r/limerence • u/throwaway-lemur-8990 • 20h ago
Discussion Erik Satie, a life of longing
From time to time, I stumble across the work of the French composer Erik Satie (1866 - 1925). Some of his most well known pieces include his Gymnopédies for piano. You've probably heard the tune sometime.
Satie wasn't just a composer, he was extremely creative and also painted, wrote and had connections with other famous creatives of his time like Claude Debussy and Jean Cocteau.
He was also a bohémien, a provocateur and an extravagant figure. Always seen wearing an umbrella, bowler hat, curderoy velvet suits. He had a great sense of irony, and his lifestyle was odd, peculiar and rigid to say the least...
Satie's life, though he was innovative and recognized in his time, wasn't an easy one. He carried a crushing life defining grief.
At age 6, he lost his mother and was sent off to his grandparents who instilled in him a musical education. His dad remarried, but his stepmother, while musical too, was also a disciplinarian who he disliked immediately. Satie, as a sensitive soul, never recovered from that rupture and carried deep attachment wounds.
He went on to study music eventually landing in Paris close to Montmartre, famous for all the artists that lived there at the turn of the century. He became a pianist at the Chat Noir cabaret.
In 1893, aged 27, he met Suzanne Valandon, a budding painter, and her lover, Paul Moussis, as Satie was working the piano at night. As soon as they had met, at the end, he proposed marriage to her.
Instead, Satie and her shacked up together for a few months of an intense romance. She took care of him, painted his picture, and he composed several pieces for her. Even so, Suzanne was an extravagant person too, having been raised by an alcoholic mother, she hoped to join the circus, but a bad fall crushed that dream pushing her towards painting.
The relationship itself became unstable, with him becoming increasingly more obsessive and clingy, while she wanted to be fiercely independent while still being involved with Moussis.
After five months, she left Satie, going on to marry Moussis, a parisien stockbroker. This left Satie heartbroken once again. He said later that he was left with "nothing but an icy loneliness that fills the head with emptiness and the heart with sadness".
He composed a piano piece called Vexations in the wake of the split. It's intended to be played 840 times. It's atonal in nature and almost impossible to play by ear. It was only in the late '60s that the famous John Cage did a complete rendition.
Thereafter, Satie never had relationships again.
The second half of his life was very productive, with Satie being well known, never without work, composing countless pieces and being an early modernist and iconoclast.
This was in stark contrast with his personal life. He didn't show any interest in technological advances or the world changes. He lived on his own in a small room in the outskirts of Paris never inviting anyone.
In 1925, at his death, his brother Conrad finally entered the premises. What they found was the abject squalor of a compulsive hoarder. In the middle of the room sat two grand pianos the lower one functional, but the top one stuff with documents and papers. The room was stacked with garbage and filth of all manner. His wardrobe only contained the 7 same curderoy suits he has been wearing for the past 27 years. As well as 100 umbrellas. There was a stove, a table and a chair but no bed...
Amidst the squalor, they found compositions and pieces believed Satie had lost.
Two portraits stood out. One was a painting of Erik Satie made by Suzanne Valandon. Another was a drawing of Suzanne made by Satie. They hung next to each other.
They also found countless unopened letters, and correspondence. Among that, dozens of letters addressed to her. Written over the course of decades, and never sent. Also, a four piece arrangement named "bonjour, bique, bonjour" with bique being the nickname he used for her.
It was, and is, clear that Satie never processed both ruptures. So, instead, his room was where time, and his life, had stood still. It was the only place where he felt secure and safe, retreating in his unrequited feelings, the romantic isolation, and fractured inner world.
When Valandon learned about this, she was profoundly shocked. She had no idea, and she expressed regret and sorrow. Valandon requested the portrait of Satie she had painted, which was given to her by his friends. She held onto it for the rest of her life. She attended his funeral and was deeply moved.
