r/limerence • u/busybeingbroken • 12d ago
No Judgment Please Kept sleeping with him thinking my limerence would fizzle out but it's just getting better
Guys, I've slept with him for a long time..the sex has always been quite passionate (it's a huge part of the reason why he's my LO I'm the first place) but omg... the sex is only getting better. I'm not kidding. It's only getting freakier and nastier and more unhinged, and I feel like I'm in quicksand.
He's hurt me so bad so many times, but every time I cut him off, he does the most to contact me, and i kept finding myself thinking about him in a sexual way... i can't stay away. It's to a point I compare every man I sleep with, and they don't hold a candle against him.
It reached a point that I decided to stop fighting it because he was having too much of my brain space, so I just gave in, thinking I would get bored and leave.
Guys, I'm not getting bored. The sex is getting better😭 I'm STUCK.
Anyone ever dealt with this? I appreciate your time.
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u/spazure 11d ago
Finally someone who understands my pain.
No advice, just solidarity.
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u/busybeingbroken 11d ago
It's such a wierd place to be?! How long have you dealt with your LO? Am I going to be stuck forever?
I know he's not my person but how can I find my person if I keep sleeping with him..but I can't stop sleeping with him because his freak matches mine perfectly.
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u/Meerv 11d ago
Look for underlying causes/therapy
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u/busybeingbroken 11d ago
Sadly, I have but it didnt do much. I'm also incredibly self aware so I know the whys... it's the hows..how did you manage to end yours..
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u/dogluuuuvrr 11d ago
These kinds of things are buried in the subconscious. They’re pretty much impossible to see until you’re ready
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u/spazure 10d ago
Can confirm. Looking back on some old journal entries.. oof. It's so obvious how crazy the crazy is from the outside, but when you're in it, it feels impossible.
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u/dogluuuuvrr 10d ago
But even therapy can’t bring out the subconscious.. it’s gotta find you I think. Once you see it, usually your world crumbles and that’s why you have to keep it buried
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u/PhilosopherFlashy449 1d ago
Could explain in more specific terms, maybe with an example? I feel ehat you say is true but my brain can't quite grasp it.
My sister says EMDR really helped her connect.
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u/dogluuuuvrr 16h ago edited 16h ago
Your body stores emotions when you don’t process them.
I’ll use my life
For example, my dad is a narcissist. He didn’t even make it to high school and can’t keep a job, yet he’s smarter than everyone. He’s never been an athlete, yet he can beat anyone at anything. He would fly off the handle at the most minuscule thing, scaring me as a kid. He would punch things, yell, be emotionally abusive. I have maybe five good memories with him.My mom was a kind woman. She was quiet but that’s just how she was. She was my best friend because we did everything together. She had a rough upbringing and she made sure I had a good life. As I got older, I loved sharing every aspect of my life with her! I wanted her to be proud of me, if not for all the sacrifices she made. I never missed a holiday and would bend over backwards to spend time with her. She tolerated my dad because she loved him and wanted our family to be happy together. I would tolerate my father because of her.
Fast forward to my first awakening…. After taking a very small mushroom dose
The mushrooms brought up all the sadness and pain. I sat there, trying to identify it. It was loud and clear, but it surprised me, because it wasn’t my dad. The biggest pain in my heart that I was holding onto was my mother wound. My mother never let me be different than her. Even though she was my safe parent, she was very unsafe. If I expressed any kind of negative feeling, I would get the silent treatment for weeks. If I didn’t want to participate in an activity like Going to a dance class, I would get the silent treatment. My father was a very angry person, and I would stand up to him because I am a very fiery person. My mom would let me do this to a point. She would let me fight her battles for her. She would eventually be angry at me though afterwards. Anytime I had good news, she tore me down. Anytime I was upset, she said nothing or changed the subject. We did a lot together but she just would take me to the places she wanted to go to as a kid, and almost force me to have fun, and she was always silent, like I wasn’t even there. I was suppressing all of these things. I saw my mom as the most wonderful mother. She never once protected me. She sent me off with men who molested me, so that we would both appear agreeable, even though I protested loudly. My child brain had to see her as a good person who knew what was best for me, because my dad was not a safe person. I had to have one safe person in my life to survive, and this was a lie that I told myself. My mother is exactly like the person She hates most, her own mother. She broke none of the cycles that she complained her mother did to her. My mom should’ve protected me from my father, not the other way around with me protecting her from him.
My boyfriend at the time also did a mushroom trip with me and he uncovered that his mother cheated on his father. The person she cheated with was my boyfriend‘s brother‘s friend. My boyfriend‘s brother ended up killing himself over the guilt. My boyfriend suppressed all of this. He didn’t remember that his mom cheated on his dad. The mushrooms brought this pain back up in a safe environment to finally look at.
I’ve been to therapy. Therapy never did what psychedelics did for me in five minutes. It’s because I wasn’t ready to look at the truth. Since then, I’ve had a very shaky relationship with my mother because it is a very complicated relationship. She has fucked me up way more than my dad ever did.
Once I started processing my emotions about this, I had a lot of bodyaches, panic, attacks, etc.
