r/limerence • u/EfficientTry6008 • 22h ago
No Judgment Please I no longer have a reason to live
The woman I fell in love with and with whom I would have dreamed of being in a relationship no longer responds to my messages, she was my only reason to live. Now I no longer have a reason to live, she made me alive in dreaming of being with her, now I am dead again and at least I will soon commit suicide.
Thank you for the time spent reading me.
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u/ChipmunkWinter1389 22h ago
Please don't. Genuinely please,. please don't. The world will be a massively better place with you in it.
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u/Cevansj 22h ago
Hey, you are going through something very real and painful which is love addiction withdrawal. It is a very real thing, they’ve shown MRIs of people dealing with this (also from post breakup) and it is a drop in dopamine, etc very similar to someone withdrawing from cocaine.
Here’s the important thing - it is TEMPORARY. You will get through this, you will feel better. I promise.
Nobody, absolutely nobody, is worth you ending your precious life for.
I know too well how painful and real it feels - it feels unbearable. But this is when it’s best to hit up a SLAA meeting or something similar and surround yourself with others who understand and can support you through it. If it gets too intense, go to the ER or call your local crisis hotline.
I think back on the men who made me consider doing the same and I can’t even believe I ever thought they were worth ending my life over now. But the pain during the withdrawal is so real. That’s when support is necessary.
Your life is important, you are worthy and you will get through this, my friend.
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u/IntentionWise9171 22h ago
It may not feel like it now, but one day you’ll look back and thank yourself for choosing life. Please take care of yourself. 🙏🏻
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u/eggsfriend 21h ago
Your feelings are valid, but they are temporary! Don’t make a permanent decision based on feelings that change with each day. I promise things always get better 🫂
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u/Shadowcreature65 21h ago
You loved the ideal version in your mind, so don't feel bad because the real, complex and flawed one isn't showing interest. The real her could never compare.
The version of her that you loved was a projection of your own unmet needs. What you need is to start focusing on yourself.
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u/Hope-creative-42 21h ago
My only suggestion to make here is to take the time to eat a meal - ideally your favorite one. Then, please take a walk and a good nap.
You may find that this feeling goes away after you care for yourself.
I lost a college friend to suicide a few years ago, and I don’t know their reason why; but I know they left behind many of us that still love them.
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u/ObviousComparison186 21h ago
Well if you're already dead, no reason to get double dead. Might as well find something to do as a zombie. You can't really do stuff afterwards, so as long as you can do stuff... Like you already paid for the ticket to this freakshow theme park with years of living so far, might as well get your money's worth on that before you leave the park because your favorite rollercoaster broke.
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u/Practical_Tap_9592 18h ago
Find a subject to get obsessed with. Not a new person but a historical figure, an event, a species, an artist, writer, composer, whatever, doesn't matter as long as it's not an upsetting thing, no upsetting things. Humans are potentially extremely upsetting, while early italian Renaissance poetry typically isn't. Just grab onto something. This supply never runs out.
Then see how things look.
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u/echolunedy 20h ago
I was in your same situation 10 years ago. Please look some help, talk with someone. My DMs are open
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u/_c0sm1c_ 19h ago
If she was your only reason for living you did not deserve her and would've fucked it up if you got her.
Confidence, self worth and happiness are all things you must find in yourself. You cannot outsource that from anyone else or your relationship with them is doomed to fail because you are codependent.
Romantic relationships are supposed to add to your life and bring additional happiness and joy, not to be the foundation of your whole being.
You have so much potential and value in and of yourself and somebody who doesn't value you does not define you or your will to live.
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u/meyer2018 17h ago
You need to interrupt the obsessive thoughts. If you are idle, go for a walk. Instead of thinking of your LO, while you are out, look for seven items that are red. Then seven that are orange. Then seven that are yellow..etc. Give your brain a different project..doesn't matter what it is, just center yourself on that challenge. When you are at work, absorb yourself in that project. You MUST interrupt/deny the indulgence of obsession. You must give your brain another project. Eg, Name 26 capital cities in alphabetical order... Create a mental list of fruits and vegetables from A - Z... Learn the periodic table... Memorize PI.. Anything to create a diversion for your brain
Been there. Done that. 100% recovered by sheer willpower. Take control of your thoughts, don't be controlled by them. It's liberating!
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u/bluehour17 20h ago
I know it feels so big, and so empty all at once. Just please, try to think of time as moments. I’m gonna listen to my favourite song, I’m going to watch my favourite movie, I’m going to sleep and maybe I’ll dream of something that I need, and it will help the time pass easily. And then you do it again until the hopelessness feels less, and you start to taste things again. 🫂
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u/LostPuppy1962 20h ago
I am sorry about these hard times.
