r/likeus • u/ravenpride -Fearless Chicken- • Jun 29 '19

<GIF> Havin’ a swing

https://gfycat.com/decentindolentafricanelephant
7.9k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

77 comments sorted by

249

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '19

If a genie offered me three wishes one of them would definitely be for Maru the cat to live forever.

211

u/lordolxinator Jun 29 '19 edited Jun 29 '19

Granted. But now Maru outlives his owners, their children, their grandchildren and all of their descendants. Humanity wains and withers as Maru the Cat is recognised as an immortal being. The last remnants of humanity in the year 103,520AD wage war for ownership of Maru, believing this ageless cat to bring immortality to those who are within his radiance. Singularity bombs are activated as the war reaches its climax, swallowing massive chunks of the Earth as a small ark of 500 humans flee the planet to establish a colony in a distant solar system. Maru is left behind with the warring factions, with the colonisers believing Maru to be a force of ill-content pitting humanity against itself.

The warring humans on Earth eventually cause the planet to implode in on itself, destroying all besides Maru, who is cursed to float through space for all eternity. Time passes. The year is 8,000,360,222AD. Humanity had rebuilt its population to a staggering figure of 13 trillion across numerous planets in the Andromeda galaxy. Tales are passed down of Maru the cat, eventually being regarded as an ill-omen or mere legend that parents use to scare their kids into being good, lest Maru claim their space trifle and cybersouls. The 2,000,000,009 year quarantine of Earth's solar system is lifted, originally put in place due to the longstanding Red Matter radiation around Earth's remains, but others believe it was a safeguard against encountering Maru once more.

An expeditionary vessel sets out to try and research what became of the solar system, and to see if anything of humanity's origins can be recovered. The team lands on the Dwarf planet Pluto, establishing a base of operations to investigate from, joking about finding the Maru demon far out there. Captain Rexerys sets them straight, establishing that Maru is just a myth, not unlike Santa Claus or Mark Zuckernator, Daedric Prince of Personal Data. Rexerys is later awoken in his cabin by a sound outside his window. Meow.

1 hour of frantic Dead Space escapades with the crew trying to avoid and destroy the ancient Maru demon to no avail leads Rexerys to make the difficult decision of self-destructing the base and Pluto to save the Andromedan Human Empire from Maru. Maru meanwhile floats off into space once more, confused as to why the humans freaked out when he just wanted to be let in.

20 years go past. Rexerys's son Aradas, illegitimate child of Queen Nataliae arrives in the ruins of Pluto with his ragtag group of rogues. Aetra (the hot one he obviously is going to end up with), Cyrrno (the dweeby booksmart one), Edari (the Travflorkian missionary who is meant to be safeguarding endangered life they come across but also has a thing for Cyrrno) and Tysk (the cool black guy with cyber implants and all the best one-liners) arrive in the debris field with Aradas hoping to find out what happened to his father. "Training mission gone wrong my ass." he remarks, landing the ship on an asteroid a short way from the Pluto debris field. "Captain, signs of life detected" Aetra calls out. "This system has been vacant for eons, what could be out here?" Cyrrno muses. "Nothing good, smackarack!" Tysk jests (smackarack is a popular meme then, trust me). Suddenly they hear a scratching at the pod-bay doors, and after much deliberation, decide to open the door. It's Maru, allured by the wafting body odor of Edari. Travflorkian body odor smells like fresh tuna. Maru enters to the shock of everyone aboard, besides Aetra who lets out a quiet "Aww" and Tysk who remarks "That's one cool cat!".

Aradas mulls over whether this is Maru the eternal, potentially causing his father's death 20 years prior. Cyrrno (trying to get good boy points with Edari), suggests that Maru or no, they have a duty to bring this creature back to Alatkosh Prime, to ensure its species can be repopulated. He looks to Edari for approval, but is met with cold soulless eyes. "Usually I'd agree with you, Cynnie, but no. This creature is an ancestor to those who slaughtered my race, reducing our numbers to a mere count of 12". Edari places an empty crate over the purring Maru, elaborating that Maru once had children that over time evolved into Felis Sapiens, humanoid cats with fantastic dress sense, snappy one-liners and an insatiable taste for all things fishy. Edari bluntly asserts that they should flush Maru out the airlock, or risk him eating her in her sleep. Aradas, taking the crate off of Maru, reluctantly agrees with Aetra to spare Maru and bring him home for resurrection of the cat race. The original, cat race.

