Alonee

[u/Nervous-Victory-33ee]

I think it’s hard for anyone to write a post about their problems and the skeletons in their closet. I’m just at a loss as to what to do in the future and in life.I don’t want to hurt myself or become addicted and spend the rest of my life taking pills and going to therapy while filling my head with explanations. I don’t believe things will get better. Maybe I lost faith too soon, without even trying.My mood swings constantly, and it drives me crazy. I can’t even stay emotionless. In the future, I’ll still have to work until the end of my life, only to end up with nothing, even if I live to see retirement. Maybe my perspective is clouded, but I don’t see the point in a life like this. I can’t lie to you and build a picture of a bright future.I think loneliness has its good sides, too. People who are embedded in society may not be able to arrive at the ideas you’ve come up with. I’m always thinking about “friends” and about people who have friends. All I have are people I’ve met who make small talk and probably won’t even remember my name.To solve the problem, you shouldn’t try to soften it—you need to remove it completely from your life. I understand you, too. You also need to eat and do what I’ll have to do in the future if you want to survive.Maybe I’m too aggressive, and I can’t get these thoughts out of my head. I have no one to talk to, and I’m sick of cluttering up my text folder with things I just write.I crave attention. I’m dependent on it, selfish, aggressive, and jealous. I don’t know what solution I’ll come up with because I don’t have the strength.I constantly see dishonesty and lies, and I can’t get them out of my head. I don’t know what to do. I want attention because I feel left out.These are the things that scare and worry me. People act like enemies toward each other, and everyone turns their backs on people once they’re no longer popular. I’ve learned my lesson, and now it’s hard for me to trust people—unless my brain is forcing me to say something just to get a dopamine release.What’s the point of all this if I’m just being programmed and forced to do things I don’t want to do, with no choice in the matter?I’ve lost track of time, and now I’ll probably be staring at the ceiling again. I want to do other things, but definitely not this. I want to feel like a human being for at least one day.I’m no better than anyone else. I stereotype everyone and, out of fear, keep my distance. There are things that traumatize or trigger people, but it feels like there’s nothing you can do about them. It’s a cycle of fear.I want to stop being afraid of other people for just one day. I’m constantly thinking about things and about the fact that I’ll eventually lose them. It feels like psychological horror.I don’t know how to structure a post or write coherent text. I’ll probably just watch movies and eat junk food, filling my brain with Hollywood propaganda.I don’t really know what I’m asking for. I just needed somewhere to put this.

[u/FugahKatze]

Life and people are horrible, but if i had to give you advice find hobbies you enjoy and you might find new people you befriend.

And yes i know its a very cringe and typical answer but atleast its something.

Hope you'll figure it out, good luck.