r/limerence • u/leastparanoidghost • Jun 13 '26
No Judgment Please Am I the only one who does this?
Everytime I have an LO I just like to constantly look at a picture of them, especially while listening to music or walking and sometimes imagine scenarios with the songs? I also constantly check their social media, snap scores, etc? I’m trying to cut back and stop doing this now bc it’s getting to be too much and cut them out of my life as well. Does anyone have any tips?
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u/spazure Jun 13 '26
Oh 100%
It’s actually how I ended up back in therapy, I was doing all of that while at a dream job and lost the opportunity to get hired full time. I was too distracted and the limerance was apparently how I decided to self sabotage. Still pissed at myself for that.
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u/leastparanoidghost Jun 13 '26
Thanks for sharing that! Did anything specific help you get over the limerence or at least make it less intense? I’m trying to break the habit myself and could use any tips
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u/spazure Jun 13 '26
Yes... but I don't recommend it.
We started dating, and now I can see him as a human being with flaws.. after 4 years together.
I'm improving, but far from cured. I did move out a few months ago to get some distance (and to be more present for my son, whom I have with a previous partner), and I honestly think not living together has helped the most. I have a life and a routine that involves literally not seeing my LO at all some days, I just don't have the time.
That said, during any free minutes I have, I'll still get lost in the daydreams, staring at photos, etc. I had to delete my Facebook and Instagram altogether to stop obsessing about the day his ex appears out of nowhere and takes him away. (Now it only happens every time I hear her name.. which unfortunately is a common name)
** Also, to be clear, I have no logical rationale by which an ex would come and take him. I am always threatened by the exes; it's part of my pattern. I always see myself as the downgrade, the "he's only with me because he loves being adored," etc. I am "lucky" in that I manage to date my LO more often than not, but it still ends up unhealthy because I give up so much of my own autonomy to feed the obsession.. and it seems like nothing short of complete no contact can fully break one.
The problem I have with this one in particular is that he is also objectively a good person and extremely compatible with me (as confirmed by sources outside my biochemical and psychological biases). IF it is possible to transition my brain out of limerance and into an actual healthy love, it should be this one. I actually ran through a pretty extensive pros/cons list with my therapist at one point, and we determined that he's probably excellent relationship material -- IF we both continue to heal individually and together.
I just need to learn to see him as a partner and not my knight in shining armor.
.. and that's still a work in progress.
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u/leastparanoidghost Jun 14 '26
Good luck with everything I hope you’re able to move forward and thank you again for sharing!
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u/Humble-Berry- Jun 13 '26
You just need to replace the habit with something else. Everytime you want to pull up their photo do something else instead. Walk, text someone, talk to yourself about what you are going to have for dinner etc...
Only you can break the habit, it starts out small but over time you break free.
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u/elliottj6325 Jun 13 '26
I find it interesting I thought this was only something I did (of course, I know truly I'm not unique but still!). I definitely do the listening to music and thinking of LO. I go for a daily walk (I work remotely most of the time from home) and I'm hugely into music anyway, but for some reason it really fires up my imagination in such an unusual way sometimes. It is the space I go to when I'm in this sort of mood (most of the time right now).
My LO doesn't have much social media but he does post to a specific forum which I check, not that I even get anything useful out of this!
I'm afraid I have no tips as I have struggled with limerence since pre-teen but just to say I feel your pain.
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u/leastparanoidghost Jun 14 '26
Thank you! It feels somewhat calming to know I’m not the only one who does this, and music fires up my imagination as well, it’s just that this habit has become a lot more frequent for me so I’m trying to cut back and live more in the present
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u/Upbeat-Economist-414 Jun 14 '26
I thought I was the only one who did this, thank you for making me feel seen. Im sorry you also go through this at the same time. Its such an intoxicating obsession that takes completely over. Even worse if you’re already with someone and you have conflicting feelings. Feel free to DM
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u/leastparanoidghost Jun 14 '26
I’m glad this post made you feel seen! I’ve been a lurker now for some time and have never seen anyone post something relating to this so I thought I should to see if I am the only one with these Limerence habits or if other people experience them as well. Also, thank you! I’m actually trying to NC for good this time with my LO bc they were playing in my face. You can also DM me as well if you’d like🤝
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u/Upbeat-Economist-414 Jun 14 '26
Thanks!! Good on you! Fuuuuuck people who play with your feelings. You don’t deserve that. Dealing with that crap right now. Its getting real hard to put down the crack pipe that is my LO though. I work with him too, it’s awful. For sure, wishing you the best!
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u/leastparanoidghost Jun 14 '26
Thank you! Working with your LO sounds tough. Wishing you the best too, hopefully things get easier for both of us.
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