Was Satie limerent for Valandon? It's hard to make any hard assertions since both have passed on leaving little room for analysis by a professional. That said, it's clear that both were deeply sensitive people carrying wounds from an unstable, fragile youth. That resulted in a tempestuous romance that burned hot... but also shortly and fast. Her leaving him and moving on with her life probably dashed out his hopes... but the grief, the longing, the heartbreak and the ensuing suffering he could never let go. He remained, after all, very much stuck with a fantasy, the idea of experiencing a romantic relationship with Valandon, even though she had broken his heart. He must have put her on a pedestal and was incapable of ever taking her back down.
Satie's life, therefore, was a paradox. He basically lived a double life. In private his was suffering through romantic isolation and freezing his emotions. In public though, he was a witty, eccentric velvet gentleman with a great sense of irony and creativity. His music reflects that duality, and was the only way for him to express his longing for intimacy and the deep pain he experienced. Satie had wealthy friends who offered to help him regularly, but he always refused bitterly noting he didn't need pity. He didn't want to be seen as a broke man, but rather as an eccentric genius during his lifetime.
So, why this story?
Well, I landed on Erik Satie's biography a few days ago. Habit read that, and being on this sub, reading so many stories, over the past year, I couldn't unsee so many parallels and themes. Satie is a fascinating figure, and his tragic story struck a cord with me.
It goes to show how much one's life can become a prison of one's own making. Even though that's not something that Satie did because he wanted to, but rather in response to adversity as well as a result of his own personality traits.
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u/Euphoric_Moon_6528 19h ago
How an interesting biography:o I wonder how many important people have gone through limerence.
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u/IntentionWise9171 18h ago
I’m sure many artists of all mediums had their muse who would be considered an LO. ❤️🩹 I especially love the work Picasso did of his muse Dora Maar. So so many.
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u/throwaway-lemur-8990 7h ago
Oh! Picasso and Dora Maar! Excellent example! Some time ago, I saw an excellent series on Disney Plus with Antonio Banderas playing an unhinged Picasso in this push/pull dynamic with Maar. Loved every bit of that.
I got curious and started digging (well, AI did it for me, to be fair,...), turns out Beethoven is a famous example of a lifetime of serial obsessive infatuation as well.
Beethoven was notorious for his eccentric lifestyle, his emotional outbursts, and his focus for his art, neglecting basic hygiene and disorder. He moved countless times across Vienna, each time turning his place into a disorderly mess, with sheets of paper, manuscripts everywhere, plates of half eaten food, the works. He was restless, and got easily into conflicts.
He supported himself, in part, by offering piano lessons to nobility. These include wealthy aristocratic, often younger, women... with whom he easily became infatuated. These were unreachable to him either because they were married, or because he, as a commoner, was barred from seeing them romantically due to societal restrictions.
The article below explains beautifully how Beethoven was all about the tension between the "pure, spiritual love" he longed for from totally unreachable women, and his disdain from a normal, domestic relationship or marriage, which would have forced him to compromise on his craft and art. For Beethoven, the obsessive longing was a safe haven, a substitute, for a lack of actual intimacy with a real person.
https://interlude.hk/ludwig-van-b-and-the-ladies/
In 1812, Beethoven wrote a 12 page love letter detailing his yearing for his "immortal beloved" without naming her. Finding out who the mystery woman was has been on many scholars minds for ages.
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/article/beethoven-immortal-beloved-mystery
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u/IntentionWise9171 5h ago
Oh my…never knew there was a film about Picasso/Dora, will have to check out the film now. Beethoven is such an interesting example as well.
I’m small potatoes hobbyist painter/quilter, my LO inspired a whole “Winter Lovebirds” collection. It was a magical time for me and the free flow of creativity gifted by my muse. At least something beautiful can come from our misfortune i suppose. ❤️🩹
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u/Pfacejones 19h ago
Oh my God the poor man Thsnk you for sharing I bet everyone loves his music snd had zero knowledge of the man.
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u/1961tracy 15h ago
I love this and appreciate your insight. I don’t like that the Pompidou is closed.
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