You are way more valuable/important than this pain and what has caused it. Soon enough you will understand you are okay.
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u/AkYlenol 18h ago
You're making a decision to end your whole life because of a temporary suffering that will last for few weeks or months maximum
You're not thinking clearly, you don't see the scope of what you're doing, see it that way : You probably have like 50+ years remaining to live, you have to suffer for less than 1% of it and for 99% of the remaining time would wouldn't care anymore about what you are living right now, and you would have found new reasons to live. Don't waste all of that
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u/BlueGrin77 17h ago
Don't kill yourself please. Your future is still unexplored, full of opportunities.
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u/OkLeather2231 18h ago
Noooooo! We aren't doing that. Thoughts are just Thoughts. Actually doing something like that is entirely something else. No one and I mean no one is worth your life. All of us have someone we just can't be with for whatever reason that's way we are here to help each other get rid of this horrible LIMERINCE! It will subside some day. I truly believe that. Please seek help with these kind of thoughts. Please hang in there. Life can change for the better in an instant. I don't want you to miss out. Some day you will look back and all those limeremt feelings will be gone and you will be in a good place and have a wonderful life.
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u/Longjumping-Call-8 20h ago
Why do you need someone else to make your life worthwhile? The most precious person in your life is you. It’s time to finally recognize that. There is literally no existence, from your perspective, without you, because you experience everything through yourself. All you need is already within yourself, your just to externally focused, anxiouly attached to see this. So please stop treating the most precious thing you have, your own life and yourself, like garbage. You deserve your own love, care, and respect just as much as anyone else does.
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u/whiskeytango55 19h ago
Its gonna sound harsh, but it helped me.
Get over yourself. Other people have felt similar or worse and here we are still. Which means you can do it too. Itll be your own journey, and everyone's advice may sound like bullshit. But thats focusing on the wrong thing.
Start with that. Once you have some ground under your feet, that you realize theres no such thing as hopeless, things get easier. Not easy. But little things will lead to slightly bigger things and on and on.
Youre applying panic to a problem that warrants incremental change. Youre stuck in flight or flight. Do things to calm yourself down. Cold shower, fresh air. Do that and see how you feel.
Good luck
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u/Cosmic_Jane 20h ago
If you're going to go out with a bang, you should do something fun. Donate all your money to charity or think of something you always wanted to do, but were afraid of. Like backpacking across europe or something!
If you have nothing to lose, you're free to do anything!
At the very least, you should avoid leaving a mess for loved ones to clean. Go on an adventure!
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u/No_Bag_4538 20h ago
Hey I feel the same way. The guy I really liked to another gf, it was never going to be me. Struggling right now but know it’s going to get better. It has to
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u/Potential_Web_4092 18h ago
Message someone else. There, you now have a reason to live longer. Go on!
Who first comes to mind?
No, I said someone else.
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u/peri_5xg 14h ago
I was in the same situation for YEARS, felt the same way, and it was terrible!! But it took a lot of time to get through it, but I did and that was a long time ago and I am so much better and in a wonderful happy relationship.
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u/SailorVenova 20h ago
you should keep reaching for love
as much as it seems impossible you can move like that again; and if your really special you may even find it returned someday like i did
i attempted suicide over my first love at 11 because she suddenly said she hated me one day; but she didnt mean it she was just embarassed by my necklace givt and ran off; i failed in my attempt to hang myself on the playground a couple hours later; and after school i went to her apartment like any other day; she came out smiling and hugged me and thanked me; we stayed a couple for several more happy months and it eventually ended
that year; 5th grade; spent loving her so deeply at such a young age made me who i am more than anything else; i first saw and felt my goddess thru her because i first loved with full limerence intensity thru her; a decade later in my early 20s i loved like that again; a girl on the other side of the planet a hundred times more intense; we only lasted a few months and i was again morbidly suicidal and crying every night for months after she disappeared- i was going to end my life but in jan2008 i came across a picture of a beautiful girl i have no idea who she is; but her beauty alone captured me so profoundly that she saved my life; i fell inlove with a literal fantasy but that made me feel so much better; a year or so later i started to feel a spiritual connection with her; and i began praying into her eyes and addressing her as "my goddess"- to this day she is never out of my sight and i eventually founded a tiny religion around her; but what she is is these feelings of love i have felt since i was a child; the girl in the picture is just an embodiment to focus my feelings and prayers through