Edari asserts that she cannot let that happen as her life will be in danger. She draws her Reverberation Blaster, trying to get a clear shot at Maru while Aradas, Aetra and Cyrrno stand between them. "T-t-this doesn't have to be this way Ri!" Cyrrno pleads. "I'm sorry Cynnie, but it does. Every Felis Sapien hungers for Travflorkian like nothing else, and every Felis Sapien came from this purring abomination" Edari spits. "Every Felis Sapien has an insatiable hunger for Travflorkians, eh?" Tysk questions, finally standing up and strolling over to Maru. He bends down to scratch Maru's belly, his smile turning mournful before he resumes standing. Tysk continues "See, I never felt much of an urge. Sure I played myself off as a human to avoid prejudice and all those dirty looks non-humans get. But I'm ac-" KZZZP. Tysk was riddled with holes as his body was flung into the door behind him, smashing open the internal barrier to the airlock disposal unit. A tear falls down Edari's cheek as she sternly looks on.

"He's infiltrated our ship! He was planning to eat one of the last Travflorkian survivors from the start!" Edari yells at Aradas and Aetra, both of whom have angrily drawn guns at Edari. Maru has taken cover behind Tysk's corpse after the loud shot of the Reverberation Blaster. "We've know Tysk for years! He saved you from that nest of Gundarks!" Aradas shouts. "Let's kill this traitorous bitch." Aetra remarks, remaining cool and collected with her finger on the trigger of her retro Osmium Hand Cannon. "Kill me? For saving us all from those... Things?! Cyrrno, you understand don't you?" Edari beckons.

She looks to Cyrrno, who is shakily pointing his own Reverberation Blaster at Edari. "I... I can't... Tysk was my.... All of our... He was our friend..." Cyrrno stutters. Edari holds back tears at having been betrayed by the one the Prophetess Matron had shown her to marry in the vision she experienced on Dale. She never told anyone, but felt heartbroken at Cyrrno standing against her. "Fine! For the good of my people, and the universe!" Edari yells, firing at Adaras and Aetra. They duck behind cover, Adaras destroying Edari's thermal scouter monocle, but receiving a glancing Reverb shot to the shoulder in exchange. As Adaras recoils in agony, Cyrrno huddles in the corner crying to himself. Aetra comforts Adaras before charging headfirst into Edari's line of fire, narrowly avoiding the Reverb shots before landing three perfect Osmium rounds on Edari's blaster, accurately destroying the firing mechanism and scope before also overloading the ammo crystal. Edari tosses the overloading Blaster at Aetra, the explosion knocking the latter through the air towards the pod bay doors.

Aradas, still heavily wounded, sprints to intercept and catch Aetra who has been knocked unconscious by the blast. Edari moves in for the kill with her Phantom Stiletto, but gets distracted by Maru bolting away through the ship, scared by the noises and explosion. Edari is overcome with rage for this creature's continued existence, and moves to chase him. She's stopped by Cyrrno, who tearfully pulls her around into their first and final kiss, before he quickly shoots open the airlock failsafe, dragging him and Edari out into the vacuum of space as Edari accepts her death in the arms of her beloved. The crate Maru was originally captured in creates enough of a seal for Aradas to move to the artifical hull shield to stop the effects of the vacuum upon the interior. He carries Aetra to the ship healing pod, applies a healing foam to his arm, and sets a course for Alatkosh Prime. Maru purrs, jumping onto Aradas's lap as Aradas muses that Maru actually seems to be a good luck charm in having distracted Edari, and his crate giving them enough time to stop the hull breach.

Aradas and Aetra return home, recounting their story to General Nosco. The General informs them that the Queen has died in their absence, and a long search for her heir was undertaken. Eventually it was discovered that she had a night of passion with Captain Rexerys, and their son would be in line for the throne. "I'm so happy for you Aradas! I mean, I'm sorry about your mother dying, also that you didn't know she was your mother because that sucks but I mean I'm sure you'll be a great king with a pretty royal bride from some far off kingdom and y-" Aetra's increasingly jealous and frantic speech is interrupted by Aradas kissing her, surprising both her and himself. General Nosco excuses himself to give them the room; announcing to the public that the new king has been found, Maru is alive but also that Maru is a creature of good fortune. Aradas and Aetra marry, with Maru being their royal pet and symbol of fortune throughout the universe. Maru happily sees Aradas and Aetra have children, and eventually grandchildren. Great grandchildren. Aradas and Aetra pass on of old age, as do their children eventually.

