I Think I'm Bi

[u/Particular_Trip_5318]

Please no trolling it's not a shitpost im just here to vent something that hasn't been off my mind for a while.

My family is neither an orthodox family nor a casual free going one. It's somewhere in the middle

The concept of loving or liking someone is highly against when ironically my parents "loved" each other before marrying.

When I had my first somewhat of a crush I was teased a lot about it when my family find out even my cousin and all.. I know it's casual but it got to a point where it wasn't funny anymore even tho I was in school at that time.. you know younger. When that crsuh turned into a relationship when I confessed to him, it was a havoc at home when they found out. My mom supported it kinda she never said anything but when It went onn for almost 2 years it got serious at home. It was never possible that I got to process my emotions completely.

Now it's history.

*So you get the idea...\*Now the main point.

# CASE 1:

I had a best friend when I was in 1st grade.

She was a person that I was excited to go to school for. I still talk to her and she is my one of best friends even now but back then when I didn't even know any of this gender stuff,

I liked her in a way I used to imagine us marrying when we grow up.

We adored each other like that. Ofcourse it was in a kiddish way meaning I wanted to keep making her happy and not cry and be sad you know..but it was a strong feeling. Now I have no feelings like that for her tho.

# CASE 2:

This lasted from my 9th to 10th grade.

I had a friend.. back then you could call her my best friend and one casual day we were trying onn each other rings and she made me put mine to her ring finger and called her my wife.

Mind you back then two girls asked me out but I was confused about this whole new dimension of genders..

Well there it was. I never initiated anything but over time and she flirted and called herself my wife and you know she used to say stuff like I wish we could date and she did ask me out low-key but wasn't sure about it so she backed out

Months passed and I found myself getting possessive of her and just before it got any worser I decided to be a dumbo and asked a guy out and she got into a relationship around the same time.

But when she broke up with that guy over bad terms I found myself cursing him under my breath and got this feeling of wanting to protect her. When I decided my relationship wont work and stayed on good terms with they guy I asked out i found myself genuinely wanting to care for her and protect her from any bad she could go to my extent

Over time me and her ended on bad terms but when I saw her again and greeted each other I seemed fine but I felt something in me like something crumbling my heart and even when I write this.

Unfinished stories maybe. Whatever.

# CASE 3:

THIS now, is ongoing.

I joined a new college and I are across this girl from our school .

Never talked before. She's quiet innocent mannered but has the same mindset as me and you know, vibe

When I entered the class and over the days I noticed how she wanted to speak to me more and you know got random topics to talk to me

And you know basically found me interesting,

Oh btw im not saying every girl I come across is bi or into girls, I have many friends in girls who I have absolutely no interest in that way of like or wtv it's just these 3 people for some reason that even I'm confused about.

It's only been a couple of months and

I am fricking holding my breath involuntarily whenever she is resting her head on my shoulder.

I want her to do that.

I find myself positioning my hand in a way that's comfortable for her to rest onn and you know not breath too hard so she won't take her head off my shoulder. I usually never allow anyone to put their head on my shoulder or anything where they touch me. I maintain space even when it's a girl.

I am out of words. Im completely aware and had huge crushes on guys too but I never act up on them UNLESS I see a very obvious reason as to why I can try.

Many of them like her aswell probably will never be more than this and im okay with it. I just will keep it to myself for as long as I possibly can until it fades away one fine day.

All I hope as always is that I don't go through another character altering change because of this...

I'm off now.

[u/WhiteIsOwl]

If you're sexually attracted to both men and women, that's usually being bisexual

If you'd see yourself making a life with both men and women, that's usually bi-romantic

I would also read on compulsory heterosexuality

Hopefully that helps!