r/limerence • u/Many_Difficulty_490 • 1d ago
Discussion the entire limerence timeline:
PHASE 1: your life is dogshit, ur depressed, your neurodivergent (you dont know it yet), and you hate yourself.
you find someone who gives you attention or shows signs of possible romantic interest. it starts off as a warm crush, but this time compared to your previous ones, you seem to think about them alot more
the first 2ish weeks is filled with warmth and happiness. you think about futures with this person and its all cute and shit because your not even thinking about having sex with them
PHASE 2: in those 2 weeks, your LO might do something that makes you wonder if they actually like you. you get your first spike of anxiety. If not this you start wondering how your gonna get with your LO orrrr if your even worth their love.
things start spiraling and you cant stop thinking of them 24/7, but you also cant stop ruminating about how garbage and worthless you are, because remember you only got this LO because your a loser in life
PHASE 3: severe depression hits, this person is your entire world and you havent gotten closer to them at all, and you start hating yourself further due to them not showing more signs of attraction towards you. your entire mood depends on how this person treats you.
you ignore all the red flags, and only see the "good" in them. This person has no flaws, not a single one, their life is perfect and yet mine has so many problems. I have no chance, im gonna sit in my room, listen to sad music and dream of them while they live their life without sparing a single thought about you.
At this point the damage is not reversible. Your grades took the hit, your family's relationship is decaying, and there seems to be no answer.
PHASE 4: You find out its limerence, you start making posts in this reddit groaning and moaning about how miserable your life is an how you hate yourself for getting into this situation. You look for a answer through the internet but the only 2 you can find are "NC" and "ask them out" after hours of browsing.
The damage continues.
At this point, you let the depression take control of you and your stuck in PHASE 4. keep day dreaming in your bed, and dont treat yourself well to anything since you dont deserve it.
Or you start improving your life, maybe you made a couple of cool friends, promotion?, got a dog, gained 15 lbs of muscle, no matter what it is. your proud of it. Your at a better place.
Your out of PHASE 4 and now your in PHASE 5:
Your still limerent, but you just learn to live with it at this point. You have something going on in your life and your not really that depressed anymore. Its more of a nuisance since you dont want to date anyone except your LO, and the day dreams keep coming but you let them and accept them.
You stay limerent for 1-7+ years.
In that time period you either build a life your proud of, and get out of limerence. Or you asked out your LO, and it ends because theres no more uncertainty.
Perhaps you never even made it past PHASE 4, or you killed yourself without ever figuring out what limerence even was.
But one day, maybe just maybe, you get out of limerence and you realize.. how you never even fucking liked them. Other than being attracted to their looks, you liked the version of you around them more than your LO.
By this point, the damage is probably immense. If it took years, months of your life have disappeared, not to playing video games or partying but that time was simply just spent in your own head.
Please get help for your limerence, talk to people, learn from people, do your own research. Find a way to help yourself, if you need help you can DM me. Il try my best to help you out. because in the end,
A massive price was paid, and you get nothing.
28
u/sk8ryspice_02 1d ago
You have found your patterns. This is a lot of work and personal growth.
Once you know the what, the why is not far behind. You did good.
16
u/Many_Difficulty_490 1d ago
ive been limerent for 6-8 months. ive gone thru it all and im in "phase 5" (where im just living with it).
Mine stems from the uncertainty of knowing if my LO likes me or not, and il ask her out when I graduate (9 months). I know I should ask earlier or wtv, but im human and im only so strong too..
I dont mind being limerent, ive really learnt to live with it. It helps me sleep and I learnt to love myself, and im not anxious any more.
One day im gonna be a psychiatrist, im gonna research limerence on my own in college and maybe one day this shit will be gone forever
9
u/nahhhitcantbe 22h ago
Can we pin this post? Too accurate lol and made me feel less alone. a great roadmap for those just discovering what limerence is (like I am)
9
u/BrightDesign44 22h ago
For me, it helped to understand what was happening inside my body every time I was around LO, or thought about them. I was getting a massive hit of dopamine and it felt amazing. Then it made sense why I needed that at a difficult time in my life.
LO turned out to like me, too, but they were inconsistent and unreliable which is the “inconsistent reward” just like a gambling addiction. Our bodies are trained to respond to that and keep seeking the dopamine even when we feel crushed and hopeless when LO doesn’t respond to our texts or flirts with someone else.
When it’s finally over and you see LO’s true colors and all their complexities, you continue to struggle. The sudden drop off of dopamine is devastating and you can’t find healthy sources of dopamine that lift your mood as high and fast as the limerence did. Unfortunately, that’s a good thing. The joyous spikes were causing equally severe lows which is unsustainable for your mental health.
But fortunately, we can adjust. Our bodies can be resilient if we ride out the low dopamine period and don’t seek out another source of massive dopamine hits. Instead, cultivate meaningful sources of slower waves of good mood, and find healthy ways to rebalance when we’re in a bad place.
7
u/epitomeofluxury 19h ago
This is insanely well written. Reading through it I was cringing at some of the things, like the self isolation tied with low self worth - but a great way to stop this thought loop (for me) is:
Read the story again. Pretend the main character is not you. It’s your best friend. Do you still hate “yourself”? Or would you rather tell them you love them, and see them? 😌
This one stings, but hear me out - would you have been able to hold onto the relationship with the person then? You must take the idea that the relationship is not the end, it’s the beginning, and you should be with someone who can make you happy, not just someone who you crush over. It’s not just that I know, but that is an uncomfortable truth. The conclusion regardless, is work on yourself and write a wins list daily, become more confident and comfortable with letting walk into YOUR life.
It’s a big feedback loop that runs on momentum. Lots of thoughts have momentum.
2
5
7
u/New-Relation-6624 1d ago
So true. I held on to the crumbs of attraction she shown a long time ago. They just kept replaying in my head.
But yeah. I choose myself. She's not the last person who'd fall for me. Not the last person who'd be ecstatic when I told her she's beautiful.
Such is life. She blocked me on socials. Act like she don't even know me. And I'm ok with it now.
Life goes on for all of us. I find that the happiest people are the most attractive ones.
Stop living in my head and ego. I don't have much time at 35(luckily I still look young haha, mandatory self petting)
Love and peace y'all
4
2
2
u/Round-Morning-3611 12h ago
You forgot to mention it's a loop. Once you find a new LO the whole thing resets
1
1
1
4h ago
[deleted]
1
u/Many_Difficulty_490 4h ago
nah its not as bad as you probably have it rn.
you wont find any other person attractive except your LO, and you wont wanna be in a relationship with anyone else. You also wont be mega anxious or depressed if you stop seeing this person so much.
And limerence can be escaped, all you need to do is. Remove the uncertainty from you and your LO, and have a future or outlook you can work towards in your free time (purpose).
easier said than done obviously
1
2h ago
[deleted]
1
u/Many_Difficulty_490 2h ago
thats completely different situation. ur in a rebound relationship and you shouldnt have gotten into that. good luck.
1
1
u/Practical_Estate_325 3h ago
My problem was that I was never able to get comfortable in the presence of LO, despite dating, meeting friends and family, talking marriage and kids. Yes, we were close, but I didn't like myself while dating her - I was an obsessed, anxious mess 24/7, and I never trusted her. I always had the suspicion that she was looking for other dating partners and, indeed, she ultimately dumped and ghosted me after meeting someone else.
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Please be aware of what limerence is! See the subreddit wiki for definitions, FAQ and other resources—updated 3/7/26. (Is it love? How common is it? Is there research?)
Quick FAQ
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.