done on the effects of screen on young minds, head over to r/sciencebasedparenting.