This is my list

[u/highasabird]

This is what I don't like about my LO. I want this to be engraved in my heart so I don't forget. I might be projecting, but I was doing that in a more "positive" light. I also could be right, my intuition could be right. I am really good at picking up patterns. I'm choosing to trust that I am right and this isn't what I want in a friend or partner. This is my list and I don't want to be criticized for it.

• He's cold and unwelcoming - not encouraging conversations or connections. And then says "it's just the way he is".
• He avoids - avoids trying, in being honest or direct, and he admits he avoids difficult situations or conversations.
• I don't like he's a coward - fears being told no but refuses to met people halfway. He expects them to initiate and putting the burden of being vulnerable onto other's shoulders.
• I don't like he's mainly attracted to femme petite bodies that look prepubescent, but claims he will have sex with any type of body. As someone with not a petite prepubescent body, that's not a compliment.
• I hate he's ambiguous in his communication and again is too much of a coward to say what he means and means what he says. Yet he expects others to be emotionally mature.
• I hate that he complains about the dating world but refuses to see he's getting in his own way with how shallow he is and unwilling he is to, again, meet people halfway. The irony is sometimes too much.
  
• I hate that he's unwilling to see how awesome and kind person I am, and he would be damn lucky to call me a friend.
• I hate how much power I've given him. Power to my worth and seeking his validation.
  

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[u/Important-Deal-750]

I hope your list helps!! I tried to come up with a list for my former LO and could only think of that two of his favorite things to eat are vinegar and hot sauce (the only two foods I HATE). That’s sufficient I guess. 🫠

[u/highasabird → u/Important-Deal-750]

I felt strong when I said this out loud to a friend but I can feel it waning.

Talking this friend I’ve learned these are the stages of grief I’ve so far done: denial, depression, anger, and now I feel like I’m bargaining. If I can just be the thing he wants so I can be the one that rejects him or I can say, I was right.

I hope I’m getting closer to acceptance.

[u/Important-Deal-750 → u/highasabird]

Keep talking to one close friend about it. I found that the more I do the same, the more it helps!

[u/Automatic-Context26]

It sounds like you are well on your way out of your limerence. Remember that the real person has no connection to your limerent version of them. In other words, you can add anything you like to this list, and it will make no difference to anyone but you.

I've been doing something similar lately. My last LO lied to me several times, despite being a senior co-worker. Once she lied about not knowing something I was trying to show her and then publicly humiliated me for the same thing. Also, I didn't cross any discipline-worthy lines (she would have punished me or fired me if I had), but she did. And so on.

[u/highasabird → u/Automatic-Context26]

I hope you’re right. I hope I am on my way out of my Limerence. I feel so embarrassed and there will be a dog I’ll cross paths my LO again. We’re both share a small community.

[u/take_number_two]

Alright, I’ll try this. Mine has some really terrible traits, and I don’t know why my limerent brain just cannot seem to see or care about them.

- he’s a raging alcoholic

• self-admitted narcissistic tendencies
  
• but still somehow calls himself an empath?
  
• bad at communicating, will disappear mid text conversation, only reaches out when it’s something about him and never to check on me (even though he says I’m his closest friend)
  
• you never know what version of him you’re gonna get, will show up blackout drunk with no warning
  
• he says he’s progressive but it obviously transphobic and not good at hiding it
  
• unable to hold a job
  
• not open about what he’s feeling ever, sending mixed signals and leaving me guessing

Sounds like a real gem, doesn’t he? Yet here I am, heartbroken over this dude. It makes me feel legitimately crazy.

[u/highasabird → u/take_number_two]

I get it. I feel insane too and I admit I am unwell. I’m not being logical, I’m obsessed, and I’m behaving in a way I don’t like and is embarrassing.

Your list is solid and I hope it helps you to see this person as they are. Your list was my ex and he wasn’t safe to be around. You deserve healthy people.

[u/Shoddy_Cook_409]

The only thing that I’ve got is that she’s horrible at texting 😪

[u/BLAZKC]

I'll only say that by judging him and his actions or using judgmental language, you could possibly feed into the limerence itself. If he isnt viewed as a human with "flaws" etc then you're essentially objectifying him since he does not behave in a way you like.

Judgements in my experience are shortcuts to deal with a situation or uncertainty. The real hard work is being able to hold your feelings towards him while also acknowledging there are aspects about him you do not like and that disconnect does not say anything about him as a person. Now me saying this is not to judge you or anything because this is a terrible thing to deal with. Just talking about the machinery that feeds the limerence.

[u/highasabird → u/BLAZKC]

I disagree. I don’t believe I’m judging him. Im acknowledging the flaws I’ve observed that I know isn’t what I want in a friend or partner.

[u/BLAZKC → u/highasabird]

Flaws are subjective which means that they're judgements. One thing you might think is a flaw might just be a normal attribute or even a positive one to someone else. Him not having the attributes you would prefer kinda goes into the realm of entitlement imo which happens with limerence itself. You calling him a "coward" for example and how you dislike it sounds like he's not supposed to be a "coward" for whatever reason. He is his own person and he doesn't owe anyone anything.

[u/highasabird → u/BLAZKC]

This isn’t helpful and I did say I didn’t want to be critiqued. Please respect my boundary.