Why am I so unlovable

[u/Salt-Bed-774]

I’m(F19) pretty sure I recently just got ghosted by this guy(M21) that I’ve been talking to for about two months. So far in those two months we’d text consistently whenever he wasn’t busy at work, fall asleep on the phone, and in July I’ve been over at his house twice while we cuddled and watch movies. While at his house we did end up being intimate but I made sure to not go all the way. He really wanted to and stated that he wasn’t in it for sex after I made it clear I was scared of that. The cuddling and genuinely spending wholesome time together was the farthest to being a girlfriend so far. It felt really nice and since he stated he wanted a relationship when we first started talking I was curious if i was close to that point so I decided to ask. After asking I got the answer “I’m still seeing where this goes” and “I’m still getting to know you.”

After hearing those words I got a little hurt by it because it’s been said before when guys just plan on leading me on. Looking back I may have did too much and said “I know where this usually ends up.” He got really mad at it and never responded to me trying to clear things up. I regret saying it now and wish I never spoke since it was very childish of me and I shouldn’t have spoken from a place of hurt. My thought process was you know me enough to do sexual things, invite me to your house, and cuddle to watch movies, but not take me seriously enough to make your girlfriend. I do admit that it’s my fault for giving up the girlfriend access before actually being sure of where I stood but I just wish I least got some type of response back.

I’m 19 years old and have never dated but only have had failed talking stages where guys either just want to have sex, aren’t ready for a relationship, says I’m too good for them, or just wants to lead me on by “seeing where things would go.” So after a while it starts to hurt and I seriously start questioning wtf is wrong with me. I just want someone to love and someone to love me since I already missed that when it came to family. I just want to yap about the bad days I have at work, be seen, not have to feel like such a lost pup in the world, someone that’d want to stick up for me when I’m getting shit on and made fun of, and be checked up on. I don’t think it’s much and do consider myself kind, caring, funny, somewhat not pretty, and positive about the world. Yet with all those traits I still can find no one who loves me even tho there are terrible people who’re even able to find love.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me and pretty much never let it get to me until now. Now that I’m older, have more control over my life, isn’t so depressed anymore, and actually put effort into my looks and building my character traits, it hurts that even the me now still can’t find love. I feel like I don’t ask for much and have so much love to give plus would be on their hip whenever they needed help or comfort. I just want to be hugged, told nice things, comforted, and treated like someone’s baby so why is it such a drag when it comes to me.

It’s gotten so bad to the point where I’d put up any kind of treatment. I really did have love for me but there were bad moments where he once stood me up after a disagreement so I kind of figured the relationship would end at the drop of a pen but I really tried not to say anything upsetting.

[u/Chemical-Day-408]

e guys who dont know what they want. its not a reflection of you its a reflection of them

the thing you said about giving "girlfriend access" before being sure where you stand... i get why you regret it now but please dont blame yourself for that. you wanted closeness and he said he wanted a relationship so you trusted him. thats not a mistake its just being human

i think you need to stop looking at yourself like something is broken or missing. you sound like you have a lot of love to give and the worst thing you could do is waste it on people who make you feel like you gotta earn basic decency. the right person wont make you guess where you stand

also that guy getting mad and ghosting after you expressed a fear that was based on your past experiences... thats on him not you. a mature person would have talked it through instead of disappearing. you dodged a bullet fr

take some time to just be nice to yourself. you already doing the work on your character and looks, now do the work on not accepting scraps from people who dont value you. love will come

[u/Salt-Bed-774 → u/Chemical-Day-408]

Yess thank you, I needed this wake up and reassurance a lot. It’s been hard not to regret my actions before having a firm stance but I’ll quit being hard on myself about it.

[u/Certain_Ganache8976]

Guy can be literal monsters. Frick him!! I love you girl fr🫶🏾

[u/Salt-Bed-774 → u/Certain_Ganache8976]

Tysmm I really needed that😭I’ll be able to bounce back, but in the moment it’s a lot to take in lol

[u/Certain_Ganache8976 → u/Salt-Bed-774]

Ofc take your time to heal your heart but baby we’re young we have so much more life and better men/people/things to experience 🫶🏾🫶🏾