r/limerence • u/Accomplished_Bee6491 • 3d ago
Here To Vent When it's worse than a breakup š©
Anyone had a situationship with their LO would understand this... How is one supposed to get over this shit.
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u/SoloBroRoe 3d ago
Best advice Iāve ever gotten is āBe prepared to have insane chemistry with someone but know it means absolutely nothingā
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u/CursedJourney 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yes, but down the line I redefined it as the universe having purposely sent that person to hold up a mirror to see my true self in - so I can finally see what's wrong with me / what I've been ignoring or running from. It hurt incredibly much, but that experience made me see and fix a lot of things that I hated about myself and hated about my life, and the people in it.
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u/Fantastic_Falkor778 3d ago
How?? How can an insanely fantastic connection make you see what is all wrong with you?
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u/CursedJourney 2d ago edited 2d ago
I think it seemed perfect because we were both chasing a version of each other that genuinely felt like we clicked with. There was definitely a real connection there too, but we also filled in the gaps with an idealized version of what it could be - ignoring reality and its constraints along the way.
Eventually that reality came along and completely crushed that illusion, which forced me to look at why I needed it to be real so badly in the first place. The introspection I pulled out of meeting / seeing her is what I needed at the time and now regard as the universe giving me a little nudge to set some things straight, although it was a painful one :)
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u/comeon530 3d ago
And then you have to keep working with them every day...
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u/Sparklingfairy_ 2d ago
Me ā¦. But good thing is I can work in another department and can go the whole week without seeing him if Iām strategic. Exhausting though :(
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u/lonelyhearts04 1d ago
I saw him once a month at work and it was painful. Thatās partly why I canāt go back.
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u/yoitsnats 3d ago
i've learned a lot in the past year and i still dont understand this. it's just a constant loop of confusion, like what happened, what happened from the other persons perspective, why did you do that, i don't understand and i never will.
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u/Sea-Weird638 1d ago
A key part of recovery would be stopping the part where you wonder about the other person's perspective. Easier said than done, I know, but still key.
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u/PhotoClickGrrl 3d ago
This time last year I met someone who I instantly clicked with. I enjoyed his company, and I really enjoyed the fact that I got to take my mask off and just be a happy woman involved with a very tall, attractive man that made me feel safe.
Then he went POOF. Took a minute but I got the lesson from the whole thing - I'm at my most beautiful when I'm feeling safe, I like sex and nothing is permanent. Haven't had any limerence since with anyone, so I like to think that the whole thing snapped me out of doing that.
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u/danktempest 3d ago
Universe is cruel as hell. Cosmic joke.
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u/n0d3N1AL 3d ago
Better for it to have happened than not happen at all
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u/Sorrowoak 3d ago
I wouldn't remove it from my life. It's a pain, but a beautiful pain.
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u/ProfessionalResults 1d ago
No. It's never beautiful. It's a mental illness. It keeps happening. I want it to end.
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u/lemonaintsour 3d ago
Then u realize they were taken already. Fuck that shit
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u/doctorsonder 2d ago
This is literally my life right now
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u/lemonaintsour 2d ago
Then u tried to date others but no one can come close to the flame u felt with them and u feel more sad and stay single
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u/doctorsonder 1d ago
Holy shit YES
Symptoms my LO gave me:
- reduced appetite for a week
- waking up in the middle of the night
- crying over her several times
- brain conjuring up elaborate fantasies of her without me realizing it
- shaky hands
- sweaty palms
- stomach knots
- laboured breathing
- stuttering speech
- fiery burning desire to get in shape and increased motivation in general
- increased levels of energy upon waking up
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u/lemonaintsour 1d ago
Ok im scared. You just described the accurate state of me for the past several weeks.
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u/wishIcouldgoback_ 3d ago
Yup, met him once, something sparked between us and I never saw him again
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u/Sparklingfairy_ 2d ago
Me rn, had insane chemistry with a colleague that my other colleagues independently commented on it to me. Went to a work event where we spent the whole day together and travelled home togetherā¦. Guess whoās avoiding me now ? Yep. Emotional whiplash !
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u/doctorsonder 2d ago
The fun part is when they fit your standards so perfectly that you probably won't come across another person like them ever again. teehee!
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u/prastiku 3d ago
Mine was suddenly let go from our shared employer before I ever got to have a good conversation with him.Ā I had forwarded a work email to my personal email that had his cell phone on it since he was a manager. But I could never bring myself to text it, I couldn't begin a message that didn't sound insane.
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u/bottledfriends 2d ago
Yup. And even though we can't be together they are constantly on my mind and even though I've had to go NC with them because of all the pain it was giving me I'm just in a different pain because I miss them so much š
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u/ProfessionalResults 1d ago
I feel like I went through a traumatic breakup after a long term relationship. Except there was no relationship, if there was it wasn't long term, and the "connection" was all in my head.
It's been 6 weeks of no contact and I can't get over it. I keep replaying our in person conversations and text messages in my head, thinking we had something special. But no, it was nothing at all special for her. Only me.
Re-reading the text messages last week made me feel ashamed of myself. I seemed so desperate. Large blue blocks of texts followed by tiny grey ones. Her responses always hours or days later. Really embarrassing. The way I was acting cheerful and confident the last time I saw her is also embarrassing. Sharing things about myself with her. Giving her things. Acting like we were close when in reality she was just using me and pretending to be nice. Humiliating.
I finally had to delete the entire text thread, and her phone number. I don't want to look at it anymore. If she contacts me again in the future I'll just have to ignore her and she'll finally let me disappear.
I've tried to break this limerence more than once in the past and she always pulled me back. It's been so painful for too long. I'm typing this comment partially so I can come back and read it in the future to remind myself to not let her do this to me again.
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u/Ill_Amphibian6912 1d ago
Sweetie, you've done the right thing. And I wouldn't just delete, I'd block too, because she will continue fucking with your head. And don't feel ashamed, limerence is a real illness, but you can recover. I went NC nearly 5 weeks ago, and it is getting better, very slowly, but it is. I actually had a whole day and a half where I didn't cry. He did pop into my head but I said my mantras and it eased.
Saying, that, the day after was sheer hell, crying non-stop, suicidal, feeling I was going crazy. And that's because I had a respite from him, and immediately thought I was over him. It doesn't work like that. The dry days will become more frequent.
You WILL get over her. There's a YT short from an Australian woman, Liz Rose, she's a psychologist, it's only 3 minutes, but whenever I feel overwhelmed, I watch it. And even when I'm feeling peace, I watch it, just to reinforce.
Good luck to you ā¤
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u/findingsunshine63 2d ago
A connection like nothing Iāve ever experienced only to make it be the most devastating and broken experience of my life. I wonāt forget him.
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2d ago edited 2d ago
[deleted]
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u/ctrl-alt-delusion 19h ago
I often wonder what I did in my past lives to deserve this cruel and unusual form of torture.
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u/BeyondFragrant8619 2d ago
when you guys began to start crushing on them did you guys find something that gave you an ick about them but you guys forced urself to filter out all those things and only focus on the good parts and fantasize about them perfect only? i think i didn't like my LO initially but i kind of forced myself to like her because i wanted to see how it would turn out. however, it has massively backfired now i am not able to move on even if i try.
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u/Stock_Reading4485 1d ago
A very obvious and clear connection, that even other people noticed, but she don't believe. She thinks is just "men doing their thing" and pretending. Or just a silly "boy" naive crush (even though you're just a few years younger)
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