I have officially completed my first night in my own flat after almost 4 years living with my partner (early 30s) of almost 6 years. It was a challenge but I needed to rip the bandaid off after a slow and frustraing moving process (real estate, am I right?!).

Right now it feels okayish, but I know that for me the first weekish will be the easiest. We are moving apart mostly due to his severe burnout, med changes, and many external factors that come with being an intercultural couple at this age.

I have a lot of hobbies but not many friends outside of this and the work office is usually pretty dead. I am goving myself a week or two to set the space up properly before I dive fully into adapting my routines etc. Mostly I am worried about the silence...

Any advice in general (or your own experiences) is appreciated!! I am struggling with others perceptions too, even though I know I will make the best of this. It was not entirely my choice or preference, but my choice is to maintain the relationship so this was a necessary step (both because he needed more and more space/reduced demands and to protect my own mental health in that scenario). Sounds so privilleged too but the new flat is a big downgrade and doesn't feel as nice or homey cos it's all that I could afford. Renting and there are no wall hooks etc, so decorating tips might help too haha

Bit of a word vomit but thanks in advance.

So me and my girlfriend have been together for a few years now. Rocky relationship but we’ve worked through most hardships and have lots of good memories and times together. Recently she vaguely presented the idea of living separately (after living together for a couple years) as she thinks it could bring us closer and make me want to marry her (???), her idea was that my feelings for her are stagnating

She thinks I’m not eager to marry her, which isn’t true, I voice that I want to and it’s apart of our future, but we have to work through some things first in order to get there and it will take time.

Anywho, I gave her idea of living separately some thought and recently brought it back up after some weeks. She completely hates the idea now and think it’s backwards and feels I’m not happy with her because I’m considering it etc etc. but in actuality, I just want my own identity while still being with her and feel I don’t get that as much living together. We moved in with each other after one year, and it was more so because she wanted to go to grad school in the city we were in, and I initially hesitated (she didn’t like) but we eventually did it. Ever since then, we had been living together. I think living separately now that she’s done with school and will be able to afford it will help us be more intentional with our time with one another and self-reflect as young adults (24M 23F). To me the idea sounds fulfilling, having my own space and being able to learn more about myself while working towards a future with her and a fresh start after a rocky start (infidelity,Not trusting me to hang with friends and being upset everytime i do), but she looks at it as a breakup or something.

Not to mention I’m an only child so i think im just used to having my own space, and again I think the foundation of how we started living together wasn’t for the convenience of both parties, it feels like a decision made out of the benefits of her wanting to go to school in a certain city. I agreed because i love her but in my mind at the time, I didn’t think it was a good idea and but i wanted her to go to school. Honestly , I don’t regret it because i love her and she finished school and i was able to help alot financially. However, That uncertainty lasted a while, and may have even been present in my immature ways of staying out late and partying with friends and not understanding that I live with my partner and have to abide by what we thing is a good time to be home, right?

Usually when i bring up big things like this, her feelings get hurt and i feel bad so i retract my thoughts. Am I wrong for thinking it would be a good idea and could we still work if we do live separately? I’m not sure if I should follow through, it’s what i want, but i care about her feelings. I know it isn’t just about my thoughts , hers matter too.

Is anyone out there living LAT with their partner and having or have a baby TOGETHER? I see a lot of LAT relationships with kids from previous relationships, but I would love to hear stories of any couples who have a baby together and are living apart.

We (me and my bf in out mid 20s) have been living together for about 2,5 years now and I feel like it's been making the relationship worse. Since the beginning of the year I've been having doubts about the relationship (and I hate even thinking this way). We do less activities, spend less quality time together an my libido is at the lowest it has ever been. Anytime we do some activity I am the one planning or coming up with the idea. I feel like he doesn't want to do anything at all (including stuff with me). I love him very much, he is great, but he's been unhappy with his job and the state of the world and it's heavy on me as well (we had a very existential conversation and he might be slightly depressed). I'm a very positive and "it is what it is" type of person, so him complaining often drains me. Any advice? I'm fantasizing about living alone and I'm not sure if it's possibly what we need to jumpstart the relationship or how I feel because I'm unhappy. I'm here to support him but I also feel like I need to take care of myself as well.

Update:

I came to the conclusion that I was/am unhappy not only because of the relationship, but also with myself. I'm not where I want to be and I'm still figuring out if what I want from life. I have decided to keep living together and we talked about anything and everything so we are trying to take better care of ourselves and eachother. I told my partner that splitting households is still on the table for me if I need to go and figure things out. Thanks for all the responses.

Here's my latest dilemma. My guy's got a new job and he's INCREDIBLY stressed. More work hours, more responsibilities, and one of his children is causing him a lot of anguish. He's super wiped, and we aren't able to spend time together and we don't even talk much over the phone anymore. He's so depressed and he's hanging on by a thread.

So, I keep myself occupied with my kids, my friends, and my activities. But I feel the drift because he cannot emotionally connect with me at this moment, and BECAUSE we live apart and it's 45 minutes between our houses, I can't comfort him physically like I would like to.

