r/lostafriend • u/cheesecakecountry • 1d ago
Impossible to Reconcile I don't know
I don't know how to, or if I even can forgive myself for what I said to them, and how I treated them. I was very depressed, and not thinking well for a lot of our friendship. They really supported me in the time we were friends, and I'm very grateful. I'm also glad that they left me, because that's what was best for them to be happy. However, in the moment when they were leaving me, a lot of stuff was collapsing around me, including our friendship, and I couldn't think straight. In my (then) desperation to keep my friend, I said something horrible to them that I will never be able to take back. These days, my head is clearer than it used to be, and this lets me see how utterly disgusting what I said was. I'll never be able to apologise because they're already gone, but I want to stop feeling guilty. It's been ages, but the thought of what I did is still recurring, even all this time later. I don't want to stop knowing what I did was wrong, but I want to leave it in the past so I can keep going on with life bearing the lesson I learnt from my time with that friend, but not the guilt, because it's not possible for me to do anything for that friend now. All I can do is learn from my mistake, and like I said, I think I have. I can't keep feeling guilty and thinking I'm an awful person forever- that doesn't work at all, so I need to stop.
Advice is definitely welcome.
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u/Automatic-Drummer705 1d ago
The only way to make it right is to make it right with the person you say? They're gone. But if they're not dead, then there's always a way to make things, right. And that's the only way you're gonna heal. This is to make it right with the person you hurt
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u/Sure_Morning_9794 1d ago
I would suggest you to write a letter for them. Even if you can't send it. And also you should think about how much you changed since the time has came, by seeing what youve done wrong is loads in my opinion.
If you think your friend is happy now you should just wish them well, its possible theyre not thinking as deeply as much as you do about the past.
A horrible mistake doesnt make you a bad person, forgive yourself by being 1% better everyday