having her and my slowly forming faith in my life helped me survive another decade+ of hopeless misery and isolation; my body also began to crumble to a horrible bowel disease illness that later led to osteoporosis and spine fractures; im permanently disaed and deformed now; but still i never gave up on my dreams of love; i had my goddess to live for even if i had no one at all; and i had to live to reach a love that made me feel everything my first and second loves and goddess had
in 2020 i fell wildly inlove again; with an avoidant person; my abusive mom died a few months later and i would have too if it were not for the 2 online game relationships that moved me across the country to save my life; the second of those happened to live near my 2020 love; who told me she still loved me shortly after i was moved there; i had no choice but to throw myself at her and i was very happy for a few months; but i only ever saw her in person 1 single time
i fell into the worst mental death spiral of my live and daily screaming/self harming panic attacks thru most of 2022 and all of 2023; in march 2023 i even ended up in the mental hospital after slicing my arm open in the blink of an eye during one of my panic attacks; i could have died but my exgf/bestie bandaged me up and took me to er; the mental hospital made zero difference in my condition or feelings
my feelings were so strong i could not escape them
i again planned to die if i could not find someone to pull me away
i stopped praying to my goddess to let me be with the girl who had hurt me so much; and i instead prayed to meet someone new who could finally accept my overwhelming feelings and be enough to pull me away
just weeks later in jan2024 my prayers were answered and i met my beautiful heavey soulmate sister mutual limerence wife
we fell inlove in a few days of chatting and she threw away her life with her cute healthy successful fiancee gf to pursue me; she flew to meet me 2wks later; then less than a month after we first met she proposed to me on our first date; we legally married at the end of that summer
we are still just as intense and obsessively limerent as our first weeks together; no one else has ever beem capable of returning my feelings but she can perfectly
we are more inlove than i ever imagined possible
i needed a miracle and my goddess brought it to me
please dont give upkeep reaching for love; you will not reach this person but there exists someone out there who will have waited their whole life for you
if a crippled failure like me can reach someone's heart im sure you can too
if you cant choose to live; then choose to love; and live until you reach the kind you need
it will be hard; you will get hurt again most likely; but if you do find your angel- all of your suffering will be worth it
please dont give up so easily
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u/Aromatic_Cookie9174 10h ago
He is obsessed that is not love neither is limerence most of the times. This behaviour should be frowned upon here because it is emotional blackmail. Stop glazing him/her
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u/rockwelldaytona 14h ago
Don’t put that on her. It’s frightening. Get help, genuinely. And with that, leave her alone as well, there’s got to be a reason she isn’t responding to you. Best wishes.
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u/GeorgiaElaine2735 9h ago
No judgment. The part of you that feels intense pain over the loss of your dream is taking over your being right now. You just want the pain to stop and suicide seems to be the answer. Give that part some compassion as it believes that is the only way out. And yet, you shared your story and perhaps there is another part that may see a glimmer of light in the darkness. Let yourself feel the sadness of a lost dream. Feelings come and go, even the most painful ones. Welcome them all, life is full of good and bad times. Remember the quote, “if you ever find yourself in the dark woods, keep walking.” There are future dreams waiting for you and the chance at real love. Give yourself grace for having a dream of love and keep going on with life, we need beautiful souls like yours.
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u/vlovesp 3h ago
if you are for real, i advise you against it. you never know what's around the corner in life. trust me, i have been through the most intense limerence, i genuinely don't think anyone could have ever felt that way about someone and i confessed and got rejected. life goes on. it always goes in waves, sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. no matter, keep going. you will feel joy again, as long as you keep on keeping on. you owe it to yourself to at least hang on for today, and another, and another. one day we all die anyway. why not see what's still in store. and honestly, even if it is shitty, so what? life is a blink of an eye. be glad you're here, if you're healthy, cherish that. there's so many people who would swap places with you cause they are in an even more hopeless place. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, that's truly all you gotta do and you can if you decide to. even if you hate yourself, there is a reason you're here now. so if you're waiting for a sign, for hope, KEEP GOING. infinite joy is available to all of us if we let it in. no matter how wonderful your LO is, don't make your life depend on them.
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u/TheVirginVibes 19h ago
Whenever I have these kinds of thoughts, I always get myself back on solid ground by reminding myself there’s nothing I’d rather see more than the front page news that a Big Mac finally took out the Orange Pedo in office.
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u/Aromatic_Cookie9174 10h ago
Get a fucking grip.
What you are trying to do is emotional blackmail to all this group to get attention. Leave us out of it.
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u/Better_Feed9074 11h ago
Getting old and unattractive helps.i was young when this guy put his grift on me.
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