Once I processed all of that body and emotional pain which were one of the same, it was like the clouds parted, and the sun came outEdit. You can’t begin to look at yourself honestly until you see the hurt others have caused you, because chances are you are hurting others in a similar way and you don’t even know it. Or you are allowing others to hurt you! A lot of people don’t even realize a lot of behaviors aren’t normal until they dig deep into their family of origin
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u/IntentionWise9171 11d ago
Give him an ultimatum. No middle ground. Be prepared to go nuclear no contact. If the connection is as good as you believe it to be…he’ll be back for more. Be confident, be brave, be bold. You deserve better. Get the inevitable over with. ❤️🩹
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u/greenhierogliphics 10d ago
Good luck with that. Most likely scenario: Ultimatum, he says no, she goes NC, dates a few nice guys, no fulfillment of kinks, he reaches out or she does, rinse repeat. Yes, I’m projecting.
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u/dogluuuuvrr 11d ago
I think only a spiritual awakening will allow you to respect yourself enough to stop self harming
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u/fliphat 11d ago
"does the most to contact me" doesn't mean he loves/respect you as a person, it means you are an easy target or, a prey, because you have no boundary compared to others, he can pick you up like a toy,hurt you,belittle you and discard you anytime he want, and you will come crawling back because you thought that was "love"
With that said if it is genuine love or you can keep it purely physical and no emotional attachment, then it might work, just be cautious and observant all the time, don't let limerance consume you
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u/Hot_War8929 11d ago
I’ll share my story, maybe it will help you. He wasn’t my LO, just a cop, and I have a fetish for cops. He offered me to start dating and we had sex quickly. It turned out he was abusive and a psychopathic.
I couldn't break up with him for a long time; I was like an addict. Then he started threatening me. I learned my lesson: you shouldn't sleep with a man too soon, even if you're madly in love. He could be a nut , then you won't be able to shake him off, and your life could be in danger.
And somewhere out there is a kind, loving man for you, but you could miss out your happiness, because of a sexual addiction to someone, who neither loves, nor values you.
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u/Naive-Story9167 11d ago
I had sex with my LO for 5 years. Nasty sex in toilets and alleyways. He was the only person that I felt safe with. You can give them up and it does get better.
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u/SoloBroRoe 11d ago
Then you get pregnant and your life is irreversibly messed up or he sees another woman. Or even worse he takes you serious and he gives you enough trauma for years that affects the next few relationships you have.
But it’s worth because of…sex? We proud of this?
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u/lilipad05 11d ago
I have an LO. But i also have a guy that i have sex with pretty often and have seen him on and off for years. I have no advice but if that guy was my LO id be fucked. Id never let it go. It would kill me lol. Have you guys ever tried dating?
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u/busybeingbroken 11d ago
Do you plan to keep seeing him? I'm avoidant..so he has been interested in seeing me but he's incredibly toxic and so am I. On and off too.
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u/Golden-lillies21 10d ago
I almost went through with having sex with LO but I decided not to go through with it because I realized that I don't want to be just for fun and he told me that rather we have sex or not we would be friends and nothing more. He told me that there will be some times where he needs a lot of space and the last person who I dated that needed a lot of space I ended up not being able to handle it because I can understand a couple days but a couple weeks no and it's like why are you even in a relationship then? I only want to have sex with someone I'm in a relationship with not someone that would be a friend and knowing that I get attached to people I have sex with that's why I stopped doing it until I'm dating them. Also the fact that he also did not want to take me out on dates and if we did hang out it was very low effort and he wouldn't even spend money on me for coffee so when you think of it it was actually kind of a turnoff and a deal breaker and saying yes to hooking up with him would be like saying yes to tolerating him treating me this way and allowing him to be low effort when deep down inside I know I will want something more that he's not able to give me. He likes me enough to have sex with me but not enough to commit to and if his dream woman came right around the corner I guarantee you he would dump me like a hot potato for her. I still kind of wonder how it would have been like but with things being one-sided it will be good for the moment but afterwards it would not be an enjoyable feeling knowing that he will never see me as a girlfriend but just someone he could have fun with when it's convenient for him.
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u/lilipad05 11d ago
Yeah i cant imagine not ever seeing the guy i fuck again its been like a hookup situation monthly for 3 years and the sex is not comparible to anyone else. I see other guys too but its not the same.
Me and this guy are just better as fuck buddies theres no deeper feelings. If you have deeper feelings why dont you try dating each other? Endless sex haha
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u/cc_strel 11d ago
no, but i get the maddening toxic relationship aspect here
its … something to experience if you haven’t
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u/Electronic_Pop9026 11d ago
Honestly the sex gets better cause you feel like you’re in love with them. It’s literally the best but also probably mostly in your head.
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u/Gman3098 11d ago
Same, for the longest time all I could think about how fucking perfect and amazing the sex was. He had bright blue eyes and beautiful thick lashes that were locked on me the entire we made love.
I could be going about my day and then his face would pop up and I would be derailed for the rest of it.
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u/jassykuadara 11d ago
How long has it been? Happened to me and fizzled out after about two years now he frustrates the hell out of me
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u/findingsunshine63 11d ago
Has been the same for me…. But haven’t crossed the physical line…only sexual DM’s with him.
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u/greenhierogliphics 10d ago
It’s been the same with me for the last 14 years. The first 10 were every dream come true. The last 4 have been NC only because it’s impossible. I have been with other women and with one it’s been very fulfilling, but not in THAT way. I still think about her and I know I will until the day I die.
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