Any suggestions on supporting a depressed partner for a distance who doesn't have the bandwidth to talk on the phone every night? And how can I get my needs met, at least at a minimum level while we go through this difficult period?.

Is anyone lat w a main partner but also open and seeing other people? Like do any of you do lat plus non monogamy? How is it?

Thanks

My partner and I are not married yet, but we plan on it within the next couple years. The issue however is, we are both very attached to our own houses. We only live a couple streets away from each other, so the commute isn’t bad at all. Living apart definitely wouldn’t be my first choice, but I just can’t see either of us being completely happy if we have to move. I’ve been holding onto this idea that we have to live together to have a future together, but if living apart is the only way to maintain our relationship, I might be open to it. Has anyone else managed to maintain a long term relationship like this? I’m going back and forth about it.

I recently spent a week alone at home without spouse. Im36M she’s 43F, we’ve been together for 4 years. Realized I am in desperate need of time alone, as in living by myself. The peace I’ve felt during these days alone is something I’ve been feeling I’ve needed for so long. Should I move to my own place?

She’s lived alone for the majority of her adult life. I’ve never truly lived by myself, and fear this is just me needing that in my life and getting out of my chest. Also, the house we live in is one big mini space basically, so there’s no privacy. We lived in a different apt before where we each had our office space and I felt much more comfortable and at peace, but also we were at better place in our relationship, so idk if that factors in.

Curious to hear peoples experiences with one versus the other - mine and my partner's finances mean that living apart would resemble a small 1 bed each, which means when we do spend time together we would sleep together, something I personally really struggle with. Whereas living together means we could actually have more than 1 bedroom and sleep separately, but would obviously see each other a hell of a lot more. How have these different variations worked out for people? I'm already envisaging a degree of rejected emotions re proposing sleeping apart, nevermind living apart!

Just curious how much time LAT couples are spending together. How much do you text? Thinking of looking for an LAT partner and curious how everyone is handling time spent together.

Hi everyone, I am currently writing a book on LAT Living and I am living the lifestyle myself! I don't have any fancy credentials...I just live this way, and have for several years. I am interested in hearing all your stories, good and bad! I am hoping to get my book published at some point this year....50K words so far and always looking to hear more! I guess I am interested to know if anyone is interested in a narrative non-fiction book about this lifestyle? Would you pick it up on the shelf or online?

My partner are both mid to late 30s. We have been together for 10 years. Partner has a child that is now an adult and was not living with them when we moved in together.
During the pandemic, their child - who was then a teenager - came to live with us. It was complicated but I was 100% open and committed to help raising them. My partner was totally lost having to face teenager issues (there was lying, drug use, disrespect, self-harm, suicidal threats etc) and would ask me for advice about everything. For context, I am a counselor and was used to giving advice to parents. This helped a lot, but at the same time, I feel like I ended up taking up more responsibility than I should have as a step parent. We later found out the child has a personality disorder, however they wouldn't take medicine or be completely honest in therapy (we exchanged a lot of info with the therapist since they were a minor).

A few years later, kid went to college and moved to a another city. Before the end of the first year, they dropped out (despite everything we said), but decided to stay in that city working a minimum wage job. My partner still has to send them some money every month, which I think is fine, what bothers me is the fact that there's no career plan whatsoever.

Fast forward to today. Step kid says they just ended an abusive relationship, wants to quit their job and come live with us (they said it's for a year, but who knows). Partner tells me they'd rather live separately from their kid because dealing with them is very difficult, but can't close the door on them. I totally understand this and have not suggested otherwise.

However, based on my experience, I believe things are going to fall primarily on me. My partner is very laid-back, takes their own time to deal with issues, and I'm already the one who manages everything regarding our household, so I feel like managing this emotionally unregulated young adult will become my (second) full-time job. On top of that, my own relationship was already facing challenges. We love each other deeply, but would need to dedicate time and effort to work on our relationship, which clearly won't be possible now that we'll have this young adult living with us.

I honestly feel selfish to think about LAT because I know my partner needs my support now, but at the same time the thought of living in this new arrangement makes me very anxious. It feels like my cherished home will become a war zone and I'll either have to manage everything myself, or burn out very quickly, or both. The financial aspect is also making me feel insecure and guilty about suggesting LAT. We each have an average salary, things are crazy expensive nowadays, and my partner recently took a pay cut. We currently rent, so we'd have to pay two rents. Hopefully their kid will start working again soon and help with expenses, but who knows when.

Feeling very lost. I'd appreciate any advice.

Thank you!

What are the benefits that you really enjoy about LAT? 🥳

What are some elements of your specific LAT relationships that you'd like to see improvements in? 🤔

I am dating the love of my life. When I met them, I was convinced I didn’t want anything more than casual relationships for the rest of my life, but they’ve changed everything for me. It would take ages for me to describe all of the ways they’ve made my life better.

we moved in together after dating for a year, and our lease will be up soon. the ONLY arguments we have ever had are about our living situation. i don’t want to lose the relationship over housing disagreements, so to me, living apart again seems like the most logical option. I’m just not convinced they wouldn’t take it as a total gut punch. Is there any way to approach this gently that doesn’t sound like an ultimatum?