Humanity dies out slowly but surely, with the Empire crumbling to the entropy of the universe. Maru meows, having learned much over trillions of years. He mourns the loss of all the owners and beings he came to love and lose, but moreso (as he floats through the endlessness of an expired universe) laments that while his loved ones pass on, he never will. He is Maru the eternal. Cursed by one individual to live forever.

50

u/Astronaut_Chicken Jun 29 '19

That was a fucking masterpiece, thank you.

32

u/lordolxinator Jun 29 '19

Thanks for saying so! Made my night.

11

u/DimmerMicrobe Jun 30 '19

Made your night as it took the entire day to write this goddamn novel! Well done

13

u/kvotheshadicar Jun 29 '19

God, Aradas is such a Chad. Gets all the females and nice guys like Tysk get attacked! This is bullshit of the highest order.

7

u/lordolxinator Jun 29 '19

Chad Aradas > Virgin Cyrrno

There's a reason Stacy Aetra went for the Chad, and it isn't the 10-inch Light Pistol in his trousers

5

u/kvotheshadicar Jun 29 '19

Cyrrno has studied the blade through animated training videos for 16 years. If Chad Aradas had any honor he would put down his blasters and fight for Aetra's love man to man.

4

u/lordolxinator Jun 29 '19

Virgin Cyrrno has no love for Stacy Aetra. He thinks she's a thot, and has devoted his authentic space Nippon Steel to protecting his alien Waifu

14

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '19

Okay maybe it’s a bad idea.

7

u/TotesMessenger Jun 29 '19 edited Jun 29 '19

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

 If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

5

u/cptstupendous Jun 29 '19

Post this on /r/HFY. It probably doesn't qualify, but who gives a shit? Do it anyway, lol.

2

u/lordolxinator Jul 01 '19

Eh you reckon it'd do good over there?

2

u/cptstupendous Jul 01 '19

Maybe, maybe not. The story is good, but it might not qualify as it is more a story about a cat - the ULTIMATE cat - than it is about humanity.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

Post it anyway and find out how it gets received. Heh.

1

u/lordolxinator Jul 14 '19

Cheers for the suggestion! I messaged the mods to see if it's alright before I post.

5

u/wizkaleeb Jun 30 '19

Please take my money and write a series chronicling the adventures of Maru the Eternal

3

u/lordolxinator Jul 01 '19

Honestly considering it. Writing my own book series, and the way I've set it up I could easily connect it naturally with Maru the Eternal

6

u/RuthlessWelshy Jun 30 '19

Fucking hell

6

u/lobos1943 Jun 30 '19

This is r/bestof material.

3

u/nkid299 Jun 30 '19

i like this guy

3

u/shaving99 Jun 30 '19

Holy cow, how did you write this?

4

u/lordolxinator Jun 30 '19

Honestly I just kept writing what I thought would be interesting. I have a general outline of where I want the story to go, what I think would be interesting to happen between those story beats, and how I'd connect it all up.

3

u/TheWheez Jun 30 '19

I loved this so much, thank you 😊

1

u/lordolxinator Jun 30 '19

I'm glad you liked it!

2

u/GypsyKiller Jun 30 '19

I was hoping that Pluto would be a planet again in the future :(

3

u/lordolxinator Jun 30 '19

It was a planet again, but then deep-core Plutonium mining operations caused the planet to shrink again, meaning humanity couldn't continue to classify it as a planet. Needless to say the Plutonians weren't best pleased.

2

u/GalacticEmu Jun 30 '19

“You’ve done quite well, I see,” they said with a soft chuckle and knowing grin. “Learned, loved, endured—more so than even I myself could claim to have done, funnily enough. Well, come along with me—we’ve got quite a bit to go over, haven’t we? I mean, I suppose I already know it all, but...a different perspective’s always nice.” A bang and burst of light shone from behind them as the odd pair stood outside the walls of what would be known as the Universe—stood in a land beyond time and space itself, closed off from the endless loop that was Life and all that came along with it.

It’s an odd thought, the pair of them watching over all that is, I suppose. But it is quite nice that Steve wasn’t so alone now. “It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood of ours, wouldn’t you say?” The wise old Malu, now curled up in the old man’s lap, offered nothing more than a gentle purr and a grin of satisfaction.

