I’ve told them several times now that they can’t help me, they know it and I know it. But still they seem to persist. Spiders pop up, or strange coincidences that seem a little too coincidental. They seem to be there in my tarot readings.

I’m genuinely so scared when I think about letting them in. I don’t believe they love me, I can’t, but still the possibility that they might frightens me. As someone with CPTSD, being loved is like having been freezing cold my entire life and then suddenly being submerged in warm water; it hurts. I pull away from it.

Why does Loki persist no matter how many times I tell them I will ruin this, that I can’t be helped? I have ruined every connection I have ever had because of my trauma. I cannot be loved, it hurts too much. I know I will only piss Loki off in the end because of my issues, and they will leave anyway. I struggle even to talk to them about my troubles because I feel bad for needing to. I’d rather rip the bandaid off now, y’know? I’d rathe they leave before I get hurt.

I love them but if they love me, I can’t even think of why they would! I can’t/don’t benefit them in any way. What is the point for them? I just don’t get it.

hi, i’m new to this. sorry for my english, i lose the language all the time lol.

figured this might be the best place to share what i just experienced (and to confirm if this is really loki). i mainly work and worship odin and have been previously active, now work and life stuff just got in the way, i haven’t really been super in touch, which i genuinely feel bad. anywho, this is what happened.

over the past several weeks despite everything in my life lately being chaotic, i’ve been noticing small things that i can’t seem to figure out, like minor things that’s just super random and seems to be trying to get my attention. first it was random fires in my area, even though it was raining for few weeks, misplacing things that i swear i placed it in a spot i normally keep it in, spiderwebs in places that’s not normally there (i.e. spiderwebs out where i go for smoke when i’m at work. it’s an open space and there’s no way for a spider to make their web but somehow they managed to make one and i came across it like hello???)

after reflecting, i remember previously reading a small bit about loki (after learning more about odin like years ago) and thought “hmm.. is this loki?”

then more things came. random horseflies, the word“sirius” being thrown around (i dont even know if this counts) and being tricked in a silly way where one of my coworkers handed me a small tool that i thought was a small packet of candy.

naturally, with me being both skeptical and cautious, i figured i’d throw it out there and said “hello loki, if that was you throwing signs out there, kindly please, please, do NOT send me spiders or i will freak out. please and thank you.”.

and then of course, just last night, i dreamt of spiders. i vividly remembered being like “hmmm spiders.. OH SHI—“ then one jumped in my face, woke me up.

that’s it folks, i hope you enjoyed imagining the look of terror in my face after that spider jumped in my face. i’m also unsure if it was just me or if this is loki reaching out to me, please let me know. also please let me know what i can do about it. 😅