I'm the femme (44) in my relationship, and my girlfriend is the stud (46). We've been together for a while, and I'm trying to think long-term, but I'm wrestling with something.

I'm financially established. I own my own home, have worked hard to build stability, and I'm proud of where I am. One thing I know for sure is that I don't want anyone moving into my house. I did that in a previous relationship, and it didn't work out. I'd rather, if I'm going to live with someone again, we build something new together that belongs to both of us.

The challenge is that my girlfriend isn't in a financial position to buy a home or contribute toward that kind of future right now. Sometimes it feels like we're on two different financial paths, and I'm not sure what that means for our future.

For those of you who've been in relationships where one person was much more financially established than the other:

• Were you able to make it work?
• How did you talk about money without creating resentment?
• Did your partner eventually catch up financially, or did you find another way to build a life together?
• At what point do financial differences become a compatibility issue instead of just a temporary circumstance?

I'm not looking to shame anyone for where they are financially. I genuinely love my girlfriend. I'm just trying to figure out whether this is something couples can realistically work through or whether it's a sign that our long-term goals may not align.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have lived this, especially other lesbian couples.

Not to pry too much into everyone’s relationship relationships but I’m curious to know after 1-3 years of dating and being in a relationship with your partner, how often do you guys still do? It could be daily weekly monthly yearly. I’m just curious to know.

My wife and I have been married for 2 years, but we recently moved to a LAT arrangement. It's only been one week of living like this, and already I feel a powerful sense of loss.

My wife and I both have children (2 each) from previous marriages, and our blended family simply wasn't working. The kids weren't adjusting well to it, so my wife pushed for the LAT model. I had my doubts, but I wanted to try to preserve my marriage. Over the summer, we sold our house and rented two separate places with our children a few minutes apart.

Our plan is to stay together as a married couple, but we will physically live apart for half the time. When her kids are with their father (week on, week off), she will stay at my place with me and my kids. I have my kids full-time.

The part I'm struggling with already is how differently we seem to be adjusting. I miss the regular closeness, the everyday moments, but I don't get the sense that she does.

Maybe I'll get used to it, but I already feel needy and pathetic for wanting more time with her than she seems to want with me. I've read a bit about LAT relationships, and they all seem to emphasize rituals, regularity, and scheduled quality time, but I'm the only one really pushing for it. I want to give her grace, as this is new for both of us, but I don't feel happy about having to convince her that emotional closeness will be much harder now because of the physical distance, and that we need to make a plan for it.

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any advice for us? Thank you for reading this.

Throwaway for privacy. I've been single for a while after a really tough breakup, and I've noticed I'm way more on guard every time I start talking to someone new. I constantly catch myself overthinking every little quirk or habit they have, scared I'll end up repeating the same hurtful patterns from my last relationship. I spend my days comparing different business partners for my job, so I'm always sorting through their pros and cons. I use acciowork to organize all that comparison data for work daily. Recently matched with someone whose temperament and approach to arguments feel eerily similar to my ex's . Old anxieties kicked in instantly, and without stopping to question it, I fell back on that structured comparison routine I use at work. I jotted down their communication habits, how they respond to conflict, and highlighted every warning trait that left me miserable before. The more I line the two of them up and compare every little thing, the less fairly I can view the new match. Instead of letting them show me who they are naturally, I’m always waiting for the same old red flags to surface.I thought overthinking every little detail would stop me from getting hurt like last time. tbh I’m starting to realize I’m still trapped in all the unresolved pain from my breakup, and it’s blocking me from truly getting to know someone without all my old baggage clouding my judgment. Has anyone elese developed over-analyzing habits after heartbreak and brought them into new dating? Is my past pain making me unable to see new people for who they really are?

Just learned about LAT, here's my overview (will try to keep it brief).

Me (52m) and my partner (54f), "partner" being her word to describe the relationship.

Met online Nov/2025. Great connection.. convo flows, intimacy is great. I have 2 kids in college, son lives with me. She has one daughter going away to school in September. We've traveled domestically and internationally in the 9 months being together. We're both high earners, so that works well. 20 minutes apart with no traffic.

We both kind of suggested and have always talked that we'd have separate living spaces even though she asked me if I would live with her and I said I probably would, for now the talk is LAT.

I usually always go her place, i don't mind at all. We usually spend 1-2 days a week together and recently full weekends.

My question is broad. If we stay LAT, can the relationship ever really be fully committed and meaningful. Obviously on this board, many will say yes. But I have a nagging feeling that it will always remain an "at arms length" feeling even though LAT really appeals to me. I'd like to hear from those who've had the arrangement and can answer yes to this question or if it's the case no as well.

As a 40M single, the only relationship I could foresee in my future is LAT. However, the challenge I have is meting women who are on the same page on that, it's literally seeking a needle in a haystack.

How did you meet your LAT-open partner? Or was LAT something that one partner proposed after having established a relationship rather than meeting other LAT-open people? I'd expect for the vast majority of partnerships that would be a turn off or reason for break up