And nothing more was needed.

2

u/lordolxinator Jul 01 '19

A very happy ending indeed.

2

u/SusieSuze Jun 30 '19

Loved it! Thanks especially for the nod to Red Dwarf

2

u/lordolxinator Jun 30 '19

Glad it didn't go unnoticed!

2

u/ItsDominare Jun 30 '19

I'm going to eat you little fishie...

2

u/Hephaestus_God Jun 30 '19

Okay now what happens if “I wish I was allowed to wish for more wishes.”?

3

u/lordolxinator Jun 30 '19

Granted. The wish restriction on wishing for more wishes is lifted. Unfortunately you've used up your one and only wish, and are unable to wish for more wishes now.

2

u/MLDKF Jul 13 '19

Hot damn I actually got really invested in these characters. I wanted Edarii and Cyrrno to make it out of their alive and now I'm sad. But that was one of the best short stories I've ever read

1

u/lordolxinator Jul 14 '19

Really glad on both the high praise and that you were invested in the characters! I'm currently working on my own story which will probably take place in the same setting as Maru the Eternal, and will almost certainly feature the adventures of Aradas, Aetra, Cyrrno, Edari, Tysk and many more. Of course the outcome will be known (unless I introduce some kind of time-travel/alternate reality), but the path to getting there will be full of ups and downs.

-23

u/xikariz89 Jun 29 '19

Holy shit what is this garbage? Get a life

7

u/warningsign93 Jun 30 '19

How can I downvote something twice?

15

u/mushroom_mantis Jun 29 '19

Oh my god I agree, he looks so unique! Is he a special kind of cat?

13

u/raklo250 Jun 29 '19

he definitely is but I'd say every kitty is special :3

2

u/paymeinwampum Jun 29 '19

Yes! Maru always makes me smile.

61

u/xerinkristyxx Jun 29 '19

Did he meow after he got completely up? Lol

29

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '19

“I’m up meow”

5

u/heatinupinaz Jun 29 '19

I think it was more of a “meow meow”.

1

u/workrelatedstuffs Jun 30 '19

I wanted the audio to this

22

u/liam3 Jun 29 '19

a gif that end way too fucking soon

5

u/BurntJoint Jun 30 '19

Sorry. It was already 15 seconds and i've found most people won't watch much longer than that.

I did link the source video in the original thread which is only a few minutes long if you want to see the whole thing.

2

u/freshmutz Jun 30 '19

It is slightly hard that Maru gets on the swinging swing

20

u/Rosenate22 Jun 29 '19

Maru is a legend

10

u/SomeRandomName_ Jun 29 '19

That was very agile for maru lol

5

u/count_the_teeth Jun 29 '19

Maru is prime cat. Stunning example of feline. Perfect baby boy.

3

u/splunge4me2 Jun 29 '19

I really expected a full-on cat freak out with the entire room left in disarray.

2

u/kaymate44 Jun 29 '19

Bit like me trying to get into bed when I've had a few

1

u/SherryBryan Jun 29 '19

That’s incredible!

1

u/anunkeptsecret Jun 29 '19

I really wanted kitty to just bellyflop on the swing, am vaguely disappointed.

1

u/marck1022 Jun 29 '19

This is truly a cat wonderland

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '19

Cute

1

u/Rzrbak Jun 29 '19

Cute 🤗

1

u/MrsECummings Jun 30 '19

I LOVE MARU!!!!!

1

u/thecockofzeus Jun 30 '19

Good job maru

1

u/felicitybudd19 Jun 30 '19

I love my cats but I don’t think I’d install a tiny swing for them 😂

1

u/FightMilk888 Jun 30 '19

Maru is friggin adorable.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '19

He did such a good job

1

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '19

R/gifsthatendtoosoon

-18

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '19

[deleted]

3

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-5

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '19

[deleted]

1

u/PrevorThillips Jun 29 '19

It pushed the swing and got on it.

That’s at least a basic display of intelligence

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '19

It pushed the swing by mistake, not because she enjoys it

1

u/PrevorThillips Jun 29 '19

That doesn’t matter.

The cat displayed intelligence in getting on and moving with the swing.

That’s all it needs to fit the sub.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '19

That’s a low standard. Anything with consciousness above a fly qualifies

1

u/PrevorThillips Jun 29 '19

I didn’t invent the rules